Quote: In my former life I was a WAW. Scenario was not unlike your sitch. When I had finally had enough, I walked. Nothing could have convinced me to stay. Your W is still there. I'm not sure she is ready to throw in the towel. I know every sitch is different. It's just my gut feeling that she's not totally sure. I hope I'm right.
I didn't know you were a WAW. That gives me even more respect for your opinion. I guess it's hard for me to believe she is not ready to 'throw in the towel' since she says she is 'in love' with OM. She writes and calls him 'my love' in her e-mails. It seems to me that she is 'getting along' with me for the kids sake and never expects to feel the 'depth' of love she says she is feeling for OM. I know that affairs and 'in love' are not real love and they end eventually but even if it does end, why would she want to try to fix things with me? And what if it doesn't end?
Can you elaborate on your feelings, is it intuition?
Did you do something similar with an OM?
I still don't get the throwing the plastic rose he gave her, and the mistletoe she had taped to her monitor 'to honor him' in the trash when she still is 'in love' with him and expresses it every chance she gets. I looked at that as something hopeful that the relationship is fading but it seems like it isn't. But why would a woman do that?
I think she is still living with me because she doesn't think she can make it on her own financially right now, and she has this belief that she can't leave the kids. Our counselor has convinced us to live together for up to a year to process our old negative feelings and allow the kids to be comfortable with our separation. W says that is important to her so we don't have negative feelings between us. I just don't know what to believe in but at least we will be physically around each other but I don't know if I can take OM for a year.
I guess I just want to know that this OM really is going to end and when!
Last nite the friends (hers) who we went to their party 2 weeks ago where W flitted from friend to friend telling them she was 'in love' and happy while I was miserable invited us to come by sunday for caroling. They had talked to W about it and wanted to make sure we would be comfortable together. When W mentioned this to me and said 'you were pretty miserable and I think they don't want you to be that way' I said "well what did you expect, you were telling everyone you were in love, and happy while I was there feeling like a jerk".
She said she was sorry and I laughed and left the room. A few minutes later she came to me and said she really was sorry. I asked her if the things she had been doing the past couple days, the playfulness and the kiss on the head for cleaning her car were just forced acts or is she really trying to have a better friendship with me and she said she was forcing it at first but is feeling more comfortable now.
And that's another thing. Some of the things she is doing could be called 'flirty'. I try not to take them any other way but they sure seem like it to me. Like this morning she said something funny to me and I stuck my face about a foot in front of hers an gave her a funny face look and she popped a piece of mini wheats cereal in my mouth. I mean, this stuff is all 'playful' and like I said, 'flirty'.
Yet she goes to OM for her love.
Spitfire, Did you do that stuff when you were WAW?
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My biggest reason is that YOU seem to have gotten it. You know you screwed up and you seem to be willing to do all the hard work to win your wife back. You also seem to have a good handle on this DB stuff. I'm sure you may backslide some. We all do. But overall, you seem to know how to keep your head and stay the course.
Yeah, but does she want to be 'won back' or is it a closed door? What is it? How can someone leave their husband based on 'falling in love' with someone they barely know, and maintain a long distance EA with an occasional PA?
Then continue to live with their husband whom they have demanded a divorce from, and go to counseling to 'heal the anger' so we can be better 'friends'? And in the counseling you can see we loved each other so much but were hurting each other. And her comment that we should have done this counseling a long time ago. Then she goes to talk to OM like it never happened.
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This reply was off the top of my head w/o rereading everything. If I see hopeful signs in future posts I will point them out.
Sometimes off the top is the most genuine. Please do point them out! thanks!
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Have a very Merry Christmas. Remember to "act as if" you will be enjoying many more together. Be loving and patient. Tell yourself "I can hold on. I can do this."
Yeah, that is what I need to do. Please tell me that you think this can work. I need to believe in it because the OM stuff that I thought were signals that is was fading have not turned out to be true.
