But you see, the pitfall remains the same, to have the WAS read that book and actually change their mind. That book is written for the LBS to help get over their crisis (and I've a strong hunch you're going to find a repeat of similar material you find here in that regard), and also for a WAS who WANTS to get out of the affair. If you're thinking of leaving the book around so that he picks it up, reads it, and has an awakening, that's very likely not going to happen, just as much as if he were to leave a book lying around that explains why affairs are a good thing would change your mind.
A WAS becomes a WAS on their own, reaching that decision after some time. Likewise, they must be left to themselves to come to any new decision where they wish to turn things around. You can however create an environment where they may be influenced and become more likely to reconsider. Certainly trying to appeal to their reasoning facilities isn't part of creating that environment because they're simply not reasoning. An affair isn't a logic driven event. WASs are dealing with emotions, and acting on those feelings, and there's the aspect of the WAS's lack of emotion vested in the primary relationship, from which lack they likewise have nothing to act on towards the relationship. These are the avenues that have to be fed and fueled for a WAS to reconsider.
Pointing out to a WAS what the marriage gurus have to say only puts the WAS in a position where they will defend their actions. They will believe that the advice does not apply to them; that their situation is different. They will also see it as a tactic from you to browbeat them. If they're just not interested in reconsidering, no amount of reasoning will work. No matter what you point out, they will find the reason(s) why it doesn't apply. By pointing these "facts" out to a WAS and therefore prompting the WAS to defend themselves and go over their feelings and reasons in that mode, in effect, digging their feet deeper into their stand, one only helps make the WAS become even more convinced that the WAS is correct in what they're doing.
