I agree that there is a lot of hope for your sitch, and you made some important points in your own post above:
Quote: Basically it comes down to the fact that we held back a lot of our love for each other, or didn't let the other one in. It was pretty obvious we loved each other, and that we also were hurt.
You've had the love before and you can have it again. My H has been saying that he *never* loved me and that he can't love anyone. Your W is saying that she wants those feelings and had them once with *you*.
Quote: 'it wasn't really as much a relationship as it was an event, or a chance to live out a fantasy' and W agreed. Her tone of voice seemed to be saying that it is fading out.
She recognizes that it's a fantasy. Okay, she's still writing to him, but that doesn't mean that it's anything more than a dream or wish. And her dream isn't necessarily *him*--it's a loving R, and that could well be with *you*.
Quote: On the drive home we were totally emotionally lost. W says 'why didn't we do this work on ourselves a long time ago?' I said 'because I guess we weren't ready to'. "What does being loving, kind and nurturing look like in our current situation?". W says "I don't know".
She's confused and can see that had you both done this long ago, you wouldn't be where you are now. Even she can't deny that there is hope here.
You do have a chance, Frank, even a good one. I only wish I could be so positive for myself!
Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
