Wow I did not realize that your foster kids where that old. I use to work with Willie M children when I did foster care. I generally had teenagers. And let me tell you Willie M certified or not they seemed like a piece of cake compared to my own at times.
Had to go rounds with the little boy who shot my sons dad yesterday that was not fun. What I don't understand about this man is that he feels his kid is never in the wronge. Which is leading the kid to be hell on wheels when he is not at home and running home and lying his but off to dad and dad believes it and turns it around on everyone else. Lucky for me I know how to deal with this man. And this time he actually apoligized for his sons behavior after he unsuccessfuly tried to turn it around on my son. People auggh
Been painting all weekend and off to do some more. H even jumped in and helped after the games yesterday. So it is moving along a little faster then I thought though we have had several paint mishaps.
I did brooch the bi polor conversation last night or should I say at 3 this am. Did not get a yes or no as if he would be willing to be tested. But I also did not get a huge fight I expected either. I will let him think about it for a week then address it again.
Thank you for the kind words. Now if I can get my body motivated I am off for more colorful painting!
I told you in my last reply I would tell you further about H indicating he may leave the following day then took 5 to do so.
Of course. I was feeling guilty, so read into your reply, what I was feeling. Thats twice now. once with you and once with IHJ. Urgh. I guess sleep makes a difference after all.
Im taking this week off. Work can p!ss off. I feel good. Sleep is good. I am putzing around my new place, probably go skiing thursday.
Now about that secret No. forget it. I was wrong.... or at least, Ill settle for that.
Traditional is boring and this does not sound so traditional Yeah Jung was a little wacked, and so is the basis for his archtypes, but most pysch majors are....... hehehe.
I use them for rapidly classifying people and relating to them. They are archtypes, symbols, objects that hold millions of pieces of information in one concept. Ive made it work for me. Which says alot since things havent worked out so well ..... ahh well. So my theory goes, My x picked up a lot of my warrior confidance and took it into her lover/poet self. ( in life we are supposed to work at building up the weak aspects of our personality. I need to work at my king side. blech. I dont wanna. LOL. ) I believe OM is a narcisstic warrior, which means he manifest himself as a Lover/Poet. She missed that part of herself and was attracted to it. He was attracted to the true warriorness that she had built up over the years, being couragous, gaining confidance. I saw the resulting breakdowns when she would spend time with him IRL, and could picture it from her descriptions of their time together. I saw how what he was doing was killing her attraction, just from her comments, and that it was failing, but it still PISSED ME RIGHT THE Fcuk OFF, nonetheless. She would/does come sniffing around when things are off kilter, but the only response I had for her was an emotional/verbal whipping or to be froze out. She wouldnt be in that bad spot if she hadnt been an emotional/physical adulterer. Now that I am detached (not lovingly though) its easy to see. I let her down in a lot of ways, but she breached my boundaries to far. I told her Contact him again. Done. PA. Done. We can/will never have a R again. Neither of us will respect me.
Been around alot of men that don't go from one extreme to the other like this Ok. so its not mature. I too have a close aquaintance who is like this. Explodes and then its over 5 minutes later. Truthfully I see him as childish, but I also learned alot about dealing with conflict and taking the bull by the horns and dealing with things immediately from him. There are positives when you mitigate the extremes of personality quirks.
You under estimate me No I dont. so lets not go down that worst case scenario road.
You have control, so he doesnt have too. Let go of some of yours, and it will create a vacumn Where should I start?
by being responsive. Not reactive. But showing some response to his actions. positive and negative. You have already started recently. You can show pain, hurt. Saying things like --Why do you want to hurt me? Is this how you show you care for me? etc. not with anger or vindictiveness, but with real sadness and hurt. This is being vulnerable, while still maintaing your sense of dignity. Proving you are tough enough to take it, (and I do think you are strong Chrissy), silently, or with returning subtle aggression is not a tactic that has worked, or a good example to set to your boys on how women should be treated.
Now you my dear ahhh man I do have a unusual banter with on this board. But since the day you appeared I have felt that there is something about you I almost know. I know somebody in RL that is so like you it is uncanny.
