Okay..didn't manage to adhere to my DETACHING goal (I need to print-out the methodology from the website provided my NYSurvivor)...had a major panic attack. Had this idea that H will be running away with ow to Oz (okay..that's where ow got her PR status), and be non-contactable and not gonna pay maintenance. He will be on his way to Oz today for an interview...that's why the sudden attack of him leaving us high and dry sort of strikes me. I tell you it was really really a scary thought. Not so much of H leaving me...but more of leaving zero $... I have to say was kinda obsesses with the horror negative thoughts... and started hounding H with text messages since Tuesday night. Tuesday Nite's Texts Me: Pls don't get angry. Are you running away to Oz with ow. I know that she has OZ PR. I can't stop you, but just need to know in advance so that I can be prepared and be strong for the boys. H: Told you that I'm just checking out. That's all. In any case, if I were to leave, it doesnt' matter where i go...rite?? Nite nite...I'll call again either tomr or day after. Me: Yes and No. Yes because it would mean that you will not see the boys often. Maybe once a year? And probably call them once a week? As it is, you are so near yet don't really see them often. As for me, then no difference.Just need to weep for me, us, for you... H: Thought you said you will be happy for me?? So why will u weep for me?? Anyway, pls go sleep. In any case, I have till end-January!!! Me: Weep for you because the old P(H's initial) is gone and there would be no-going back. Perhaps you are tired of being the old, responsible P and want to be the new, exciting, high-flying P. H: Can still be good old P.....nite nite!!! Me: (Can't remember what I said but something like old P's brain being abducted by aliens etc)
Wednesday PM... Around noon, received text from H "I'm going to KT for the night....then back tmrw. After that going to Oz. So, pls don't freak out whne you can't contact me. I'll text u later today or tomorrow." I replied via email...just acknowledging his text...and giving no comment on his Oz trip.
In the evening, my REAL panic attack set in again...texted H. Me: Pls don't be angry. But if you runaway to OZ with ow, will you still be contactable? Will I have to leave the house? Will you still provide for the boys? I know that you cannot provide any reassurances about our marriage, and I am not asking for that. But would you at least assure me that you will provide for the boys financially? I am really feeling very scared. H: Told you not to worry. I won't be running to Oz!! And I'll always provide for the boys. Me: Thank you.
I guessed I do feel better??? That he will always provide for the boys... To lose a H is one thing...to lose the financial security is another. I certainly can't pay for the mortgage and all the stuff....
Havent' heard from H so far today. No...not going to ponder. He will be off on a flight to Oz later today... I did send him a little text "Hope you will find what you are looking for in Oz. Good Wishes!!!"
Okay.....will see what happens...half the day gone....
Yo -
STOP OBSESSING!!! Or at least, stop texting him! Take the battery out of your phone if you have to!
But also - this does bring up something I've been thinking about in your sitch. How would an international divorce work, since you are currently in one country and H is in another? Which country would have jurisdiction? Which country's laws are more favorable to you? How could you enforce a support order?
I am still hoping you would never have to use this info, but it seems to me it would be wise to get some legal advice just in case. (For example, if the laws in country H is currently in are more favorable to him, would it be a mistake to move there with the boys and then possibly lose in a divorce? Similar issues come up here in the US, since different states have different divorce laws, and which state you file in can have a great bearing on the divorce settlement.)
Knowledge is power.
But STOP texting him, okay? Just come here and vent when you get those anxieties, okay?
KML - Hi! Thanks for dropping by. Yes, I have to admit that after typing out my post on the texts, I did realise that I was rather obsessive and was almost hounding him like a stalker... YES! I have to stop with all these texts. I will print-out the DETACHMENT article from NYS's link TODAY and follow it religiously.
How would an international divorce work, since you are currently in one country and H is in another? Which country would have jurisdiction? I think in our case, it would have to be our HOME country because we are legally-married here, and we are both citizens here...so the foreign country's laws will not play a part. The cabinet is "in-talks" to table a law that will impound husbands' passports if they FAIL to pay alimony/maintenance to their wives.... Shucks! I should have cut-out the newspaper cutting.
