A wedding ~ I would not be game right now. I would be the one ejected for yelling out "Don't do it!" . Yep, I am afraid I am still a little bitter and twisted
Well, lots of good stuff there. Is it getter easier to not do the r talk stuff, or are you just getting stronger at not asking? (even though you want to). Not sure if that makes sense. Do you want to do the r talk & not bring it up? or do you just not want to do the r talk stuff as much anymore?
H: I'll call you in a few days. Me: Okay. Bye.
What's with the "in a few days?".
Eeeks, I think he's found DB and is going dark on you Betcha he doesn't wait that long
Kismet - Thanks for dropping by, my wonder woman sista goddess!!
A wedding ~ I would not be game right now. I would be the one ejected for yelling out "Don't do it!" . Yep, I am afraid I am still a little bitter and twisted
I have to say that 2 weeks ago, when I was feeling rather sh!tty, I did contemplate of NOT going. But then regained some senses and thought Why Not? I mean I shouldn't be hiding in my sorrow shell, right? Plus, gave me an opportunity to dress up and look glamorous. ANd I must say that I did get a lot of compliments... I think even H thought I looked rather different. Oh...was again tempted to say "Weddings are soooo romantic, until reality sets in" LOL...but HELD my tongue.
Is it getter easier to not do the r talk stuff, or are you just getting stronger at not asking? Gosh...I have 1001 questions /stuff with regards to our R that I want to get it out and sorted. But HELD BACK. SO, the answer is that I am getting stronger at NOT asking not that I don't wanna ask. But I try to tell myself that ASKING and GETTING BAD answers is WORSE than not knowing anything at all. SO, keeping my mouth ZIPPED up is really much better. Besides, he will tell me when he wants to.
Eeeks, I think he's found DB and is going dark on you Betcha he doesn't wait that long That is true! He doesn't wait that long... He did send me a text later that day, and called numerous times the next day...but I was napping and didn't hear the calls, and when I looked there were 4 missed calls. HE HE HE...
Journalling... From my last post on Monday. H called my mom's to talk to the boys at about 7 pm. Later, at about 7.40 pm, got a text from H. H: U know something. U were very snakey this weekend. Think u were trying different trick!! U were so nice n we didn't figat at all . Frankly, I miss you. But even more confuse. Me: Not snakey just letting go and detaching. Can't control you. SO no point getting upset and spoiling my health. No reply from H...BUt I did give him a call about 9.30 pm to discuss some financial stuff. Was pleasant. Nothing major...but H did say that I was "smart" with regards to last weekend?? Wonder what that meant.
Tuesday. Just past midnight, got a text from H (didn't see this until the next morning when I woke up) - "Like your son says...nite nite sexy lady!!! Opened 3 new CDs to listen...still have 20 yet to open". I didn't reply...since nothing to say and it was already the next morning. From what I see...H is spending loads on money on stuff. What can I say? He will only see me as nagging...so might as well stay hushed.
Went for breakfast with my SIL, BIL, niece and 2 out-of-town cousins. Then went to do some grocery shopping. Went home, made jam ...have to say it tasted quite good. Read alittle with S5, then napped. WOke up, saw that I had 4 missed calls, and H had sent a text " Tried calling but no answer. Driving range here so expensive. Home is $ and over here is $$!!! talk to u later...Going back soon 2 finish up the book" I returned his text. And then he called like within 5 minutes. SOme niceties. Nothing major.
Took the boys out to the mall for bowling, and dinner. Saw that H had sent another text "huh?? ALl that trouble and nothing to show for?? You are right...very anti-climax. Hope the other book is better"....This was reference to the book that he was reading. I've read it already and told him that I didn't really like the ending.. I didn't reply to this text.
After dinner, came home and S8 had to finish off his homework. Left my mobile in the room. So, another missed call from H. Did send him a text "Didn't hear phone. S8 doing homework. Call in ten minutes to talk to boys". He did call and talk to the boys at exactly ten minutes later. S5 ended the call so I didn't talk to H.
Tucked boys into bed, and showered and went to bed myself. Just to complete the niceties, I sent H a text with reference to the book and wished he had a better reading with the other book and that I was gonna go to bed soon. H texted back with just a simple "Nite nite".
