Six month review

[Stigmata]

Chrissy-

Been trying to keep up. First of all, BRAVO on calling your H out. This is the harsh lesson behind "Be careful what you wish for. You just may get it" He made a really lame chess move (hinting type threats about leaving etc. ) and you checkmated his a$$ via informing him he just gave you the green light to split up on nice and friendly terms. Thanks, H! Oops, total freak out time in H mind. "Uhhh, what did I do? This is not how it's supposed to go down." I could hear his manipulation engine backfire up here.

" His anger is prime proof that he really, really hates himself for something, whether current or FOO.

I agree. I feel part of it is his FOO. His mom favored his brother when they were younger. Which spawned a love hate relationship between them. Most of the others in the family Aunts Uncles so forth all favored H. But I think he was blind to it. Oddly as adults she favors my H and my kids over said brother and his kids. Again I do not think H sees it. He cannot let go or does not even try to work past the past.

But on the flip of that. My H has a inflated self ego also.
To listen to him he could have been a professional baseball player football player and wrestler. He was the best at all these things. And he truely believes this.
But when asked then why he is not he just gets angry and has no answer. His parents neither of them remember him wrestling in H.S. Let alone being awesome at it. And remember him being more intersted in wearing uniforms to impress girls then being awesome at the sports. But in his mind he has a true belief he was the best. Sorta wierd."

- BINGO. Found my answer. This is what I was looking for, especially the last partIronically, he doesn't have an overinflated ego. It's a facade ego he is projecting. He has NO ego. . Self-aggrandizing and hyperbole over accomplishments is a cornerstone of insecurity and low self-esteem. It explains his anger. It's not anger towards you or kids, it's self-directed. He feels he isn't a somebody without making things up and his subconc. hates that he has to stoop to this level.

You say he's lazy, no ambition? I think he's depressed IMO, definitely in a depression. Here's a telling question. Have you ever asked him what single accomplishment in his life he is most proud of? If he can't answer , it reinforces this low self-worth issue. And if he doesn't I bet his response will be angry/defensive avoidance as this is a very uncomfortable question for someone not proud (in own mind at least) of much in own life to answer. Is he happy with his job? Does he really want to do something else? What would fulfill him and make him happy with himself? Where is his focus?

We all need to do this. All of us. We all have to say to ourselves, if I had $10 million dropped into my lap tomorrow what would I do with the rest of my life? (ok, ladies, sitting in front of tube in PJs eating cupcakes only lasts a week or 2 before ya gotta get movin'). What would H do if you 2 never had to worry about working ever again?

It is this answer we all must strive to reach. It is our purpose and what will make us the most happy in this short life. The secret is, since we don't have 10 mill, we have to find a way to earn a living out of doing this one thing or something closely associated. We have to say, "I would do this for free I love it so much." There are plenty of wealthy people doing just that.

But if your H does have something he's proud he accomplished, even if it seems small to him or to you etc., it is important for you to reinforce your admiration of his accomplishments through positive affirmation/validation. He seems like a guy who is really desperately needy of being bolstered by OP. Again, he can't seem to get affirmation from inside himself b/c he isn't happy with himself IMO.

Ok, now morphing myself back into Stigmata from the horse-toothed Tony Robbins.

" He may either be exhibiting bipolor disorder (oscillation b/w rage and suddenly chatty convos) or there is something seriously wrong with his testosterone levels

You are the second person to mention Bi Polar disorder. Maybe I should look further into this.
His testosterone levels were checked about a year and a half ago. And were within the normal range. But I have often wondered(and yes here I may sound stupid), We had sex about one or two hours prior to his test would that have effected the test results?."

- Probably a better T test would have been done with at least 3 days of no ejaculatory release. But following your sitch I think it may be more bpmd. Also, Chrissy, some of your later posts. His feelings of entitlement etc. I hate labels, I really do. If pressed, I'm sure I could find myself exhibiting indications for 30 different "disorders." I think the psych industrial machine goes way overboard with inventing new and different labels some researcher can slap his/her name on (dangling preps today for some reason, arg.)

Anyway, here is one for you to ponder. The emotionality drama, the need to be noticed etc....:


Histrionic Personality Disorder

Diagnostic Criteria

A pervasive pattern of excessive emotionality and attention seeking, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by
five (or more) of the following:
List of 8 items
1. is uncomfortable in situations in which he or she is not the center of attention
2. interaction with others is often characterized by inappropriate sexually seductive or provocative behavior
3. displays rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions
4. consistently uses physical appearance to draw attention to self
5. has a style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail
6. shows self-dramatization, theatricality, and exaggerated expression of emotion
7. is suggestible, i.e., easily influenced by others or circumstances
8. considers relationships to be more intimate than they actually are
list end

Finally, good luck with the bpmd eggshell walking if it turns out he may have indications of such via professional diagnosis. I think it was MWD or perhaps Baucom who said there are 2 types of people that will not get better in Rs without serious intervention or medication: alcoholics and people with bpmd.

At the very least I thinnk if your H got on some low dose antidepressants etc. it would do well do even out his wild mood swings and temper his anger IMO.

-Stigmata-

PS. Sorry about the dog. Yes, some dogs are idiots. Weird about the dog and kitten thing, eh? Hmm, treats the things (puppy)he's close to like sh1t yet has compassion for same things he's not close to (kitty)? Hmmm. Methinks when you're at a restaurant and he's just told you to STFU, he's a real charmer to the waitress, eh? ;-) couldn't resist.