Just come here and vent when you get those anxieties, okay? Yes...yes...but it takes more effort to switch-on the laptop, connect to the internet etc...as opposed to picking up my mobile. Hee hee...
DO NOT TEXT YOUR H UNLESS IT"S NAUGHTY, OKAY????? Heee heee... None of those lately since he came back on two consecutive weekends...
Oh...actually ...maybe I should start noting down little baby-steps?? When I was obsessing with him running away yesterday, I voiced up my concerns with my mom...and my mom said "Girl...I don't think he will dare to do it. Besides, I think there is improvement. Previously, he has never slept over in house. And these two trips back, he slept in the house". I guessed she has a point there...Also she kept on emphasizing that he was rather friendly when he spoke to my sisters (though he kinda ignored his own)...so, I don't know...
Really don't know what came over me AGAIN... I was fine... and then????
Thursday Nite. Text H around 8 pm to let him know that we will be home in about 20 minutes if he wants to call the boys. ( He did mention earlier that he would call them)... The message was not delivered. Guessed he was on the flight. An hour later, H called and we chatted a bit. Asked if he was on a flight back from his overnight trip. He said NO. Asked if he was flying to OZ tonight and he said NO, will be tmrw. Passed the line to the boys. I was still very calm and collected. Even sent him a little text before I went to bed to enjoy his trip to OZ. Then had a call from a girlfriend. And things started going downhill from there. I know i am REACTING alot but really did feel shitty. She said "I really want to slap you. I want you to stop living in denial. If he wants to do the right thing, he would do it now...not wait another 4 weeks. And who is he kidding? Flying off on Friday morning and arriving in OZ in the evening. You tell me...who actually works on Friday evenings???? during this time of the year? He probably has something planned with ow and using this as an excuse!!!"
I guessed it was like a little bell ringing in my head. And yes,..normally EVERYBODY is on vacation at this time of the year...and to arrive over there on Friday evening.. Even my denial self couldn't swallow that bit. *sigh* Feels damn shitty. I know I know..NOT DETACHING... I did the unthinkable again...took out my mobile and started texting.. Me: Well, u must be really bz 2 turn ur phone off. C says I'm in denial. I guessed I am. U probably planned d new year weekend away with her and using the OZ interview as cover. Where would anyone be working at this time of the year? Really am in denial to think that is the case. Feel so stupid like a dumb @ss. No wonder C wants to slap me!! Really...if you have any compassion left for me, just call us quits now. I am feeling so sad that someone so dear to me actually thinks so little of me and can keep on lying and lying. If she is all you want, why wait> I am really one dumb woman. Me:I guessed what C says is right. If you want to do the d right thing, why must wait? Guess the answer is you don't want to. Only I am so stupid to hang on. Stupid to have hope. You know...Your phone in never out of reception unless you are on the flight which you said that you are not. So means you are with her and don't want to be disturbed!! Just call us quits now and 2006 can be a new beginning for us. Just hope that you keep your word on providing for the boys. Me: Call me a liar or whatever. I don't want to wait till end-Jan. I am calling us quits now. WIll talk about the separation agreement when you come back for your sister's wedding. I will draft something. Few hours later.... H: I am not with her. I have GPRS on whole day. Anyway, talk when I get back. I didn't reply.
This morning..Friday. Got a text very very early in the morning from H. H: Now I'm realy going away. Flying via Country Y. Call or sms you when I get there. ...and stop with that changing mind. End Jan is a good time!!! No..I didn't reply.
I really don't want to be messed up again. I am indeed yoyo-ing like crazy. Feel like crap. Am the worst DBer ever... Don't want to deal with him... I am kinda afraid that I will slip into some kind of depression come end-Jan. My girlfriend is soooo afraid that I will commit suicide or something (her cousin actually attempted to when she found out that her H was cheating on her....)I know I won't do something stupid like that but I know I will be depressed...*sigh*...How do I get out of this RUT??
I don't think I will post in anybodys' thread for a while....I will be of NO use and NO good to anyone's sitch or PMA. I am such a failure ...can't control my emotions, my moods... my actions.. I can't control him..and I can't control myself?? That is bad!!