Good save with the ---ahhh man --part there. In my early 20's I knew many extreme magicians also. I get the same feeling. The subtle testing that goes on that neither ever really wins. Its funny. and never goes anywhere because a magician will never chase and a warrior doesnt trust a magician. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.... As far as knowing someone like me IRL. pfff. shee. acccc. as if. there is only one BF. ( I know-- that is EXACTLY what he would say too. whatever. )
I am clueless as to what you are talking about First. YOU Suck. I went to all this effort to demonstrate histrionic markers. all for nothing. what a waste. Im laughing at myself for the sheer comedic futility of my actions. stupid BB and written communications.
So forget it. It didnt work.
Big Fat F for both of us. doorknob naive Your blond arent you? nuff said.
Still going to the dentist? <shudder>
I also can be very cutting regaurding his personal appearance and mental abilities. I really need to work on this. ok good.
But I do not not do these things so I am not indebted to him. I do not feel entitled to luxury items when I am not adding to the income and finances are already stretched.
Im so flabbergasted by this. entitled? indebted? I surely hope another women speaks up about this. ahhh
Quote: Karen-- Hang in there. I DO THINK you should buy yourself the occasional little treat. You don't owe sh!t to H - your combined income is half yours too
This is just ridiclous amounts of independant, proving no need of H....
Chrissy I commend you for your diligence to the family finances. Too many women dont assist there H's in this area. Many abuse their H's lack of ability to say no to the detriment of the family. So bravo for that. From your background and working in credit you know the dangers. But you have gone to far.
You contribute to the family in your way. That isnt just financial. Your H contributes in this way. You can buy a freaking shirt for cripes sake, and if you feel indebted, fine. say thank you. It wont kill you.
Has he ever actually laid a violent hand on you though? Simply put yes.
well this simply brings me to a dead stop. It practically makes my brain seize. I really have nothing to say.
And yes I could have just told him my version as I did here as he watched Tv and said okay. Not much of a convo and one sided ones that exist between to people are not much in line of a conversation. Try it when you go to bed. even if you 'know' it will be one sided. Try it. You made no comment about taking the initiative to plan activities, adventures though. My x was almost soley responsible for our social life. she kept track of bdays, anniversarys, etc. and certain specific activities that we did annually, or biannually like the symphony, or going to plays. It was her jog to remind me of them - continually- because I would forget them. Not that I didnt care, I just had my own stuff to remember. I had stuff I 'took care of' and she had hers.
H seemed shocked as I just stood there waiting. Okay let me explain I was so use to employees just changing in front of me at the end of shift that I really thought Uh-huh. sure. your always testing right from the get go. <funny> and I know where it comes from...
He a little cocky/self egoish yet a air of innocents/modesty about him that was funny/odd to me and he was somewhat funny and fun. And he was a great drinking partner. mmm, there is that dichotomy. along with the beer goggles.
Hope you had a great week off! And the ski trip was fun.
Yeah Jung was a little wacked
I like wacked people well except Freud. Sorry that french frie I am oogling does not remind me of a erect penis in anyway shape or form. Now I do believe Frued would have enjoyed Toni Braxtons song Your making me high.
Alot of the symbols you speak of are that of tarot cards also.
by being responsive. Not reactive. But showing some response to his actions. positive and negative. You have already started recently
Confronting issues and being direct and saying I wont take it any more I am good with. All this you hurt me why would you want to hurt me stuff is a little overboard for me. I still cannot grasp being that emotional/ Or as you would say giving over control to show I am emotional. It just feels so unnatural to me. But I am trying. I sometimes feel like I am walking a thin line of faking it though. Which is not helpful
This is being vulnerable, while still maintaing your sense of dignity.
Wierd line of thought for me those two sentences together in that form. I guess I have always felt maintaning my dignity was from not being vulnerable.
Good save with the ---ahhh man --part there.
Only for you would I have put so much effort and shown the fact I was putting in the effort. Lol
Stick that in your pipe and smoke it
I did and just about choked on the words.
