Not meaning to harp here...but I've heard what you said about restraining orders, and not having protection on a 24-7 basis...time and time again. It's one of the leading reasons women stay in situations such as yours. It's those dangerous "what if's"....the unknown. I also understand you not wanting to spoil the holidays for the kids.
I'm also not telling you WHAT to do, that's your call of course. It's just my opinion and suggestions to go along with things I've done/experienced that are similar to your sitch.
I guess that for me, I don't see your H's behavior changing because there's really no reason for it to. You are doing an admirable job at not taking his crap and diffusing many situations.....but you and I both know how exhausting that is and what a toll it takes on you.
I'm as concerned for your kids as I am for you. You mentioning your H yelling at your child reminded me of my own dad yelling at me. At one point when I was young my father was at the minimum on the verge of being abusive with me. He had a highly stressful job and I was the 1st person he'd see almost everyday....if things weren't just "so" when he'd get home, I'd catch it from him.....and LOUDLY! Now this was well over 20 years ago, and my father and I have a very good R now....but I still cringe (at least on the inside) when I hear a man yell for any reason. Because of that brief (approx 1 year) time in my life....I still carry with me that reaction, and the feeling when I react that way that I've done something wrong...but I don't know what it is.
Now my Mom was very loving towards me, very encouraging, always tried to smooth things over....and acted as the buffer many times on my behalf when I truly didn't deserve what he was dishing out......but I still carry those internal scars with me.
Also....I read what you said about going head-to-head with him with the kids out of the house, how wise do you think that would be? You are talking about a man who you have admitted you are afraid would get physical with you. If you feel you need to take him on...do it legally, do it logically....don't do it from an emotional place. Think it through.
Take care and I DO hope you and your kids have a great Christmas!!
