Well, today is tough...like many of you are going through the same...I find myself throwing myself into this site over the past two days trying to gain strength and it has helped...
I called my W this morn and wished her a Merry Christmas and of course got her VMail...my message was very up beat and light and to the point...did not think I would get a call back but within about 10-20 minutes I did get a call back and in that split second I had to decide to answer or to not...maybe wrong, maybe right I don't know but of course I did answer and I think she was suprised, she prob hated that she couldn't just leave a VM...I was very upbeat, livly and positive...we talked small chat for about 3-4 minutes and then I told her I had better get back to the family and she quickly ask me to wish my family a Merry Christmas before I got off...I said you do the same and I'll talk to you later. I was so empowered when I got off the phone...I was stong and confident in my call (of course she does not know that for the past two days I have been in misery)
I'm starting to see a pattern developing here with me...when I prepare myself for the worse and it doesn't happen, I'm pleasantly suprised and can handle the sits much better...like the phone call...it sucked...we were distant, there was no affection or love, but I didn't even think I would get a phone call back so I was enjoying what I did get from her...Is this what they call baby steps? HOWEVER, PLEASE HEAR ME...I do not think this is a sign of better things to come...I feel she is just keeping the face corgial for the social and family views. I still feel that she is going to refuse the MC next week which will send me off the deep end and I will not want to continue...soI am preparing myself for the worst which will for her to say that I don't want to work at M or go the C...so we'll see...
