Kismet, KDU, Piglet2 & KDK - Thanks for checking up on me Sister Goddessess....
Is he asthmatic? S5 does have asthmatic tendencies. But he hasn't got any "attack" for awhile. Think must be something that he ate that triggered it. But he has been discharged from the hospital, which is good. He is behaving like any active 5 year old, and I have to stop him from being too active - just in case. My sis was commenting "he doesn't really look like he is sick, does he?"
When January comes I would be tempted if you are really ready to move on without H Seriously? I don't know. What I know is that I cannot continue on this current dynamics forever. It is really so mentally exhausing - to try to cover-up our M problems and invent stories to feed to the boys, my dad and some other folks who doesn't know our sitch. It's really very draining. Will have to at least change the dynamics somewhat... even if H doesn't do anything or file, I will talk to ow. That will certainly change the dynamics somewhat. H could be so angered by it all that he would declare WW3 on me or something...At least something would be different.... So...waiting till end-Jan 2006. And I agree with one poster - 2005 is indeed annus horibilis for me too....
H can ring and talk to them but that is nothing compared with visiting them. I know he is Overseas but hey he could fly back every 2nd or 3rd weekend surely Yes, I agree but somehow these WAS don't see it. They think calling and talking is sufficient. I don't know and don't want to waste energy telling my H that... He would see it as "NAGGING"... so, might as well just keep all these thoughts to myself...
Sorry yoyo I am getting frustrated by your sitch so i can only imagine how bad it must be for you Thanks so much for emphatizing with me. Think I needed that!
it's not the end of the world, it's just takes time to work through everything and get to a new beginning Yes, definitely not the end of the world. It's more of the memories that I have to deal with. But I know for sure that with time, things will be brighter and better!!! We will SURVIVE!!!!
I think (if I remember right) that you mentioned that you would need to be separated for 2 years before filing for D. What will the sitch be like between you and H during these 2 years? Yup! If H is to file, he has to have grounds and the only one that he could use is for us to be separated for two years. I've thought about this... since H is overseas, it will not be too difficult. For visitation, I will drop the boys to whatever hotel he is staying. He certainly will not be staying in our marital home. So...will think more about the details when the time comes. At the meantime, really living on a day by day basis.... and trying to maintain sanity.
Journalling... From my last post... H IMed in the afternoon. H: You there? Me: Yes. S5 is fine. Doc will check on him a little later and see if he can be discharged. Will let you know. H: Okay. Call u later. BYe. Me: Bye. So...this IM session very very straight-forward.
Later, with the thoughts of me trying to ACT as a real wife till at least end-Jan; I sent H an email. Me: I have five days off. Do you want me to bring boys over to Jakarta from 23rd Dec to 1st Jan? H: I am having a lot of trouble trying to get to KL during X'mas...but i'll find my way back. I told you that I was going to Europe between x'mas and new year. However, seems like i have urgent matter to attend to on the 28th -31st....tendering in Kalimantan!!!! Me: Up to you. Just doing my part to at least ask. H: Told u boss going away...have tender in Kalimantan. Head Hunters region!!! Me: Just to let you know that S5 is out of the hospital. P/s Insurance pays or not? If the headhunters shrink yours???? H: Good. I'll call him. Worse case, I'll fly to Country Y and u drive down with the boys for X'mas. Flight is really bad.
I didn't reply to the last email...as I've already shut-down my PC. I actually wanted to reply with a BIG NO. But then held-off. Am still pondering on this..... I was planning for a turkey dinner on Xmas day and a get-together with friends. Should I put off all those plans and drive down to Country Y to meet with H? I know by-right, I shouldn't cancel anything and cater to H's whims and fancies.... but on the other hand, I am thinking... This will either be the last family Xmas....or it could be the Xmas that save my M.... I don't want to think yet. I am putting this away till I hear further from H..... on his plans...
I called H at about 9 pm for boys to talk to him...No answer...was gonna send a "sarcastic text"...but luckily didn't manage to send it off. H called. Talked to S8 then S5... then heard S5 ask "you want to talk to mommy?" and then turns to me "you want to talk to daddy?" I said no... and S5 told H "She doesn't want to talk to you"..S8 chipped in "she is very very tired"...and I heard S5 told his dad "Yeah. Mommy is very tired". So, didn't have any verbal contact with H last night... So, no yoyo-ing or emotional crying session...which is good..
