Quote: I take it your daughters are not allowed in your wife's room...because then they'd see the mistletoe taped to her computer and ask questions, right?
They just don't go in her room - it's not like it's a destination. It's her massage room too. And even if they asked they'd get a lame excuse.
BUT this is weird. When I went in her room this morning, the mistletoe was GONE. Let's see, plastic Rose he gave her - in the trash. Mistletoe - Gone. But she still sends him e-mails that seem to indicate all is well. It's only been 2 weeks since the got together and 'fell in love'.
Quote: Be ready for the backlash from D15 when she finds out the truth.
Yeah, Counselor said the same thing. She said she can't hide it forever...
Quote: I think it's good that you are stepping out of the way; let W. hit bottom, and she will. It's good that the pain she is causing the kids is beginning to sink in. Let it. This can only help the situation.
Yes, I saw C today and she said the same thing. Stop trying to fix things for her. She also said that my statement I made which was:
"I thought that the SEPARATION and us spending time apart growing on our own was great for us. I have grown a lot during this time. I think that the divorce is a BAD idea. It's BAD for ME, It's BAD for YOU and it's BAD for our FAMILY. But I will continue to honor your request for it."
Made her stop because it was truth and could not be argued. BUT she also said that the line 'I have grown a lot during this time.' basically said "I grew, what about you?"
Either way, she now no longer has me as a perceived 'ally' in her quest for Divorce. I'm not getting in the way, but I do NOT approve. Also, the following is now true, whether she can admit it or not:
-- I changed. When she confronted me about supporting her decision to divorce I stood my ground and said 'no, I do not' without being mean or vindictive and also said I would honor MY commitment not to stop HER from doing it.
-- I dealt with all the girls problems WITH HER that morning. Usually SHE would be that person. She basically 'gave them' to me and I took care of everything WITHOUT GETTING ANGRY. I was the one who was loving and nurturing. She has to be thinking in the back of her mind that 'if he can be nurturing to the girls, maybe he can do it for me too'. In fact C thinks that when she does decide to be in the relationship she will enter it via the kids, being one of them with me.
-- She feels guilty about the affair. She may be thinking that 'no man would ever take her back' after what she has done. And I don't pursue her so she has to wonder what I am thinking.
-- I forgot to mention that yesterday morning after all this went on, she was feeling bad and crying a little that 'D15 hates me'. I waited a minute then asked her If I could give her a hug. She felt safe enough to accept a hug from me, and let me stroke her hair when she was hurting.
-- C thinks that OM is slowing down in his reponses to her. She is the one carrying the ball in all this and he will play the game, but not commit. Why toss the rose, the mistletoe? Losing their sentimental value?
-- C thinks the odds are OM will not come to California. After all, it didn't cost him anything to get laid when She went to CT, she even paid for the hotel room. It's much more expensive to come here. ($300-$500 plus a hotel)
-- C thinks that part of us building a relationship again is rebuilding RESPECT and ADMIRATION. Only then can love return. Well, I have her RESPECTING me now.
-- C says the biggest obstacle in our way is that W knows that every time we have reconciled in the past, we have gone back to old patterns. She doesn't want to repeat history again so she will not want to believe my changes are real. What W doesn't know, and she will hopefully see in counseling with me, is that not only are they real, they are going to continue regardless of what happens between W and I.
Tomorrow we have the whole family in counseling session. D15 is chomping at the bit to nail mom down on her actions. Should be interesting.
Thursday is W and I session to work on 'past hurts' so we can be friends. Busy week!
W was pretty nice to me tonite. sometimes distant, other times not. I'm feeling sort of middle of the road right now.
Don't forget my big, tall prayer I am asking for: pray for me that OM will NOT come to see W in February like she is trying to arrange. That he will get a SMALL bit of conscience and back off from her, let her go, stop this stuff.
