As I was throwing some clothes in the wash. The word survival mode ran in my head. And I came to wonder. Maybe I have always been in survival mode since I was young. This would explain my lack of emotional response to so many things. And why I am big on self reliance and so just lost as how to feel and what to feel that seems so normal to everyone else and so foriegn to me. Something else falls in line with this.
My mom my older sister my grama and my exboyfriend and my ex bestfriend all had one thing in common. It was us against the world. And we were in it together. Gonna beat and defeat anything that came our way. All these relationships formed from birth years to age 11. And to this day are the only people other then my kids I have true EC with. They are who I feel the most open and honest with and react with emotions to. All of us had one thing in common the will to survive maybe that is the basis to the unwavering bond between me and these people. We were allies of sorts and who do you trust and talk to in earnest other then those who are fighting on the same side of a battle as yourself. No one.
