chrissy,

Wow how time flies tomorrow turned into 5 days I didnt follow thru on my word. Ick. I apologize. replying to Your sitch and Cemar, ZB needs some extra thought from me, and my lack of sleep isnt making it come smoothly. Excuses. More ick. besides your posts are so loooooonnnnnngggg. blah blah blah blah. Gosh you'd think you were a woman or something. Mine are short and to the point.





I am absolutely slammed with work. More lack of well being. Wont say no to customers. Well I do, but they offer incentives. Which sets a new precedent, and they are creating the raise in my rates. Which is a good thing. Ive had a 300 percent raise since I left in 2004. Sweet. Economy is bustling they arent joking. Why did I leave? Oh yeah Hate so cal. traffic, smog, politics, school system, didnt want to raise family here. Oh well non issue now. Still work cuts into posting time. Cut the club our for this weekend, but need to head back out in a couple hours. Lack of sleep is no longer a joke.

Thanks for the christmas and new year wishes. Hope your boys like ther mp3 players. Was working, for new years, but drank for first time in months. Had one, or ten? for you. Whew, on a few hours sleep too. Extremist BF.
<ego to brain> hey idiot were toasted.
<brain> whadyasaaaaayyyy.
<ego to id> dude take over please.
<id> 10-4 were on auto pilot now.
<ego> thanks. see ya later. over and out.



My drawer was 2 dollars off, no bottles broken, lots of happy customers and coworkers. still got it. Friend/owner was muy impressado.


I intrepreted NOP's use of the word infidel as a non believer in a commonly held belief.

I was a non believer in the sense that I arrogantly, ignorantly?, blindly?, resentfully?, trustingly brought in OM in too close proximity and thought We/I were better then that. I dont know why but it was stupid. Paying the price.

You are a infidel, in thinking you can handle any amount of stress, and lack of boundaries, and it not cause lasting damage. You have an inordinant amount of confidance.
I dont know if you know Jungian archetypes, but I consider you a magician. Slightly tattered from your overbearing king husband. Which means you are a good long term match, but attractors become detractors.
Your desire to be Mary Poppins -popping in and out of chalk pavement picture drawings- made me LOL. Yep shes a magician I thought.

Breifly warriors, and magicians have confidance. King/queens and poets have well being. Yin and Yang. Complements


do I have enough value to me to say enough is enough.

very nice. bravo.



And it would be easy to say hay why not give up what little of myself I have left what does it matter at this point. I have already compromised myself out of a majority of who I am all in want to make him happy and livable with. But I have gotten what? So if I give up what little beliefs and needs I have left and it still is not enough to satisfy him. I get what then?

Good questions. Seems you are starting to answer them, and make a stand. Getting to the good stuff, finally.



I for the life of me don't understand why I could not just get involved with a normal every day type of guy.

This is a direct quote from 'As good as it gets'. Hilarious. Think about the things I have mentioned being attractive as a man, and see if you can come up with some Ideas.


Ill come back to it when I have more time.

Here is a man that can shout and scream at someone then 10 minutes later ask them to watch a movie or play a game or with me then become totally loving and expect the other person to be okay about it all.

He let out all of his emotion. For him its over done with. On to the next thing. Kind of an extreme version of Mr. H not remembering HP's 'transgressions'. We dont have the same brain make up as you. No estrogen making three to four times as many synaptic connections in the emotional memory banks.

Which means its Not over for you. Your H is so..... MALE. The good and the bad. But also as HP pointed out childish. Little boy. You found him before he was finished cooking. But none of us are ever finished, are we? These explanations of why arent a help.

How would you rate the effectiveness of your comments to him saying 'What would you do if OM treated me like you just did?'

Its putting the weight of setting a protective boundary for you, on HIM. While you are doing it.

You arent going toe to toe though. You wont ever win that one, he will revert to cave man. Bonk!

You have control, so he doesnt have too. Let go of some of yours, and it will create a vacumn.
Kinda like my failing to reply to you, proved Im not the only one paying attention to your sitch. Gosh I fell down and others stepped up. That feels kinda nice. I need a BB IRL.

You should try it. Small steps. Your H is not a bad apple IMO. very green and kinda sour, yes. Needs salt. Thats what you like though.
You have a dynamic, that you have had even more severely with another. floormat chrissy isnt good, and neither is take control and beat back 100 pound heavier, 20 times more aggresive H's.

I know BF disagree's with my methods

Not currently.

But sitting around taking it has gotten me no where either.

Its gotten you somewhere allright. No where good though. Not taking it doesnt mean being being invulnerable. He hurts you. You should show him.
Kinda like Cobra is trying to find the balance between not saying anything, to fighting and unloading his anger.

Where is that guy by the way?

Can you change your perspective, and your life learned techniques--yourself even, enough to help your H

This was meant one way by me, and taken another by you.
Do you get what I meant now?



about the food, my policy when eating with others is, When in rome, do as the romans. Ill eat pretty much anything, plant or animal, alive, raw or cooked, put in front of me. Except dinagoang (sp?) - suncurdled goats/animal blood. nope wont do it. Still warm heart of bambi? yes.

Rather eat grasshoppers then nachos though. More protein, less trans-fat. just as crunchy.

Yes crab has calories, its protein 2500 per pound. the butter has 5000 per pound.

have a good weekend... gotta go back to work