Well I decided that I am ready to come back to this board. I was doing great with pulling my life together and working on me. Every once in a while things would get rough, but I was able to work through them.
These past few days I have hit another rough patch and decided to not go this one alone.
Small background: Bomb 6/16 ILYBNILWY Moved out 6/17 Papers filed 11/15/05 Divorce Final 2/25/06
To date W has lied to me, seems to avoid actual face to face contact when possible, and is friendly when we do meet to exchange D6. Our final heart to heart conversation was around October 28th. She wouldn't meet me, so we did it over the phone. During the conversation she agreed to stop lying to me, and told me that basically it wasn't me, it was her. She also informed me that she just isn't in a space to be in a relationship at all and that she is not planning on dating anyone else.
Fast forward to these past few weeks.
About 3 days before the bomb I mentioned to W that I was occasionally jealous of the time she spent with a mutual friend.
Lately she has been seeing this mutual friend most every weekend, and he is staying over at her place or she is going over to his place most every weekend. Whether she told me they are dating or not it certainly seems that way.
It bothers me, but I wish it didn't. We are almost divorced, she has her life and I need to keep focused on mine. If she is dating or not shouldn't impact me, but for some reason I grant her the power to have this effect me. It screws with my eating, my sleep, my dreams, my happiness and I wish it wouldn't.
I have really dug back into using thought stopping tecniques and it is helping some. Now I need to get better at taking back the power I am giving her by letting her actions have such an effect upon me.
Any suggestions?
This on top of not being able to spend Christmas this year with D6 for the first time ever has been one hell of a hit. I am planning on putting up a tree and decorations in my appartment with D6 this week and trying to get the 22nd off work to spend that whole day (and hopefully the night before) with her if possible as it is our last day together prior to Christmas.
It should be fun, and will hopefull take the place of being able to be there with her Christmas morning. I have plans to spend Christmas day with two friends, or with a married couple and their two kids if the prior falls through so either way I won't spend Christmas alone. I just don't think I am strong enough to pull that one off just yet.
