I get the sense though that your C does see it, and is trying to get you to move push to shove, recognizing that this is not going to go anywhere you'd like it to right now.
So your thoughts are that I should follow C advice and bring it to a head...And not follow DBERing?
Do you have any thoughts as to why W is going to MC then if it's rotten in Denmark? She has gotten me perplexed.
while admittedly there is nothing more I would like than to find the one man that I will spend the rest of my days with... but I've been fortunate to have experienced it a few times in my life
Quote: while admittedly there is nothing more I would like than to find the one man that I will spend the rest of my days with... but I've been fortunate to have experienced it a few times in my life
that's not me saying that...
I think he was referring to me, sorry about that Vince... somehow I guess I edited that wrong in preview...oh never mind...I was referring to "IT" as love, you know "experienced LOVE a few times in my life" SHEESH...you silly goose!!! Picturing NYS on standby with a 2x4 or have I graduated to the 4x8 my dear?
So your thoughts are that I should follow C advice and bring it to a head...And not follow DBERing?
No, that's not what I said at all. I said that it's my sense that's what your counselor is doing, I didn't write anything regarding my agreement or lack of regarding your C's idea.
Lately, some people haven't been getting the point of what I write. Please don't become one of them!
Do you have any thoughts as to why W is going to MC then if it's rotten in Denmark? She has gotten me perplexed.
I don't know. Maybe she doesn't know either.
that's not me saying that...
Didn't say I was thinking it was you! I was just replying to that comment. Sheesh, Vince, it's not all about you, you know!
Do you have any thoughts on what NYS said about the C suggestiong to bring it to a head?
Vince honestly, I don't know...I certainly do not have the expertise of your MC. If you trust them with your M, then you trust them and follow their suggestions/directions.
I wish I could help...but I certainly don't want to give you advice that may turn around and backfire. That's why I suggested asking your MC since she has spoken with you both. I just offered my personal experience as a WAW...can your W have a session alone with her perhaps so that the MC can feel her out a bit before you drop this bomb on her? Or do you think she already has a pretty good handle on the sitch?
Yes, it does go against DB and Marriage Builders for what its worth...but again, the MC gets paid the big bucks for knowing their stuff. Sorry, I can't be of more help here.
can your W have a session alone with her perhaps so that the MC can feel her out a bit before you drop this bomb on her?
MC has also been meeting with W individually as well as me...although the MC did say that she felt that W was withdrawing a bit from individual therapy, maybe W thinking that the joint sessions are all she needs...BIG MISTAKE!
I guess we all want the magic bullet, but in the end all sitch are different and everyone handles things differently...so IF I were to ask her to stop seeing OM...what do you think about this? (from a WAW perspective)
"I just feel that if while we are trying to work on our marriage these next four weeks, I find it hard for myself to see other people (she thinks we are both seeing people) while I want to focus on our marriage...what are your thoughts W?"
Maybe she says she agrees...maybe she says that she thinks she will be fine seeing both of us...of course that is when I will have to say that I won't be comfortable with that....and I understand that she is not in that place right now and I'm sorry that in order to stop the pain I must move on...
I know not typically DBERing and I'm not asking you to betray the code...just some friendly advice from someone who has been there. (I think NYS is right...something stinks about what she is doing)
Sunday's are generally the only night I watch TV...but thanks for asking.
Whoa...why does she believe you to both be seeing other people? That right there alone is enough to make not only Denmark stink (and hey NYS, I have to be of Danish descent, or did you know that?) but all of Scandinavia.
So let's touch on this a bit...did she find out about your alleged and very non-existent A before or after she started hers...and of course I have to ask...what were you thinking my friend? Because this alone would give her all the reason to roll her eyes about om...and get your attention back to where it should be, on her.
I think the wording that you have is not very threatening...she could very well be respectful of that Vince. I would see no reason for her not to be. It's not a demand...it's a request. Big difference. It shows respect for you, for her and for the M. See the difference?
When she moved out...I tried to validate and be her friend by saying "you need to find who you are and if you need to have time to find it and figure out what you need... do it...But I think that we should assume that we are both seeing others while you have this time because I know you'll me seing OM"...
But I have never acted upon it...Obviously...i'm on this Board every night
"I just feel that if while we are trying to work on our marriage these next four weeks, I find it hard for myself to see other people (she thinks we are both seeing people) while I want to focus on our marriage...what are your thoughts W?"
I think that's the acid test, Vince. Is she agrees, then you oughtta see her sincerely giving up the OM and working on the marriage. If she disagrees, well, that's your cue.
Excellently worded, BTW. Not issued as an ultimatum, and giving her a choice without pressure.
One thing though. You say she suspects that you may be seeing someone. Might she think this is your way of corralling her while misrepresenting your intention to not be involved with others? If so, she'd need to be assured that you're not seeing someone else.
One thing though. You say she suspects that you may be seeing someone. Might she think this is your way of corralling her while misrepresenting your intention to not be involved with others? If so, she'd need to be assured that you're not seeing someone else
How do you think the best way of handling that is? Do you think I just tell her that I'm not seeing anyone?
