she must have brought it back to slap me in the face

Maybe yes, maybe not. Either way, the deal here is for you to not personalize stuff she does or doesn't do and let it roll of you.

I'm trying to think of it's just her trying to get a rise...but why...I have done nothing to her...Is she that riddled with guilt that she has to do this to me? Is that normal for the WAW behaivor?

If her intent truly is to anger you, then what she may be doing is trying to fuel her justification (which also indicates she's running out of justification, and also indicates she's not done with you). If she gets you angry, and you demonstrate that anger to her, she can say to herself, "See? He'll never change. I'm right to be doing what I'm doing."

I was all prepared for W to deny the JT for next week and prepared myself for the worst and she agreed to go to the therapy next week...whew...I am so emotionally drained...I can feel myself checking out and I want to let her know because I know once I check out and it really starts to sink in as what she has done to me PA, lieing etc, I will hard pressed to ever forgive...Is that where I'm supposed to be mentally? If so I'm just about there.

You're getting emotionally drained because you're very vested into her, detachment from her will balance you. You're on a rollercoaster. Telling her "I will hard pressed to ever forgive" is something you may therefore regret saying later. Where you're "supposed" to be mentally is disengaged from her; see her actions more as a side show rather than the main event.

I asked W what do you want to get from the session...she said "I don't know"...really ambivolent...I ahve decide that IF she actually does show up for the appt I will be open but if I feel like she is conducting a charade, I will cut the cord, because I don't want to sit there and allow her to continue to demonize me and hurt me

Her not having an outcome to the JT is telling; it does indicate that she's not doing this whole heartedly. This may come out in the JT sessions. Again, don't permit her "demonizing" you to hurt you, turn your switch off. She's not happy, she's painted you black in her mind, that's where she's at, and she's done that because she has issues dealing with reality. Perhaps that aspect will be apparent to the therapist, in which case the therapist may suggest individual counseling for her.

It seems to me that the guilt goes along with the A. My W hasn't even admitted to the A yet. She has so much guilt right now that she doesn't have the guts to stand up and tell me that she's seeing someone. She just keeps hinting at the little things thinking I'll file and she can come out of this smelling like a rose.

You're coloring her actions with your assessments. I think it's more like that she is giving you little clues so that you'll make the break for her, because she hasn't the resolve to commit to finalizing the end of your relationship.

I really want to let her know how I feel, but I know that getting her to sit down a talk about it will not having easily.

Telling her how you feel will serve to vent your feelings, but insofar as drawing her closer, you know it won't help that effort, so the issue becomes "what do you wish to attain here?" It's like if you had a meeting with your boss, and you really want to tell him off, but you also really want that raise, how do you handle yourself then?

it seems now that my confidence and positive thinking may have told her that I have moved on and that I don't care enough to make it work.

That's not a bad thing. Remember, the one who least wants the relationship has the most power over it. When one partner backs off, the other is more likely to fill that void and pursue. If you create that void, then if it's in her, she's more likely to feel that void.

This person has a violent past with her they were engaged once and she broke it of because he used to beat her.

Wow. Well, if he hasn't changed, he's likely to demonstrate the same behavior again, given time.