However, at 10 pm, got another text from H (I was already in bed...heard the beep) "Watching XYZ show now. Been playing with urself??" DIdn't reply since is was already in ZZZZZZ....
Wednesday... Woke up and did the school run...am at work now. And so another day begins!!!!
From my last post.. Late Wed morning. Saw that H has signed in on MSN. I IMed him. Me: Gentle Reminder... Me: To transfer $$ to XYZ Bank H: I will see what I can do Me: Thanks.
About an hour later. H texted me "I sold some stocks...$$ will send directly to XYZ bank. But takes a week". I replied to thank him. (Normally, would have said "see? Told you to do it earlier and not all these last minute business...LOL...)
Later at 8.30 pm. H called the house to talk to the boys. He spoke to S5 as S8 was in the loo. Heard S5 telling him "mommy is doing something for me for school. My teacher wants it tmrw. blah blah blah" and then he put down the phone. About 10 minutes later, phone rang again. Picked it up and it was H again. This time to speak to S8. Spoke to him and then he wanted to speak to me... nothing much. Just the normal "How are you? You helping boys with homework? blah blah blah". As I was helping S8, we ended the call fairly quickly.
Tucked boys in bed, and was in bed reading the 5LL when H called about 10 pm. Again "What are you doing? What book are you reading? How are you? Playing with yourself? Etc etc". Ended the call, then some notti text exchanges...and then we ended up having phone s@x again. After that, some text exchanges and that idiot sent me something like "Learning from G - the guy from the show that I am watching..how to juggle 2 women around. heee..." WTF??? Actually, I wanted to reply to this text but I LET IT GO. How would I reply? Get upset? No point, is there? Or to humour him? Didn't want to too. So, didn't reply. Went to bed instead.
Since my last post. H called at 10.00 pm on Thursday night. We had about 1/2 chat about all sorts. No real R talk till towards the last 2 minutes. But kept it short and philosophical.
Friday. No calls. Just a text at about 7 pm to say that he has talked to the boys.
Saturday. No calls at all. No texts. (If I know his patterns...this seems like he is with ow. I know that I am @ssuming. I lay in bed and was imagining them together. I know this is bad and I was feeding my "sorrow" with ammunition. But funny...although I thought of them kissing and doing stuff... I somehow couldn't get myself to feel the sadness nor to be able to cry. Just felt numb. Kinda weirdly numb...)Btw, lots of activities ... went Yoga, painted the pillars and walls fronting my house and spring cleaned. Felt proud of myself...
Sunday, More spring cleaning... and then went to a birthday party for friend's kid. Hung out from about 3 pm till 7 pm. Yup..was a long one. H texted about 2.30 pm telling me that he's gone to the movie and going home to watch another. Then he called but boys were running around at the party so he didn't get to talk to them. He called again about 7.30 pm. Boys were in the shower. So I told that. Then he went on to tell me what he was applying for the job down under online. I answered "Whatever" and he said "why do you sound like you are angry?" I said "No. I am not. bye" . Ended the call but I sent him a text immediately so that he won't think that I was upset. I am not upset. Just didn't want to reeled into the start of another drama. "Boys will call you when they are done with their bath". Later, got the boys to call him and he spoke to both boys. Then I told S5 to put down the phone but he said "Dad wants to talk to you". I didn't feel like talking but picked the phone up anyway. H asked about the boys. I answered him and then said "goodnight and bye" and ended the call. Tucked boys in bed and got back to my room. Saw that H had texted. H: oi.... what's with u?? U sounded different...in fact like pissed off with me. Me: No. I am not. Put boys in bed. And going to bed myself too. Good Night. H: Ok Then. Just that u sounded different. Nite nite. I'll be in Country Y from Wed to Sat. After that, will see the boys. Flight on waitlist though.
I didn't reply his latest text. Didn't want to. Don't have anything to say other than OK. So might as well save on the few $. I guessed I was kinda pissed with him. I think I am feeling more resentment than sadness. When I see the fathers spending time with their kids at the party, can't help feeling resentful. When I wake up early in the morning to ferry the kids to school, I do feel resentful that I have to be the single parent doing that... (thank god for my parents for helping out) ...I have to stop this RESENTMENT.
