Frank brought up an interesting point...you can call it a Vibrator, I call it a bandaid for the underlying issue. It's up to you to find that underlying issue and work on it.
Women generally start EAs and PAs based on emotional needs. I was a WAW at one time...being threatened by the om is a waste of time...however, I think it's always nice to get to know the enemy...okay enemy is a strong word...but what is it that your Ws are seeing in this man? What is it that he is giving her, that she wasn't getting from you? Same thing with women, dealing with the ow. Men and women have basic needs...however they are different.
When I was a WAW, I had an EA towards the end of the marriage. He was my safety zone to express how I really felt. He worked for my exH and I and he was first witness to the way that my ex and I interacted. It was because of my R with him that I was able to grow as a person and find my way in the world without my H...and for the record, he was 13yrs younger. We are still extremly close friends, I even helped him start a business two years ago.
Frank knows when his marriage took a dive and he's working feverishly on that. He's on a tough road but he knows this. He also knows the om is nothing, a vibrator, a bandaid...but his wife is still seeking the om as a comfort zone. He has work ahead of him to turn this all around...perhaps the other night will prove to be a turning point for them both. I do hope so.
Is your W good enough for you? I throw the question back at you...are you good enough? Are you strong enough to be her man (sorry, that's my song, had to throw it in there.)? It's always easy to say that we wouldn't have an A, but truth be told, we don't know...there are no guarantees in life. You don't know...I read posts from many of the men currently on here and I see them heading for an A themselves...if they don't stop and work on themselves first. It's hard work, sometimes it's easier to walk away and start over.
Drop the revenge thought, that's your heart breaking and you know it Vince...work on yourself...get out there, GAL, make new friends...become the strong man that your W needs...and even if you decide not to take her back one day...and least you have learned the skills for a new relationship. Let go of the pain, bitterness...it's not healthy...you're too good to get caught up in that.
