You can't "heal" a marriage while an affair is going on. It takes two people to repair a marriage. You need a willing partner, not someone who's emotionally unavailable, interested in seeing how it works out with someone, not interested in your relationship You're jumping the gun. First you need to re-attract your H hopefully so he gets to the point he wants to work on the marriage.
Giving them books to read just pushes them away further. They have to come to their own realizations, not be spoon fed them. It's like proselytizing; they'll put up a defense and find all the reasons why the data doesn't fit. You're in effect forcing your wishes on them.
You don't reason with, argue, with, point out the sanctity of your marriage vows to, nor have them read something so as to convince a WAS. That doesn't work.
You're looking to your WAS as being the key in turning the situation around. Well, he's mostly responsible for causing the situation, so the key has to be you, not him. Forget about what kind of coaching he may need, you can only control yourself and take care of yourself! The thing to do is focus on you, not him, let go of all the assumptions, analyzations and sign reading and GAL, pursue your own interests, improve those behaviors that were your contribution to the relationship's bad parts, make those changes, detach, detach and then detach from him - and you can read a lot via these forums on what that all constitutes.
