You need to call him on this, and it can be as simple as when he says 'no,' you say "Then why the hell did you put my hand on my C&CK then???"
I have that has lead to where we are now. This behavior is so all the time with him I use to with draw from any touch of his. In a effort to work it out I took his just because I do this does not mean I want to have sex statements and decided to either prove to myself I was misinterpting the meaning of his actions or prove to him he did. Though I no longer cringe away from his touch. His actions are still the same reguardless weather he wants to have sex or as he calls it is showing me love. And I still cannot deciper his intent. He does not see his actions as being the same. Maybe the fact he is doing this out of the feelings of lust this time and love this time is clear to him thus clouds his vision as to how confusing the same actions are to me. But to me you can wash the dishes in hot or cold water but you know what you are still washing the dishes.
I really have came to a place to believe my H cannot distingish between loving behavior and sexual behavior.
Example.
I had a root cannel the other day. I was feeling icky. I am not a pain medicine person and since I let the tooth go so long my jaw bone is infected.I am allergic to just about every antibiotic on the market but am on a lesser of the evils type. At bed time H asked if I was going to bed. I said I would be there in a minute and since I was feeling so icky he could baby me. Yeah I got my nipples tweaked my breast groped and his raging hard on shoved in against my bottom. He did not try to have sex. But that was his comforting me and being loving. If nothing else he is consistent in the never fails to disappoint category. Anywho this is his normal response to any type of effection or show of physical support to me. Which leads me to my statement I do not think my H can distingish between loving behavior and sexual behavior.I believe to him it is the same. Oddly CeMar's post remind me of my H. No matter what is going on it revolves around the yeah but what about sex.
I know we speak mostly in negatives about our spouses. I sometimes wonder about how people would view our spouses and our self through the pictures our words paint. And how our spouses would feel if they could see the image we project about them.
My H does have some good quailties. I see he tries to be a good husband He sees he is a good husband I see he tries to be a good father He sees he is a good father I see he puts effort into being a good son He sees he is a good son. And it goes on and on.
it does sound like YOU are dealing with things better now than six months ago, so take some strength from that.
I do. I can see where my own anger and resentment and frustration of my unhappiness has blindsided me and left me responding poorly towards others. Letting go of that has allowed me not only to improve my relationship with my son. But others. Though there has been alot of bad between my self and my inlaws I refuse to let the bad be everything I judge them on. I have taken IHJ suggestion to heart to look for positives. My MIL may have been a terrible MIL at times but she is a awesome grandmother. And I now respond to her from my appreciation of that instead of my pissiness of some of her past actions. My brother in law can be resentful of my boys (just for being boys he wants one but has all girls) But he is still a better Uncle to them then my H is to his neices. So I need to respect him for that. It is still a work in progress but it is so much better then looking at them all with negative plus glasses on.
