Oh have a drink for me and dance a dance for me to! Been years since I have been there done that! lol
And I will go to bed early tonight and sleep a few hours for you.
Not funny about the falling asleep. But knowing you are joking.
you said H is threatening to leave?
He says he is. But who knows if this is another one of his antics. I will expand on it tomorrow. But there has been a two week or more build up to it. And yes being the control freak that I am I have already put him in a position that he will have to lay his cards on the table so I know if he is bluffing yet again.
Enough of the blah blah blah.
Go out and have a awesome time! Hope you got to that nap.
We had spent a few weeks with him making little comments then telling me I needed to go back to work ect. Plus his behavior was reserved. When asked a question about why I all of a sudden needed to go back to work or why he said he would not have to worry about the mortgage much longer ect. He would be very evasive. Figuring he was trying to be mysterious to set me off keel. I simply put out the questions what do you mean by that and would not except his nothingness answers. He finally said he was getting tire of the way everyone treats him (yep thats right) and he was not gonna take it much longer. I explained to him he gets what he gives.(yes he disagreed) and that basically we are not taking it anymore so that is why he now wants to leave. You know do on to others and so forth. But I told him that was fine if he was unhappy with it he needed to decided if he wanted to keep the house and me and the kids leave or if he wanted to leave and let me and the kids stay in the house. A few days later after my lil Sis left I told the kids what was going on. And that since it was there dads choice this time we should not have to endure all the crap that we did last year. It should go over fairly smoothly. Later that night I told H I had spoken with the kids and told them that this time if he choose to leave it would go much easier then my attempt last year. That there should not be all the rage and anger involved. And no blaming rages. H asked me why I said that. I told him because if he chooses to leave he has no right to threaten me or anyone else or blame me for walking away. Because it is of his choice. Yeah he did not seem to over the moon with that.
So now H is no longer making comments and his behavior is though a little standoffish seems to be returning to normal for the most part. Meaning once again he was trying use his little statements as a form of a threat to manipulate me and he is realizing it is not working.
I would like to say this surprises me or even angers me. But all I keep thinking is the little boy who crys wolf.
I would like to say that the meer thought that H would leave evoked some sort of fear or dread of lose in me. But again the little boy who called wolf. I am so use to his threats that I no longer think past his words. I think he would truely have to leave for more then a week or two to finally make me even consider he is serious. And to think/feel anything more then oh yeah right whatever. Even the kids were like not a big deal he will come right back if he even leaves.
Anywho on a different note I have noticed a new development with S14. Actually 2 but one is just funny not important. But S14 is becoming very protective of me when he feels anyone is disrespectful to me. And has even started attempting to help out around the house to a small degree. Okay so maybe it is only doing dishes twice in a week and picking up after himself a bit better. But this is big for him and me. Makes me feel like he appreciates me and my efforts to be a good mother.
On another note H will be home all weekend and I am going to try to find a way to talk to him about the bi polar testing. I wish someone else could do it but there is no one that will. So fun fun for me this weekend. Gel mentioned it once but I was not in a place to address it now I am in a slightly better mental place then I was before and feel I have the strenght to fight the fight it will take to get him to check this out.
"I told him because if he chooses to leave he has no right to threaten me or anyone else or blame me for walking away. Because it is of his choice."
I think I need to get more boundary advice from you Chrissy. I think you did admirably with the whole situation.
"Even the kids were like not a big deal he will come right back if he even leaves."
Kids amaze us sometimes, don't they.
"Makes me feel like he appreciates me and my efforts to be a good mother."
That is an awesome development. Kids can be the saving grace at times. I know I have had several bummed-out moods broken by two little girls screaming daddy and clamouring to sit on my lap so that I can read a book with them.
" I am in a slightly better mental place then I was before and feel I have the strenght to fight the fight it will take to get him to check this out."
Good luck, convincing someone that they need to get checked out for a mental condition is I'm sure very difficult. I wish you the best.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Too bad your H was only joking. I think some time away from your family is what the doctor ordered for him. He needs to grow up and learn that God didn't put you on this earth to listen to his tirades.
Chrissy, lemme ask you this: Do you think your H is kindof a bad apple, or that he just has poor anger management skills? If he got his anger under control, would his personality improve enough to where you'd want to be around him? (this is hypothetical of course, as I am taking all of the years of resentment out of the picture)
I'm sure you'll know best how to approach your H about getting tested, just be careful on how you go about it
As for his crying wolf about moving out....just curious. Have you ever looked at him and said "put up or shut up!" Literally, tell him "Look, unless you are REALLY going to do it don't bring it up....it's a threat, it's not working and I don't believe you....so put up or shut up."