If a magician would not chase then I cannot be one I always chase what I want. And hmmm you don't trust me maybe why you always think I have secrets ahhhh?
Can I be a magician on the cusp of a warrior. I like the thought of being elusive and darring and stronge?
( I know-- that is EXACTLY what he would say too. whatever. )
Hmmm did I say it was a him? my bad
First. YOU Suck
Shhh thats a secret. Don't tell the board members that they will think if BF says it it must be true and all abandon me.
Your blond arent you? Not at the moment. Why did you ask?
Still going to the dentist
Yes and he is the devil!
This is just ridiclous amounts of independant, proving no need of H....
This has nothing to do with my H. He would never say I could not have anything. I wanted to paint the house and the paint was bought with his income. Which all money that comes in this house is mine to spend as I please. I just take no pleasure in buying things for myself with others money.
This goes far beyond a shirt this even goes to what I stand to inherit from my parents. I do not want it. I did not earn it my sisters can have it all for all I care. It is not mine. My grams who is right now in a nursing home and I am internally flipping out about that. My Aunt and them are already dissembling her house to sell it. My mom called and wanted to know what I wanted from the house. Some pics of me and grams and two plates that is it. I am the closest thing my grams every had to a child she helped raised me if anyone has any rights to things that are hers it is me and I know that in my heart but in my head it is still not mine and wronge she is not dead and some of them where not nice to her all throw the years. But I know they will just trash grams photo albums (so I stated I want them)and fight over the antiques so f it and them. When my gram dies I will tell them all what I think of them and there false tears.
Sorry guess that one has been brewing. But again if I did not earn it I really don't want it/ feel entitled to it.
You made no comment about taking the initiative to plan activities, adventures though.
If you read back into my orginal thread you would see I have issues with this. My H and his lack of input in our relationship/decisions. I have completely stepped back from this aspect. It takes us to much into the mother/child dynamic when I have to supply all his wants and dreams and then plan them out.
there is that dichotomy
I like that word and yes BF sent Chrissy back to the dictionary again.
I lost the beer googles years ago with the exception of a small relapse a little over a year ago I have not drank in years. Maybe thats what I need is to put those rosy colored beer googles on and all will be good!
Well going back to listen to 3 doors down song The Road I am on such a awesome song!
Night
By the way BF how about a update of whats going on in your head /heart in more then bits and spats here and there.
Hi Chrissy! Sounds like you are having fun painting. So, what colors did you pick? I have apple green in the kitchen, yellow in the dining and living rooms, and a sort of wedgewood blue in the family room. I like colors. But I also like the neutral look too. Can't have everything though. Ahh, if only I could apply that to my sex life I think I am guilty of wanting too much sometimes. I'm a pita for sure.
All this you hurt me why would you want to hurt me stuff is a little overboard for me. I still cannot grasp being that emotional Boy am I the complete opposite of you then I let'er rip all the time. Gets me into trouble Hope things are going well for you. Have a chocolate kiss on me!
I am doing the more boring colors in the main parts of the house. Drifting dune. A real light tan. My Kitchen has been sage green for 8 years (this house and old house). But I fell in love with this April Arbor green and it is way darker and wealthier in the earth tone family and have off set it with a dark brownish color. My family always told me I should do home decor because I have a knack and it is a good pump up to get me to paint there houses lol. Little do they know all the bloopers I paint over. I was sort of afraid to go so drastic into the green family so went for a inbetween what I had and what I wanted and urgghhhhh two walls later I started over with what I really wanted. Some of my wall decor looks totally washed out with this color and some of my cross collection blends in to much. But ahhhh my teapot collection and frog collection and hmmm birdhouses look awesome. Going to get new drapes with a mix of sunflower yellow. I was amazed how outstanding a flower decoration I have in the kitchen stood out yet blended in so well with the color. It is awesome.
I think I am guilty of wanting too much sometimes.
We all are. I have the great sex life or at least the ability to have it but little to no relationship to go with it. I am really fighting the greener looking grass on the other side of the fence syndrome this week. (independence)
I let'er rip all the time
Anger or telling him you hurt my feelings and crying?
