Well made it through Christmas and my lil Sisters visit. Now as I stated I have come back to respond to a few post I did not have time or good mind frame for the other day.
Stigmata,
Love that name it is one of my favorite movies!
As you know, your H is a drama queen. His melodramatics and histrionics are his way of attempting to control you and your household.
I so agree with this. And his droma is losing effect which is making him look for new forms of control. I am still confronting his drama with straight pure do not yell at me do not cuss at me. And the kids have even started adapting this instead of the ignore it concept we have been using for the last year. With the exception of S13 none of us are allowing him to bait us into a argument as often with his drama.
This escalation from him scares me. The gun drama. To me, this signifies the ceiling of his escalation/control attempts
I only see this as more of his drama. He has done stupid stuff like this everytime I have tried to leave. That is the only time. And since the day I told him that next time I will load the gun for him which was calling his bluff and letting him know I was done with letting him manipulate me with false threats to himself. He has not even hinted to this. It has been a year.
His anger is prime proof that he really, really hates himself for something, whether current or FOO.
I agree. I feel part of it is his FOO. His mom favored his brother when they were younger. Which spawned a love hate relationship between them. Most of the others in the family Aunts Uncles so forth all favored H. But I think he was blind to it. Oddly as adults she favors my H and my kids over said brother and his kids. Again I do not think H sees it. He cannot let go or does not even try to work past the past.
But on the flip of that. My H has a inflated self ego also. To listen to him he could have been a professional baseball player football player and wrestler. He was the best at all these things. And he truely believes this. But when asked then why he is not he just gets angry and has no answer. His parents neither of them remember him wrestling in H.S. Let alone being awesome at it. And remember him being more intersted in wearing uniforms to impress girls then being awesome at the sports. But in his mind he has a true belief he was the best. Sorta wierd.
He may either be exhibiting bipolor disorder (oscillation b/w rage and suddenly chatty convos) or there is something seriously wrong with his testosterone levels
You are the second person to mention Bi Polar disorder. Maybe I should look further into this. His testosterone levels were checked about a year and a half ago. And were within the normal range. But I have often wondered(and yes here I may sound stupid), We had sex about one or two hours prior to his test would that have effected the test results?.
but he's too far in his head rage that he doesn't notice.
Oddly he does not appear in a rage a lot of the time.
And again oddly D19 had to defend S13 this week on a day I went shopping with my sis and left the boys with there dad. D19 made a comment simular to something I did a few weeks ago. That H truely seems unaware of what he is saying after he says it. When she addressed what he had said to S13 and his cussing and threats H denied ever saying it. And would be cussing her and treatening her and when she would say do not cuss at me or yell at me he would say he was not. The same thing he does when I address this. Odd.
Your response should be same. Low even calm tone. "I am a woman. I am your W, whether that means anything to you or not. I will not be spoken to like this. I will not be disrespected."
I did approach this in effect the other day. I asked him as someone suggested. If another man was to tell me this what his response would be. He asked what I meant I said would it make you made that someone else was talking to me like this. He was quite. I said well I know you and know it would so why is it okay for you my H to speak to me like this. H said because sometimes he just gets tired of my mouth. I said oh if I don't agree with you on something and suggest something or share my opinion like the other day when I suggested your approach with chaining the dog out was not going to work that gives you the right. He said nothing else.
You have zero EC b/c you do not respect this man
I own this. I have repeatedly admitted such here that I do not respect my H. There are things about him I respect. But as a whole I do not have much respect for him in our personal relationship. My H seems to have little respect for anyone.
And the resentment grows.
I really do not dwell in resentment land all that much these days. I feel sorry for my H. And I own that I have not been the best wife. I have made terrible mistakes in this relationship and done my share of doing him wrong from day one. And I have even used his behavior as justifacation of my own in the past. Which was a load of crap. It was easier to say that I worked 15 hours a day so I did not have to deal with him then to say by trying to avoid him I failed my children by not being home for them at times that they needed me. I own all of it and cannot change it. I need to find a balance and get over the fear that if I go to work again full time I will not repeat this mistake. But as of yet I am not confident that it will not become a easy out without realizing it. It took me years to see it the first time. Anyhoo back to respect no that is not something other of us seem to have for the other.
Restraining orders blahblahblah are useless and only antagonize. In his mind he does not deserve such treatment. Escalation.
This is so on the spot. My H blames the cop that came and got me and D19 out of here last year. He now shows him total disrespect and contempt. He has shifted blame of his behavior to being this cop had no business coming into his home blah blah. It is now the cops fault for interferring not his for making someone feel threatened enough to call the cops.
So. I would get a tape recorder. I would say/show I am using it for some specific purpose or other
I actually did this years ago. H and D would fight while I was at work and would both have different stories not takes stories of what happened. I have a voice activated tape recorder. Not that I have used it in ages for this. Maybe I should give it another go.
The dog.
Yes I know about crate training. He was to big for the little dogs crate and we know have a larger one. I have crate trained several dogs. But and just let me say this is a big but!!!! This is one of the most stupid dogs I have ever ran across.
You can leash walk him. You can let him free run. You can put him out for 10 minutes or a hour. He can keep him in his crate for 15 hours out of the day and he will not go the bathroom outside. But as soon as he comes in the house he goes I mean as soon as.
Oh on a funnier note. H spent two days getting the nieghbors Kitten out of a tree. Called the fire department and animal control the whole deal. The neighbors did not seem concerned there kitten was 40 feet up and had been for two days.
