I have a large stack of books on how to heal a marriage *after* an affair, but are there any books on how to heal the marriage *during* the affair? If the affair is already over, and the partners are trying to deal with the aftermath, in regaining trust etc., I know this is difficult, but to be honest I have to say that it seems like a piece of cake compared with attempting to repair the marriage while the affair is still going on. It seems that there is not a single book that deals with this! Or has anyone found any helpful books on this topic?
The other difficulty is that whenever I suggest a book to my H, it seems to backfire. For example, the book "The Truth about Love" explains that there are stages of love, and that the intensity of infatuation is just an initial stage that does not last. This helps explain why the cheating spouse shouldn't just compare the intensity of emotion that they feel towards spouse vs. "other person" in determining whom they really love. That might be helpful, but then the book goes on to coach the reader on how to progress from the infatuation stage to the more mature stage of love. That's the last kind of coaching that I need for him to receive!
Then there are books on how to improve lovemaking and communication. That would be good except that now he can apply these skills to the o.w.!
What book is that is mainly addressed at convincing the reader that improving a good marriage is far more valuable than starting over with an extramarital affair?
I don't begin to think that books can solve these problems, but if there are any good ones out there, they might help a little bit. So if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.
