I don't think that I want to work on it and take months out of my life on her to continue the A...I'm no spring chicken, 37
To me, 37 is a spring chicken age, lol. I guess at most any age we can feel like that, yet I do see people of many ages finding partners. I'm 51 right now, and find I attract women anywhere from about 25 on up. Older women report attracting younger men. Being 37 is not a bad thing! My ex FIL was widowed in his early 70's and now has a "companion". Met a guy a couple of weeks ago that met his current wife in his early 70's. It's a big world.
I hear what you're saying, yet one week ago you were saying you really wanted her back. You sitch is young, and you're on the emotional rollercoaster, and when the coaster is down, you'll feel like calling it quits. You'll feel differently when it's up.
You don't have to devote yourself to work on this, but you can still work on this without taking months out of your life. More on that later. One reason to do so may be that having no regrets; you may want to know that you did all you could do, and walk away not wondering "what if?". You may want to know that you gave it enough time. You may not want to regret that you acted too hastily, after all, your situation is still young.
feel like there is someone that might be interested in me that does not have commitment issues.
Hmmm... you guys were trying for a baby when this happened. You may be unto something here, as that most certainly could be something that triggers a commitment phobe to panic and run. Have you read "She's Scared He's Scared" by Carter and Sokol? Give it a read and see if any bells ring for you.
So now, I'm thinking, and this is just a guess, those birth control pills she was taking... if that was so that she wouldn't get pregnant by you, it would seem to confirm her commitment issues. How long were you married?
The way I feel is if she wants him that bad, have him and the life that goes along with it...not the way I would want to live, but maybe they are in love.
Maybe they are, but it's unlikely they are. They're probably more into infatuation at this stage, if anything. The OM being the opposite of you indicates that it's not about love, it's about her seeking something else, anything else. OM is only serving her purpose for the time being and unwittingly plays that role, and she's likely to come to a realization that he's not suitable as a life partner.
I just can't take the pain anymore
What you're feeling is normal. The pain can be crippling, for sure. Yet whether you work on the relationship or not, this pain can continue, there is no escaping it. The only way to truly stop/ease the pain is to go through the process and work on thought control, disengaging, letting go and GAL etc. That takes some time.
Would love to have a success story that LRT worked by filing for D, but honestly I don't care. The hurt that would have to be overcome, she should have to seriously repent to even consider and that is just not her.
Filing for D doesn't change anything but the legal status of the marriage. That's not part of the LRT. If there isn't a substantial reason to D right now, so early in the sitch, such as to protect financial assets if she's depleting the accounts, or that you're not getting child support, for example, then there's no rush to D. Serving her D papers will likely not cause her to turn around in her tracks.
LRT consists of going darkish by not initiating contact and being vague about yourself when you do have contact with her, not engaging in pursuing behaviors, and GAL and detaching emotionally from her while still being positive and loving in your contacts with her. That sounds like a good step for you, as doing that will help you center yourself and put your focus on you. It will also probably have her feel the loss of you, which is anathema to a commitment phobe.
LRT won't take months out of your life as you'll be moving forward, this just being how you'll do so and how you'll treat her when and if she makes contact with you. Look at it as an option rather than a sole purpose; keeping the door open while not waiting around the door. Also to consider is that you may very well not be ready to be with someone else at this time. First you have to get yourself back and over this thing. You may look into group activities rather than one on one dating to have a social life. Do have a social life.
but what is the best that I can wish for...total reconciliation...a life of wondering if she is late coming home from work, is she cheating again? What kind of life is that? That is the best I can wish for?
Well, some people do have successful reconciliations and do end up with a better bond than they had before. Rather than wondering "what ifs", why don't we cross that bridge when we get to it? If she came back to you some time in the future, you have the option of determining what you'd like to do at that point.
