Hello all, I've been bouncing around the forums for a while. I'm wondering how many of you still wear your wedding rings while you know your H or W is doing what their doing. My W has moved out and has a OM. She has her ring off. Mine is not coming off till a D is final.
It might have been a couple meetings before I noticed hers was gone. It hit me hard the day I saw it. Around that time I had told her she could have 5 years to run if she needed it, I just wanted her to be slow to pull the D trigger.
10 days later I decided to really drop the rope and told her that if she wanted to proceed to D I would participate willingly and efficiently. About that time I decided to take it off.
But where to keep it. I took the tie I wore at our Wedding, placed it on a teddy bear I once bought myself and tied the ring up on it. One week later I bundled up some things that I'd begged her not to take and placed that tie and wedding ring on HER bear and put them in the top of the box. Shortly thereafter I left that box with her when we met.
I took the ring off to show her that I was letting go. I gave it to her (secretively, yes) to show her that she is free but if her freedom gets old, the next move will be hers.
Mine's on. W has never worn hers consistently, due to this weird fixation MIL and SIL gave her about hurting the kids with it (ladies, you might give me some opinion on whether this is actually a concern or not for mothers of young children). But of course W always wore it when she left the house.
When W told me about her A, I noticed then that she had started recently before going out without it. I kept mine on, but wondered why. Then a few weeks later when we had a big fight over OM and I moved out for 4 days, I left it at home. (Left it in the same jewelry box W had left hers in, right next to it.)
But it never felt right to not have it. My fingers kept moving to where it was, and it just wasn't working. I actually went to the house on Monday when no one was there and got it, and put it back on. I have had it on since. I can't say that W's noticed, but my feeling is that it is a non-verbal, non-confrontational way to show her that I'm not giving up.
Out with the old, in with the new
2006 will be better than 2005
I think I am heading to my H's jewelry box now with my own ring. Unfortunately, both of ours have been of for a year, that's when the bomb of his OW came out.
I do love the idea of the rings being together, even if we aren't. It makes me feel hopeful and may or may not make him sense this too. I think I'll take that chance.
Quote: I do love the idea of the rings being together, even if we aren't. It makes me feel hopeful and may or may not make him sense this too. I think I'll take that chance.
Can't hurt!
Out with the old, in with the new
2006 will be better than 2005
I don't think my H has worn his in almost 8 months...when we separated for the second time. I stopped wearing both my engagement and wedding rings about 2 months ago...it was just too painful to look at it.
In gods eyes you are married, so why take it off. Wear it around your neck
"A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue." Proverbs 17:27-28