My biggest worry is that if I get him to be tested. He will not be truthfull with the doctor. Just a repeat of him with the anger management C.
Do I think my H is a bad apple. No. He is a good guy in a lot of ways. I can say he is selfish but I can also say he is giving. I can say he is cruel but I can also say he can be kind in some ways. I can say he is lazy and has no drive but he also goes to work everyday he is suppose to. It is a wierd mix.
The things I cannot say he has both good and bad qaulities that even out on are he does not take responsibility for his actions. (nothing is ever his fault). He is not one to give forgivness. He is judgmental and hypocritical. He is a sore looser. He is highly jealous of others (myself his brother ect). And he expects others to do things for him but does not feel others should expect things from him. (ie when we have moved family has pitched in to help but he does not feel inclined to help others the same way).
The really confusing thing about my H. Here is a man that uses force and bullying as a way to try to house break a dog. Yet spends two days worrying and trying to get a cat that does not belong to us out of a tree.
Here is a man that can shout and scream at someone then 10 minutes later ask them to watch a movie or play a game or with me then become totally loving and expect the other person to be okay about it all.
I think some time away from your family is what the doctor ordered for him. He needs to grow up
When we went to the MC this was a topic talked about. That it may be easier to deal with our problems with some distance between us. H would not have anything to do with this whole concept even if it was for the better. He did not want me out of his sight or control.
Sitting here in my everyday life I could not truthfully answer if I would miss him if he was gone. The only way to answer that question would be if he was not here.
If he got his anger under control, would his personality improve enough to where you'd want to be around him?
Yes I think. I am really not looking for the greenest pasture. Just wanting one with a little grass. So I don't think it would be all that hard to appease me in this area. He would not have to become super H just nice H for me to find some form of contentment with him. But truth be told I don't know how long it would take him to prove to me his behavior is real to trust in it enough to be able to build some EC off of it.
Glad you and your H are doing so much better. I have been reading just not posting alot.
Lets see does Don't let the door hit you on the way out. Can I help you pack. Or where would you like your mail delivered count?
But yes about the same time I told him that I would load the gun for him I also told him that in the future if he said he was going to move out he better be prepared to do it. I think that is why he was dropping veiled hints and not directly threatening it. Also why I think he reversed his behavior when I called his bluff by saying it for him and being excepting of it. And also by knowing if it was his choice then he could not reasonably come after me. It not only quelshed his attempt of control through manipulation it also brought on a bigger reality by doing so he risk lose of all control.
I know BF disagree's with my methods. That as a female I can not refuse to step in his crap as he tells the men to do. But sitting around taking it has gotten me no where either. Others may not agree either in my method of late. I know there is a risk factor. But I am looking at it like this. Regaurdless if I am the cause of the explosion or sitting around waitting for the explosion there is still the same result a explosion. I actually have more control of where I stand at the time if I am the cause.
Sitting around being the pansy girl the last few years has gotten me now where but further in my depression. It has not changed a thing. Going back to who I am and standing up for me seems to be having better results though very slight. But by refussing to take it any more it moves the ball into his court. He will either get sick of it and leave. Or he will acknowledge his problems and work towards changing them. Either option is better then where we have been.
If he leaves I will be fine. If he decides to address his issues I will help to the best of my ability. It is forward motion either way. No longer standing still.
I actually don't disagree with your approach with your H. You know him best, as well as his behaviors.
Personally, I think you did great by voicing that if he chose to leave then it would be unreasonable for him to come after you. His response to it, shows me he's not unreasonable....you shut him down.
You are also in a different situation from many of us on this BB with your H's anger issues...so I agree, that an approach that would work for many of us on this BB may not work for you with him....I believe he requires a different approach, which you seem to have figured out fairly well
In some cases I am just winging it. I know what has not worked so I am trying any other approach I can. And I have gotten alot of ideas from others post even that are not directed to me.
I have always had a problem with being a victim of my past so decided it did not make since and let myself be a victim of my present or future. And it was time to take charge of where I am and where I am going. Well I had decided that right after I came to this board and have been making baby steps but I now feel stronge enough within my self to attempt a leap or two. I know I will fall on my ass in a few attempts but then again who doesnt.
Have a good day off to the grocery store for me. And maybe a tanning bed appointment (via Christmas present from the D). Then maybe a trip for some hair dye when lil Sis was here we colored my hair brown thinking it would be ravishing with my blue eyes. Yeah not. And now my blonde is trying to come through it making it look all kinds of funky. Maybe I could be a ravishing red head like you!
...yes I am crazy... 
I think you did admirably with the whole situation.