I don't know what to do...Guessed I will just stay DARK for awhile...*sigh* Sigh* Sigh*
Sorry Yoyo ~ this whole thing sucks but 2005 is nearly over and 2006 is going to our year fellow Sista Goddess. Went out yesterday and bought 3 bottles of bubbly as my favourite on special so I will raise my glass to you.
Hey YoYo. Know I don't post to you much but I lurk around on your thread from time to time. I just wanted to say THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! Ok? Not only are you clearly an amazing woman, but you have a normal set of emotions about what is going. Nothing odd at all. And keep giving advice to others. It is much easier to see what others should do even if we can't tell what to do ourselves.
Hey Yoyo. Happy New Year! As promised, I raised my glass to you. As it happened I raised my glass far too many times, and was one sick puppy the next day.
Please check in just to let us know you are ok. You don't need to post on anyone else's thread. I hope you are feeling better. But understandable if you aren't.
Now I just checked my stars for January and it's all good. Hope this makes some sense to you.
Life at home should have turned the corner. If it was complicated, but it’s better now, aim to leave the past behind. 2006 will almost certainly be a whole new kettle of fish where family, home and domestic life is concerned. It might be worth spending a little more quality time at home and/or with family. There’s a chance to reconnect. Note to home renovators: if you’re up to your eyeballs in home beautifications, remember you’ll need to keep a careful eye on the budget and the work.
Meanwhile a luscious link between Venus and Mars at the end of the month suggests romance could be in the air for singles. Get out and mingle. Attached? Expect to learn about what it really means to be ‘intimate’. A great time to rekindle romance. The last week of January looks hot. Cash wise, avoid reckless “tomorrow will never come” sprees.
And if you’re one of the Librans who got bit by Chiron in your romance zone in December, try to stay strong and gorgeous, as only a Libran can. The Venus/Chiron connection was difficult for many because it meant facing a nasty truth or an unpalatable fact. Don’t ignore what you know now. Use that info to make your life better in 2006. And do remember to really feel your emotions (Librans are way too good at intellectualising it all – but feeling it is the way to deal with any dramas now, no matter who else they involve). Mid to late month looks better and better.
Happy New Year... Did feel better in 2006. Sitch still in limbo but will strive to be composed.... and not let things get to me easily...
Big Al - Thanks for dropping by. I think what you said about " It is much easier to see what others should do even if we can't tell what to do ourselves. ". Alot of times, I felt that I could do that on others' sitch but not on mind. It's all the emotions that really stir up your mind, and you kinda get lost in your own sitch. And thanks for saying that I am amazing. Cheer up a lonely gal!!!
Kismet - My wonderful Wonder Woman Sister Goddess! Thanks for raising that glass of bubbly... Hopefully, the horoscope has some truth in it?? Read somewhere else that Librans would be spending money on their home this month, and to be careful not to go overboard...
Journalling... Before I start, I want to say that I do feel better... and brighter...
From my last post...I did feel really crap on Friday. I received a couple of texts from H on Friday evening asking if everything was okay. I didn't reply to both of them. The third one, he sounded irritated and texted something like (forgotten the exact words... H: I just wanna know if everything is ok. One day you are okay, and now you can't even reply to my text. Me: What happnes if things are NOT ok? Can you do anything? WIll you do anything? If you are so concerened, you can easily call and ask. I am very tired and I don't wanna end up in depression. I am sure my/your family will inform you if anything major happens to us. You just take care of yourself and hopefully someone will inform us if something is not ok on your side. Bye... H: Looks like you are in one of your moods again. I will call the house at 9 pm your time. I didn't text back.
I went back, shifted the home phone to the boys' room. I was feeling kind sh!tty and told the boys that I was tired and was gonna go to bed early, and to pick up the phone when it rings. Right on the dot, phone rang and boys spoke to him. I didn't hear their convo, was already in bed... 2 minutes later, my mobile beeped. It was H... H: Just spoke to the boys!!! What are you doing?? Why are you in bed so early?? I didn't reply his text.
