Yoyo . . . I owe you an apology. I reread my thread and it sounded so harsh. Sorry. This is one of my weaknesses. Impulsive . . . shoot off something without thinking too much. The 24 hour rule definately applys to me with H. Please accept my apologies.
Bonkers - Don't worry about it... Sometimes, we LBS do need a few knocks on our heads to wake us up and stick to the DBING regime strictly. SO, no apology required on your part.
By the way, are you in Great Britain? Am asking because I find the word "Bonkers" very British...
In the US. You're right about the "bonkers" part though. I had an aunt in England and she always used that word so that's where I got it. Describes me to a tee right now.
Quote: Can you imagine what will happen if they find out that their father is in love with ow??
Yoyo, honey - they know. That's why all this is coming up. Either they overheard something, or H said something to them, or someone else said something - but THEY KNOW.
And although it's usually not a good idea to involve the kids, I think once they know and are this upset, it's probably time to sit down with them and talk about it. What they imagine in their own heads may be way worse than the reality.
Maybe you could just ask them some questions to see what they know?
Bonkers, Ellie, Kismet - Thanks for dropping by...
Either they overheard something S8 did tell me once that he heard us mention D, and that he was pretending to be asleep. But when I asked a little bit more, he said he couldn't remember the details...just that D was mentioned, and S8 told me to not tell H that S8 overheard us.
sit down with them and talk about it Yes, I intend to do that. The boys understand a lot of what is right and what is wrong. And I think they need to know the truth, confront the hurt/anger and then start to deal with it. I've actually found a child psychologist on hand....
Maybe you could just ask them some questions to see what they know? Consciously, they don't know anything. But sub-consciously, they know something is not right. And they just don't know how to express their confusion, because they don't know what's causing it. I've been feeding them with lies (that's why it's soooo hard on me mentally...I am tired of telling lies to everyone to cover H's "dignity") that their dad works soooo hard to feed us, and clothe us.. blah blah blah...that it's making me sick lying through my teeth.
Journalling... I think I may have been disillusioned and perhaps expected too much after H's stay over at our house.
Anyway, yesterday we had some text exchanges... Me: How was your work thing yesterday? Anyway, few questions...When r ur flights? R u staying in d hse or elsewhere? WIll u be having dinner 4 dad's b'day on Xmas eve? R u having Xmas tea wif us n friends? What about Xmas dinner? Not bombarding u...just need info 2 plan. Appreciate ur feedback. Thanks a bunch. (I know ..I know... I asked for it, right? By asking where he is staying...asking toooooo many questions....)
H: Flights I need to check. Don't know where I'm staying yet. Will have dinner for eve and Xmas, and tea for Xmas as well. Me: Just asking, are you staying at ow's?
(I know...I know... again...@ssuming that he will be at ow's...and driving myself mad. I know all that as I typed out our texts.... )
H: Pls stop asking. I have not decided if I should stay in the house or not. OK??? Me: I am not bugging u. Just need u to help me to think of something 2 explain to d boys, my dad, my mom n my grandma. Why r u so bloody angry?? If I am not adhering to my word, I wld just say F**K It. So don't come and show your temper. Go ahead and spend all your Xmas time with your precious huney or whatever you call each other tehse days. I am sick and tired. Don't bother to pity us to spend your holiday with us. I will just tell the boys that you have more important things. Nite. (I know...I know... I lost it. Over-reacted. But just soooooo tired. I mean how am I gonna explain to my family. Tell them my H and I are separated? He's seeing ow? And then what? Won't my family feel uncomfortable to sit together with him to have dinner with him? It's just tooooooo weird. I think tooo much.)