I did think to myself - If he goes off with ow, will I be happier if H is happy or when he is depressed/miserable? I guessed although it is sad for me to feel that he no longer needs me and is happy without me...I think this is something that I need to accept and get used to.. BECAUSE the alternative, of H being depressed, miserable and down in the dumps is worse for me to accept. So be it.
Daily Mantra LIVE THE MOMENT Do not waste TODAY by worrying about TOMORROW!
Don't know why...but starting to feel really down. Wonder if it's my PMS. I am feeling like I need to run away. To not work for awhile. I feel quite crap. Some say that I've started on the grieving process. I don't know. Perhaps it's the birthday party with 4 lawyers talking to me... mmm.. I am feeling crap because the deadline is drawing near? I don't know. Just feeling a little crap. I think I may need counselling... I just want to run awwwwaaaaayyyy.
Yo! Yoyo! I am going to reply to something a LONG way back in this thread, but it hit home.
Quote: When the boys need a hug, is he there to give one? When the boys want a story, is he there to tell them one? When the boys are ill, is he there to nurse them? When the boys are afraid, is he there to comfort them?
These are the things that I cry about daily, and I am not to one who is causing the situation that may result in my not being there to do those things.
Anyway, it sounds like you are in a really bad place. If you are not getting counseling, it does help. I have never thought about therapy in my LIFE before this terrible thing, and after 2 sessions, I don't know if I totally believe in it's healing power, but I do know it helps a lot to talk to someone who should be equipped to help you deal with your sitch. In any event, try to stay strong. I know it's really hard in the face of what you're going through but you've come this far and survived, chances are you have what it takes to handle whatever the deadline brings. I really hope things go your way, whatever that way is.
Yoyo sweetie sorry to hear you've got the blues. (((yoyo))). Some counselling would probably be good, even just to give you some techniques at controlling your thoughts. Although, I think you are getting better at that anyway.
Oh course, the fact that d-day is looming would be always there. Plus if you are PMS y, well yes, you will be feeling crappy. Have a big cry. Let it all out. Scream in the shower. You have been dealing with a lot for a long time.
Happy New Year YoYo, I have been just catching up on your thread. WOW.
Do not allow yourself to become down again. Let me point something out to you even though it may not do any good.
You were being something of a stalker to your H with all the texts (which you have done before) but then you stopped and decided to act as if you didn't care and look what happened. All of a sudden H was interested in you again.
Didn't you notice that while you were harassing him he didn't mention sex talk and didn't have much time for you but the moment you acted as though you were over the whole thing then he starts ringing and texting and starts calling you hot names and wanting sex.
YoYo I point this out because your H knows you better than I think you know yourself. When you are all mean and bombarding him with texts about OW and seperating he sees it as you being noisy and just raving on and annoying him and he doesn't care - why because you make it easier for him to not have any guilt and not to miss you because what you are doing when you annoy him is not attractive to him BUT when you act as though you couldn't care you become attractive and sexy to him and he wants to make sure he can still have you.
This is just my observation and I am sure others will agree with me but what you make of it is up to you. I agree with your friend one month is nothing he should know what he wants but by now I would hope you know what you want too. It is hard but one of you needs to bite the bullet and do something because this back and forth helps nobody. It will be hard once a decision has been made but see how well it goes in trying to stick to it - Hey you can always change your mind or so could H.
Have you found out where you stand legally in your Country. I know you have said what you think but have you actually found out for sure. I would be inclined to know my rights so as if one of you do make a decision you know what you will be dealing with if it ends up that you officially seperate.
Yoyo you have been really strong over your last few posts and have had a much better reaction from your H so please do not go back to the other YoYo just keep doing what you have been as you seem to cope better that way too.
I wish you alot of luck and hope my observation helps you, it was not having a go at you because we all know how much easier it is to give advice than to act on it....Kim
Totally, Kismet, KDU - Thanks for dropping by with your advice. Appreciate it lots.
