WAW moved out today...what started as her needing to get a few things for her new apt turned into her taking everything she owns and of couse left every picture of us. That stung.

Well, she has a right to everything she owns. You don't want her stuff anyway, do you? Make the place your own now. Put her pictures away, box 'em up. Hey, my ex, when she was packing, got to our wedding album, took a look at it, flipped through it, then put it down and left it here. That hurt too, but you know what? Maybe it hurts them to take it and be reminded of what they're doing. Anyway, who cares? Says a lot about them.

Give me strength!!! My W who moved out yesterday is at OM house already tonight...she can't even have all of her stuff put away at her new apt. and she is at his house tonight?

You're thinking about her too much. She's going to live her life whichever way she sees fit, and if you're going to have twists inside you every time she does or that, you're living in reaction to her, not for yourself.

I mean I have a lot to offer someone and she is not even emotional about leaving us and going straight over there, what kind of fool am I?

You're no fool. How are you a fool based on what she does? I'd say it's more foolish to consider one's valuation of one's self based on what someone else does or think, especially someone like a WAS who is way ahead of you on the road of being emotionally divorced and detached from the relationship. You have some catching up to do, as you were not prepared. You'll get there.

I gave her a letter yesterday as she moved out...not gushy...not loving, but saying that I have been in her shoes (She did not know about sits on first marriage) I was trying validate her feelings as what she is going through.

That may resonate inside her and stick in the back of her mind, but it's not going to change anything right now. You've given her letters before, letter giving doesn't do much. It's a way for you to vent because you want her to know how you're feeling, so it feels right for you to do it, but to her, she wants to get away from all this, so to her, it's just more of the same. Like you, I've been a walk-away. I've been a walk-away a few times. I remember how I felt and thought back then too. Any attempts to bring me back were all dismissed by me, instead I was headstrong in my determination to walk. There were some left behinds who promised me anything if I'd come back, but that behavior literally both disgusted me and angered me, typical of a WA.

My point is, that if you wish to have any affect at all as a LBS, you have to put on the WAS's mind set best you can, and fight the battle there.

But my being a left behind was certainly devastating, unlike being a WA, and we react very emotionally and in accord with our own interest. That's the trick, to overcome that. And really, it's not about winning the WA back, but about climbing out of this mess and grabbing onto a better life.

We are suppose to go to joint therapy the first week of Jan...wanna bet we don't go? I think she only agreed as to save reputation as "we tried everything"

Or to just get rid of the issue, pretending to agree, figuring she'd either not go, or if she does go, she'll tell you it's not working for her (because if someone doesn't want to work on it, all the counseling in the world isn't effective).

I have two options, send a text message while she is over there tonight and say, I've thought about things and I don't want to be a part of this anymore. or wait two weeks and see if she goes to the therapy, but still as the book "uncoupling" says in she is saving face by "trying" but "trying to fail"

Sounds like the book puts what I've just written in that way...

You have more than two options. You can decide to do nothing, right now. You don't always have to act on something or do something. The text message, I mean, if you don't want to be a "part of it", then just don't bother with her. Look, there was a point in my sitch where the more I realized that what it would take for a successful reconcilation for me and my ex required oh so much more than her simply saying "I think I made a mistake. Can we try again?", and while I keep my options open, I realized also that unless she gets it and grows up, that I'm asking for trouble having her back. If it's trouble to have her back, then why the hell would I want her back? Then I catch myself thinking, then why am I even thinking about her anymore? Should I send her that message? No, why bother? Am I making any sense, or am I just rambling?

why continue the humiliation...if we are meant to be, then we will be, but no more humiliation and hurt.

You've suffered a trauma, one that deflates esteem and ego. Very painful. But the event is over, my friend. Any further humiliation that you feel is coming from you, be aware of that. Everything that she's done says a lot more about her than it ever could say of you. She's the one that should feel humiliated, not you. She won't because she's distracted right now. But she'll have her moments. Have a great night, try to, anyway. Hang in there, it WILL get better! Hope this gave you some strength!