Yes I do still have feelings for him, but then I always will. He is and will be important to me, even if it's just a memory. He is father of my children. That means even if I re-married, he would still rank highly, or higher than new H. That is why I won't consider a new R, it's not fair to OM.
But to be fair, he hasn't made it easy for me to forget him, all these ILY's etc etc, saying we're back on and then not. That's hard to resist when you still love someone, and has meant I can't move on. I truly feel it'll always be this way with me and him and my only option for happiness is to walk away completely.
He insists upon cups of tea and 'friendliness' when he's not pushing for more. He has said repeatedly for 4 years he wants to be friends, but I don't, never have. It just messes with my head. So he says if he can't be friends he'll have to hate me, and the nastiest starts up. Plenty of ex's aren't friends so I don't know why he has had such trouble accepting this. Maybe he has now with this latest phone convo.
The girls don't have 'holidays' - he home eds them, they break when he says and not when he says too. I could ask to have them but this just f**ks with my head. Something always goes wrong even if he's not there.
You say the window of opportunity is closing. From where I'm looking it's already closed. I want to leave.
My plan for my future is to find a housing co-op where I will live with other people (I'm depressed on my own), try to sort out this depression with help and community from others, move there and re-organise Andy's visitation so he has DD4 on the holidays, aside from Christmas, and the rest of the time I have her.
That way he'd only have to come round like 6 or 7 times a year, I'd live miles away so he couldn't just pop by and I could get on with my life, make new friends, be happy etc.