H:I'm not angry at all and I've told you that I'm gonna be around for eve and Xmas. So, what more do you want? Me:I don't want anything. Don't need anything. Not hoping for anything. You spending Xmas eve and day is for you and your kids. Seriously, I don't know what you want. As for me, I am hanging around patiently till end-Jan so that I can call it quits. This is too exhausting. I know you are also hanging around till end end-Jan so that you can say that it's me that call it quits. I know you. Whatever.. Just so so tired. So tired till I don't feel any emotions. I am so so drained. Nite. H:I'll never say taht I are the one who it quits (What is he saying??? Don't understand!!) In any case, I'm also tired. I have so much in my mind now. I'll be back for Xmas with the boys.l You better go sleep. Talk to you tomorrow. Nite. Nite. Me: Don't know what you said. Some text was missing. Anyway, you call d boys at my moms. I am going to site. You may have to get the boys a mobile for you to call them in future. Nite. H: U take care ok?? I'll talk to u tmrw. Have a good sleep tonight. Me:No need to talk to me if its not about the boys or practical issues. And I don't want to be the one increasing your stress levels. You don't have to worry about me. I will know how to take care of myself. And soon I will cease to be ur burden and responsibility. You go do your work well, reach the stars and be on the cover of Business Week. H: Aiyo... you huh. You are not a burden. Be a good girl and go to bed. Nite nite.
(The way he words his texts...really sound like there is nothing wrong...or its a joke!?!)
Me: Whatever... Stay wherever you want. Boys probably won't really ask.
No reply on this one... I really think too much...plan too much... *sigh*
This AM...Sent him this text...yes... i know it is d@mn sarchy but I just don't care anymore. Plus it's the time that I get my money. He says I always think about money. Money money money...is all I think about...
Me: Yes, This is the woman who only thinks about money...the gold digger...the one waiting to pounce on your vast fortune...Today is the 20th. So pls send the money. And perhaps to the other C-account as well so that I only bug you once a month instead of twice. Much appreciated. Ta! The Money Thinker.. H:No...u are not a money thinker...but u are one very noisy woman. will check my account.
Decided to go DARK DARK DARK....as DARK as I can muster... *Sigh* ...Did talk to my mom this morning for her advice. She said to just leave it. And see what happens when he comes back.
To my fellow DBers...Sorry if I have not been posting in your threads...Feeling too YOYO-ish to be of any help. I think the more I say, the more I will get all of you confused. So, I will also zip my mouth and throw away the key for the time being....till I see some light at the end of the tunnel for me...
Oh...A girlfried told me this morning...that I should starting think about me, empowering myself as opposed to focussing on H. I think it's quite valid. She said " S, you should empower yourself and tell yourself that at the end of January, you want a H that is commited only to you. And that is what you want. What you want. Don't put the focus on H as to what he wants...you or ow etc." Sorry...don't put it too well. Basically, what do I want? NOT what H wants....
My mentor who has been encouraging me, urging me to fight for my M actually told me "S - by end-Jan, you would have given your H sufficient time to decide, and it would be time to move on". If it's not for my mentor's encouragement to perservere throughout these long long months, don't think that I could reach this stage. So, even my ever-so patient and understanding mentor feels that end-January is the right time to call it quits... No turning back...clock is ticking... Countdown to 2006...
Yoyo sorry to hear you are tired of all this $hit. Maybe try get a photo of WAH and a black pen and deface him. Give him manboobs, lots of wrinkles, black teeth.... Feel better? ( don't let the boys see you )
Yep, maybe time to go dark and just take care of you.
Quote: Please . . . can anyone redirect yoyo? I just don't have the wisdom yet.
This is a journey that the LBS takes just as much as the WAS. We can honestly all feel the pain and frustration that she is going through...we've all been there. I think we all have to reach our own decisions in our own time. People can offer suggestions, advice, support but in the end it is up to the individual. It is they who they must deal with the consequences of their decisions. Not us. I try to not think of things as mistakes but as learning experiences...we try different things with our WAS and we can monitor the results to see what positive/negative actions result from that. But I think the hardest part is reacting to our emotions. We are so driven by the emotions and the fear that sometimes we just can't move past that. It helps to detach...detaching is the key...but no one can force someone to detach unless they want to and each person seems to do it in their own way. I have found that women are the quicker ones to detach (I could be very wrong) but we tend to get frustrated easier and give up easier and move on. Why I don't know. Perhaps it is because we feel so much more emotion initially and we feel it so very strongly that it is easier for us to move forward quicker. Men do tend to hold in their feelings a bit more than women.
This is Yoyo's journey...we are all here to support her in anyway that we possibly can and that she will accept from us. Big hugs Yoyo....I can tell you really need them today from all of us. I know how stressful that this has all been especially now in the holiday season. I truly wish that I could take the pain away for you.
