found a third instance of you calling me a boy

it was from before I busted you on it the first time. I just didnt take notice of it, cause it wasnt a test. I dont really care, but one time you used it to test me and I had no permissable (here) response to it. Grr. so I had to whip out the mom comment, when you did it again. You cheated so I cheated. fun, fun.



Do you like depositions

I was about to ask you a bunch of leading questions. I dont normally do that, or care for it, so I threw that in. I have been in only a couple way back when I was in security stuff. In one I actively flirted and tried to make all questions about me, my height weight , etc= look like she was trying to flirt with me. It was hilarious.

ok on to the real stuff.

But over all I am calmer. Which to me is something.

Good.



I want to offer some counter stuff to what you currently do. Its hard I have to work at it too.

It seems to me from way over here.. that you give and give and give, or at least thats how you feel. Which is all that counts. You are resilient, but you need to learn how to take. Kinda like OG does too.

You have to hold something back for yourself. more of the boundaries talk. Part of getting what you need is Asking for it.

GASP. <shudder> I know horrible. Reach out in little ways at first, ask others to do things for you- that you are perfectly capable of doing- and be ok with it. Your sis is coming to talk to you. Would you ever talk to her? Is R with her give and take?

I cant really give examples but Ill take a stab at it anyway. LOL.

ask your H for a neck or shoulder rub the next time he gropes at you. Calmly grasp his hand put it on your neck and Say 'I would really appreciate a neck rub instead. Lets save that for later itll be fun.'

When he tells you to shutup or curses at you, calmly say ' What would you do/think/say, if you saw another man speaking/treating me like that. Would you let him? It hurts my feelings when you do that.'

Hopefully I am not thinking to simplistically here.

The M/F dynamic is different on our respective sides, so
maybe I am off here. Need to ponder. Maybe one of the many wiser then I females will chime in here.

I know I can start over no matter what. I know I can make it through it.

Nod. I actually put this in my post before modifying it to ask questions. Im glad-- I got a lot more then the obvious. anyways,
This is good and a strength, but also a weekness. Do you see how this could make your H insecure? I thought/know this too. I took it too far with x.

Also it is slightly untrue. If you lost your house, you would lose alot. It would be very upsetting to your life and even if you dont react to it, or quash those feelings of loss as being irrational, it doesnt change the reality of them. Its just another stressor that gets put in the pot to boil until it spills over. Like your last depression, that seemingly came from nowhere.


I never for the life of me thought a) I could lose my x and b) that it would effect me the way it did, if she chose to stop loving me. I like to think MY need wouldnt usurp my rationality and I wouldnt be so overconfidant if I knew how my life would be upheaved and the emotional truama it caused me.
Surviving is not Living, nor being prepared, and it doesnt allow for the higher aspects of living fully.


few of your cleverly cloaked implications.

Thanks for the clever but no. Thats your job. If you dont want to you dont want to.



But to have a great relationship you need to know and care about all aspects of each other. Have you ever said this to your H?

Or maybe it is to late for me to ever break this pattern. Its never to late to turn back on the wrong road taken.

You can decipher any thing it just requires a little effort. If you do not wish to put said effort into it.

YES. Absolutely. But effort needs motivation. And we are all motivated by different factors. Your H is not motivated to do this when cut off from sex, and when he gets sex his need is satisfied, he thinks all is right with the world.
Many of the guys here find themselves in the inverse position of you. Motivating there wives to decifer, acknowledge, understand there need for sex. Your H's lack of effort to understand your need is no different then some of the LDW's.

Your gonna have to do the work.
You have the skills, you have the knowledge, but its not an obvious yes or no type issue.

If you cant figure it out with your H, the man you have been with for 15? years and the F of your childeren, who are the love of your life, you most likely wont with the next. Your testing skills are to advanced. You will never be with a man who caves to your desires.

Then you really have no interest in finding out what meaning lies beneath the words or actions.

I know what you are saying, but Not true. Some get tired of 'the game',(men with being tested) some dont understand it exists, some dont like playing. People see differently, have different drives and motivators. If this were true then the Nops would not have had success, and I am not referring to simply sex. There success is far deeper.

ah yes, I wont bring it up again (havent ever actually before now) or press it, its not really relevant to anything IMO to go thru your stuff and work on your sitch, though it is related to your detachment and control, but you are making veiled references to your 'secret' again.


One last thought that just ran thru my head,
Isnt it strange that a person can be accutely aware of exactly what their attraction mechanism is (most are not) and still be almost completely under its control, but only to be realized later, that when you thought you were not under its control, that you were making a logical choice, you still were?

Phhhhhhhhhh.


Hope your mouth is doing better.