Plus if you are PMS y, well yes, you will be feeling crappy. Could be PMS or could be bottled-up sorrow that just needed to escape. Just couldn't control myself. Cried consistently the whole day yesterday (Monday). Cried at lunch. Cried in the afternoon, cried on my way home. Cried over my chocolate souffle (thought some chocolate would lift my spirits...)
I point this out because your H knows you better than I think you know yourself. I think that is rather true. I was feeling rather blue and crying my eyes out yesterday, and he called me. I lied that I was having a cold and he knew that I was lying.
decided to act as if you didn't care I guessed I was doing rather well detaching until yesterday. Although I didn't bombard him with texts and kept silent, he knew I was not "normal". He did comment that "you were soooo cheerful last week. What happened?" . Later, he did text me " You seem rather cold since yesterday. Are you ok?? Probably know why u are like this. Nite nite..." I didn't reply though.
It is hard but one of you needs to bite the bullet and do something because this back and forth helps nobody. Yes, I agree that this back and forth is helping nobody. And I do think that I need to be the one that does something. ANything to change the back and forth.
It will be hard once a decision has been made but see how well it goes in trying to stick to it - Hey you can always change your mind or so could H. I supposed that is true... but then again... what is the point of me changing my mind when H is still clinging to ow?
Have you found out where you stand legally in your Country. Think I am quite protected although the lawyers that I have spoken to said that there was a slight disadvantage as I am working. The entitlement is "sufficient alimony/maintenance" to maintain the similar standard of living.
have had a much better reaction from your H so please do not go back to the other YoYo Yes, I do realise that. Just couldn't contain myself yesterday. Although I did feel crap. Didn't bombard him with texts nor accusations. Just kept very silent. Figured that keeping silent is better than saying something bad.
I agree with your friend one month is nothing he should know what he wants but by now I guessed I realised this. That was why the sudden "realisation" sort of jolt me into reality. Its only 1 1/2 weeks to the deadline. If he had done the right thing, he would have already told me so. I don't expect that a miracle will happen in the eleventh hour.
just keep doing what you have been as you seem to cope better that way too. Okay...I will try. I do feel better today. A good cry solves quite a lot.
Journalling.. A total wreck yesterday. H called four times yesterday. Once in the afternoon. Told him that I was in a meeting and have a cold. Was already crying then.
H texted in the PM to inform that he called the house and no answer. (Went out with the boys for my chocolate soufle) Didn't text back.
H called about 9.30 pm. I was in the loo. S5 picked up the phone and came to tell me "Dad called and says to call him when you are done. And if you can't, he'll talk to you tomorrow".
When I came out, H called again. Got S5 to pick the phone up again. Wanted to run out. But S5 said "Yeah. SHe is out already". Spoke to H briefly. Cut the convo short by giving phone back to S5.
At about 10.30 pm. H called again. And asked how I was. That I sounded different and cold blah blah blah. Told him that I was fine just tired and have a cold. Kept call short cause really didn't feel like talking.
Then H texted "You seem rather cold since yesterday...blah blah " I didn't reply.
Tuesday, H called at 7.30 am. Asked if I just woke up, if I played with myself? (WTF??) Then told me that he was going for golf blah blah. Ended call.
Later, felt better. So gave him a short text "Just want to tell you that I am ok. Thank you very much for your concern". He didn't reply. So not going to bother.
I do feel better today. A good cry does release all the pent-up energies. Moved to a new workplace today (just next door, by the way) Nevertheless...a NEW place.
Funny how my mood swings. Now, as I sit down and reflect back on my emotions of yesterday...am finding hard to comprehend how I could be soooo down. Anyway, feeling better. So, thought that I will send a text to H (not R talk. Nothing to do with us) to ask about some banking details and to tell him that he needs to call my mom's if he wants to talk to boys as they will be sleeping over there. I have to go out of town for work tomorrow and will be leaving early. He texted back "Going dinner with XYZ. Will call later". About an hour later, he called me on my mobile. I was already home. I was feeling better so could sound "cheery" and I said "my PMS is very bad" and he was rather amused and asked if anyone had to face my wrath. I told him that certain ppl at work nearly got it blah blah blah...and he was rather amused and even said "yeah. Including me" still laughing. We had some brief chit-chat and ended the call pleasantly. So, no drama there.
and is going dark on you 
