(((Jo))) Maybe what your proposing "is" the best solution for now. If so, I say do it!!! However, don't rule out that in the future your other D's may choose to have a R with you.
I'm glad you worked it out that you'll have peace this Xmas. Good luck to you, Jo.
If when they're older and not dependent on him, they want an R, I would welcome that.
I suspect the oldest won't as she already dislikes me, but the others may do, in particular DD3 who used to live with me until he forcably took her and she remembers everything so I might stand a chance for an intact R with her at some point.
I accept if they don't want to, though, their feelings may not be all that good towards me. It was partly why I wrote the book, so they could read why when they're older.
I am truly exhausted and unhappy and it's no way to live. I need to get my life back.
Anyway, to the update of my holiday. We had a great time. We ate out in a restaurant every night and I took DD4 to a themed 'Bob the Builder' kids Christmas party, where Bob came out and played party games with her and then they ate party food and had their photos taken with Bob. She LOVED this, you should have seen the look on her face.
I also took her to see Santa and I sat down by this fake fireplace (the room was done out like Santa's living room) and I thought I'd better move in case it was part of the display, and then Santa actually jumped out of the fireplace. It's a good job I moved else he'd have fallen on top of me, LOL.
He gave DD4 some chocolates. She loved that too.
She went trampolining and on these rides in a fairground and we went to a music concert where I drank beer. Oh, that was bliss!
We also went to the cinema to see 'Wallace and Gromit' - it's the first time I've been to the cinema since I split up! I was sitting there getting so excited about this kids film, thinking, I can't believe I'm at the movies. First time in years and first time I've ever taken DD4. She loved it. We ate ice creams.
We had a fab time and then I had to come home to this shite, never mind, eh?
She cried when I told her we were going home and said she wanted to stay forever, so I've decided to book to go there next year but over Christmas itself to save this bother.
If I were in your shoes I would leave, if I didn't have my business I would not live close enough to XW to let her manipulate me. Moving doesn't mean that you can't come back, nor an end to seeing your other DDs, but a change is needed for your well being. It is my opinion only, but when you are not in contact with Andy your emotional well being is much better. I think you need some time to build up your confidence and rid yourself of the depression.
I am relieved that I don't live with XW anymore, now she only plays with my emotions a few times a week. My goal for 2006 is gain the upperhand, ei not let any of her drama get to me (be it money, health, OMs etc), I am going on a mission to get my pride back. Jo, I have no idea if more distance between our Xes will help, but I have been going through her drama for yrs now and so have you with your X, so what could a change hurt?
This is just my opinion, by no means am I saying its the only way. I just know I can't to the act "act as if" anymore with her, so I understand how hard it is not to get mad at them.
I looked at the banks statement from what was the joint acct., she withdrew $3350 in the last 30 days, paid her cell phone for $75 to stay in contact with OM1, OM3 and one car payment for $150. NO OTHER BILLS WERE PAID, I can't live there help and "act as if", where did the rest of her money go? Over $3k blown on gambling and OM? who knows but change is needed for me also.
I can't put a logic to it. All I know is I am okay when they're not here. I am more positive, I can think more clearly, I eat better, sleep without nightmares and have less headaches. I also don't cry, am more patient with DD4, more attentive, and I work loads better.
Today I was supposed to be working and I didn't.
Whenever I am in contact with him and them I end up a depressive, unfunctioning mess, and that includes contact with them minus him. I have slightly more good times with them, but it still affects a reduction in my mood.
So in that respect I know moving further away would help. It would help me and DD4 anyway.
Gee, I'm blushing now because you'll know all the details of my sordid little personal life! Oh well, I wrote it so I knew people would read it
I designed the front cover. It was my idea for the dying roses and the ripped in half bride and groom, but Johan added the wedding cake. It's a nice cake, actually, I'm glad he did that. My only gripe is, the bride is blonde and looks nothing like me!
Jay - you'll get your copy by about the 14th Jan as it's Christmas now and I have to ship it from here instead of States.