Saturday (New Year's Eve)... Went for my Yoga class in the morning, then went out with my mom. Napped a bit and about 4.30 pm, got a text from H....nothing much, just telling me that he made numbers for 2005, and things seems to be improving at work, blah blah blah. I sent him back a short text Me: Good for u. Happy for u. Happy New Year! H: Happy new year to you too!!!Drinking session now...will send u text during new year. bye hottie
Didn't reply on this text. Then sent the boys over to my mom's for sleepover, went to buy some food (supposed to cook but was tooo lazy and napping.. ) to bring over to girlfriend's off. Hung around till the Countdown. Was a rather quiet countdown...but we did open a bottle of bubbly.
At about 11 pm, got another text from H. H: Happy New Year Hottie!!! Will talk to u tmrw...Love U. Me: Not new year yet. Countdown in one hour's time.
At about 1 am, got a call from H to give his wishes on the New year. Asked me where I was partying... I said "well, I won't exactly say I am partying, but I am out. Happy New Year!" When I ended the call, I saw that H had sent a text at 12.30 am, which I have not seen (missed it) " Happy New Year!!! Where r u counting down?? "
New Year's Day... WOke up at about 10 am. My mom came to get me about 10.45 am ...we were off for a FAMILY Karaoke session.... Was fun.. my sisters, bro-in-law, my parents, my boys..we sang and had fun. After that, went for yummy pancakes and Ice-cream!!! Noticed later that I had a text from H "Hi hottie...feeling very h@rny!!! Think must be something to do with missing your s**ks n your w*t st***y c**t. Have to say that u r one hot, h@rny chick. Can't wait to come home to f**k ur p**sy!! Nope...I didn't reply to this text too.... Too busy eating my pancakes and ice-cream!!! Later, I had some Hot Wheels fun with my boys and went out dinner with my parents again...
Monday (2nd Jan 2006) AM - Cleared out some of the boys' old toys and had more fun with the Hot Wheels set (trying to crack my head as to how to join all those different themed sets together. )... Then was off to have lunch with a girlfriend of mine. In the PM, saw that H had sent me two texts... H (8.11 am) : Just read your email. (The one I sent last week...can't really remember what I said) Anyway, still alive n back at work already. WIll call later. Country X is working day today. H (2.15 pm): Oi.... how come not a word from u??? Me (2.30 pm): Very bz. Phone not by my side. H: (2.50 pm): Ok...talk to u later then.
Thereafter, took the boys to "Mummy's Return" ...a kind of a "horror thingy" whereby the ppl dress up and try to scare you as you walk through the dark rooms. S5 was so scared that I had to carry him, and was still clinging to me after we exit...
Had dinner with my parents again. At about 7.30 pm, I texted H "From now on, if you wanna talk to the boys, please call by 8.30 pm. School starts tomorrow. We are home now, if you wanna call. Ta..." H called about 8.30 pm. I knew it was him so asked the boys to pick the phone up. I didn't speak to him.
This morning (Tuesday)... Just a call from H at 9.30 am. No long chats. He called to see how I was. Asked if S8 had trouble waking up blah blah, if I was at work.... I didn't have much to say, so kept the call rather short.
Oh well.... I guessed the positive is that he made the first contact of the day most days....but I really don't want to expect anything anymore... Countdown starts... 26 more days...
Hey yo yo. You're welcome first of all, any time. Here's another for free - amazing!
Secondly, you have that man on a string - you know that right? He was trying everything he could think of to get you to respond. From the outsider's view, he was almost pathetic, LOL. Keep up the good work!
Read somewhere else that Librans would be spending money on their home this month, and to be careful not to go overboard...
I know, so many tempting offers out there. My 2 favourite home decorating stores was having big sales but I showed considerable restraint and only bought 2 candles ~ very nice with cut out swirls until S14 told me ow has them and 4 cute little coasters.
Well WAH is certainly jumping through hoops. Does he usually call you hottie? Keep missing those calls/texts.
Lots of fun in your life ~ karaoke sounds like a blast!
so I will raise my glass to you.
and 4 cute little coasters.