The pain that you have from VS, I am sure its horrible and I wish there was a cure that could help you. I really just want you to see your assets, you are a great person.
I know that somewhere, when you are ready there will be a man that is able to be madly in love with you and happy even though you have VS.
As a man, myself I would rather have a women that could only have sex a few times a month than one that plays games, lies about everything and sleeps with other men the first time she meets them because they are cute. I would rather have sex withheld from me for a real medical issue than having it withheld every other month because she thinks she is in love with someone else.
If I had the choice between two women, one that was upfront with me about things like VS or anything else and one who is a "Ten" but is manipulative, I would choose the honest one.
Jo it is hard for me to explain what I mean, please don't take anything I am saying the wrong way. To me you have a lot more assets than you give yourself credit for. I don't know if it would help, but focus on your good things only. I block out bad thoughts by changing what I am doing. Example for me I feel better thinking of a future lover than, picturing images of XW and her OM. When the bad images come to my mind, "I change the channel" so to speak.