Let me ask you how you would react to this.
H and I are sitting on the couch him messing and carrying on. I am in a good mood picking with him talking junk about getting him a inflatable doll ect. I have to pee so need to get up H tells me the best time to pee is while having a O from what he heard. I jokingly say I am not into peeing on my self for any reason he would have to try that one out with someone else and let me know how it works out. H gets pissy because I am telling him to have sex with someone else. (hello I am joking around here trying to be nice build ec ect). How would you react to him getting pissy?
Me good playful mood lost automatic shut down. H did for once ask what was wronge and I did finally tell him that I guess I am suppose to be one of those anal woman who get all upset over the oh she is sorta goodlooking type comment. That I am sick of not being able to even play around with him without it becoming something stupid. Said it calmly and evenly. No raised voices no anger no nothing but simply put.
Maybe I am missing something her but I see no room to say you hurt my feelings. Or be emotional in these type convo's and these are how they tend to go around here.
Any who love the chocolate kisses and chocolate hugs back at yah.
H gets pissy because I am telling him to have sex with someone else. (hello I am joking around here trying to be nice build ec ect). How would you react to him getting pissy? Me good playful mood lost automatic shut down. H did for once ask what was wronge and I did finally tell him that I guess I am suppose to be one of those anal woman who get all upset over the oh she is sorta goodlooking type comment. That I am sick of not being able to even play around with him without it becoming something stupid.
Well Im not LFL <dont have the ripped up fishnet stockings to go with the black stocking cap>, but Ill chime in real quick < ah I cant help it>
Your H may feel that since you are OK with him going out to get someone else, that you feel it is ok for you to do. Dont try to logic me or him about it. I'm just telling you what is.
People are not able to joke about an insecurity. Which is the whole point of this interaction. Your H is not confidant in this. and it idgits you. --For the guys reading this they were teasing/bantering and then he caved when she escalated the interaction. and it killed it-- attraction for her because of his lack of confidance.
I am suppose to be one of those anal woman who get all upset over the oh she is sorta goodlooking type comment. That I am sick of not being able to even play around with him without it becoming something stupid
Honestly I understand your viewpoint, but this is as much your fault as it is his also. No you dont have to change who you are, changing who you are is exactly wrong. his insecurity is not about you. its about him. Bring your inner energy to the R to make it better. He brings his. Instead of saying "I am sick of not....."
How about " You are the man I love/want. I wouldnt say these things if we wernt just playing around, and having fun teasing. Hmm, and I thought you knew how hot you make me. " you get the idea. confidant, (thats you) affirming (thats positive) and validating/placating. (thats feminine)
You are saying the same thing, but without demeaning him. that will raise his defences to shut you out. Your trying to get him to come out. Right? to make that EC? Use sugar not vinegar.
Chrissy he brings well being to the the R. He brings his half. You have gotten better at some issues with well being because of him. I see it. You should look for it, or acknowledge it and appreciate it. He will get better at confidance if you can assist him, and help shore it up. Dont become him, and dont lose or change who you are. These 180's are being you with a positive focus, and a feminine energy.
I know... it makes you go ...blech. He passed a bunch of your tests. I should point them out. mmmmmm nope Not gonna.
Deal with it. <having to pass his tests, not-- me not telling you> Its your turn to pass some of his. Long term it will make things better. Same thing HP is doing.
I have more to say with the planning adventures etc, on your other post, smart azz blond who dyed her hair brown, but <grumble> sacramento calls. another week away from my bed. my turn to say blech.
hehehe.
In my early 20's I knew many extreme magicians also. I get the same feeling. The subtle testing that goes on that neither ever really wins. Its funny. and never goes anywhere because a magician will never chase and a warrior doesnt trust a magician. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.... As far as knowing someone like me IRL. pfff. shee. acccc. as if. there is only one BF. 
( I know-- that is EXACTLY what he would say too. 
doorknob naive Your blond arent you? nuff said.
<shudder>