I would welcome commentary/questions re the text as long as people refrain from profanity
It's been HELL here the last couple of days. I haven't worked for days.
The day after that convo I told you about, my phone was ringing ALL DAY. I just knew it was him, he's the most persistant ring I know, so I didn't answer.
I went out, took DD4 to Lunch time, Play Time and then went and picked up the last of my Christmas food, including �40 of alcohol. I figured I'm going to need it.
We came home and the phone was still ringing, and you know how when someone phones, they normally put it down after a few rings, well, he didn't, it was just ring ring ring ring constantly. I don't think my answer machine is working as it wasn't cutting in like it should have.
Eventually after torture by ringing, I answered. Sure enough, Andy was there. He asked to speak to DD4. I immediately thought this was suss as he NEVER calls her, ever. Never. I passed the phone to DD4 and they chatted for a couple of minutes.
Then he chimed up 'DD1 has been trying to call you.' I said 'What are you playing at? You're up to something. I don't trust you. She never calls me. You forced her to. What is your point?'
He denied forcing her to, but if she did call, I don't believe she would call me without him pressuring her. She never has called me in 4 years, never, not even on my birthday.
Then he said, and I'm not kidding, 'You can't run from me forever.'
That's really freaky in a kind of psychopath sort of way. I didn't answer because I was so shocked, then eventually recovered myself and said 'Was there a purpose to this call?'
He said 'Are you coming over for Christmas?' I said no. Then he said he wanted DD4 if I wasn't coming. I said no.
Then he got agressive and said he'd have to speak to his lawyer. I put the phone down on him.
The ringing started up again, so I answered 'yeah?' (pissed off tone of voice).
He said 'Why did you put the phone down on me?'
I said because he was threatening me. He asked how. I said the comment about the lawyer. Then he got even angrier and said if I didn't come over for Christmas, he would take me back to court, stating 'you must like court.'
I put the phone down again. The man's nuts. PLEASE YOUR HONOUR, I WISH TO TAKE MY XW TO COURT BECAUSE SHE WON'T COME OVER FOR CHRISTMAS. Yeah, right.
He phoned back, by which time I was in tears, and I told him he was a selfish bastard for expecting me to part with my only relative over Christmas. I told him I was booking to go away next year and there's nothing he could do about it and that if I'd done that this year, we wouldn't be having this convo.
We ended up screaming at each other down the phone, and then I said, 'Fine, I'll come, but I'm not playing happy families. Don't expect me to make this easy for you.'
He said okay.
So I'm going to go round there and give him hell. No one bloody threatens me. I am so angry.
If I don't go, it'll be more solicitors letters. I said to Andy, 'You got your own way by bullying again, you must be so proud of the person you're turning into.'
greekgoddess, Here is a suggestion on how to deal with you XH as far as threatening to use a lawyer. Instead of saying "he was threatening you", tell him you hung up on him because you did not appreciate his tone. The conversation was urning negative and was unproductive. Then tell him to call you back when he intends to be cordial and nice. When you use words like "threaten" they suggest that you feel... well threatened. He obviously feeds off of this and likes it. Otherwise he would not do it. Pull a 180 on him that will cause him pause and think. By doing this he will be forced to change his appraoch and attitude. Anyway, calling a lawyer is a pain in the a$$ and costs money. At this point he just wants to cause trouble and control your emotions. He cant control anything else. Dont let him get away with it. He is a controller and you dont want or need that. Try and have the Merriest Xmas you can. ((((((greekgoddess))))))
I've been thinking up ideas for giving him a really *nice* Christmas.
I could go dressed in my court suit, or something grey and boring.
Also, he said bring wine before, so definitely no wine, and I could take that mug of mine, the one that says 'Ran into my ex the other day so I put it in reverse and hit him again.'
He HATES that mug, so I'll ask him to make me a cup of tea in it.
Then I could either not cook at all and leave it all to him while I sit glued to the TV, or I could cook and put something horrible in his dinner
Obviously no presents - I had wrapped a copy of my book but he's not getting anything now, and of course, I could play music with pertinant lyrics. He doesn't like that either.
