Quote: How is she with the kids? Has she stopped spending quality time with them, in order to have more free time in her room on the computer?
ok, let me be real clear about what she does every day - as I observe it.
She gets up every morning and goes through the before school routine with the kids every day. Nothing different there. She is a massage therapist so she will have clients at the house or out of the house. She does that no problem. In fact if you didn't know about her Affair she's pretty normal. She used to spend more quality time with D10, playing games and stuff. She still reads with her before bed and goes through the whole rituals and cuddles her in her bed. So I would have to say that life is sort of normal.
She doesn't hang on the computer all nite, or all day. She does check in for e-mail and messaging whenever she has a chance. And she goes to her room around 10 pm (1 am EST, OM time) and does get online to see if there's e-mail or if he is online so they can chat. So as far as the COMPUTER / INTERNET it isn't an obsession but she does use it as a way to communicate with him. She will also talk on her cell phone with him a few times every 1-2 days while she is driving somewhere. She won't usually call him while she is at our house because she knows I disapprove of her doing it anywhere but in her room.
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This isn't a real relationship, frank. I don't know what it is, but it's not. She's REALLY lacking something inside and this obsession with this faraway OM has gotten a hold on her.
Well, yeah. That's why she is a WAW.
Let me describe the 'situation' with OM as I see it. She says it isn't a 'relationship' because it can't be one. They are just 'lovers'.
He will generally send 2-3 emails each day. They are almost always poems, pictures, animation from web sites that he gets e-mailed to HIM every day from a mail list. It makes him look like a real romantic but in reality he is just a copier.
Sometimes he will send an e-mail where he actually says something. Not often though. When he does it's usually 'I AM SO HAPPY THAT I KNOW I LOVE YOU, I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED YOU' (the whale thing) or 'you are my true long lost love!' and other stuff like that. Or he will complain about his 'ex girlfriend' who still lives with him and won't give up trying to get him back.
She will reply, usually asking him if he feels the feelings that the poems or pictures are saying (so, do you worship me?). I actually have never seen him reply to those questions. He may have but I don't recall it. She will say the usual "I LOVE YOU's" too, and tends to write a little more but not much.
She sent him a picture of herself recently. He may have asked for it.
I don't know what they say in the Instant messenger but I saw it once and it was just him saying 'LOVE YOU!'. You really can't say much in IM anyway, in my opinion. It's good for teenager type talks but that's it.
Our cell phone logs show that about every 1-2 days she will call him and they will talk for 20-40 minutes. When I told her that she was using a lot of our rollover minutes she said to me " I guess I shouldn't call OM so much, we really dont' talk anyway".
So, there you have it. A few e-mails a day, maybe 1/2 hour or so of Instant Messenging and 40 minutes of phone calls every couple days. That's their relationship. They got together 2 weeks ago in Connecticut which is when she 'fell in love for sure', slept with him, etc. She is trying her best to work out another meet in February.
By her recent e-mails she is still convinced he is her soulmate and she is in love with him, and he is in love with her. They are just being prevented from being together by fate.
I notice that she is 'up' after she has talked to him. I can tell by the phone logs. After they don't connect by anything but e-mail for a couple days she is crappy.
I'll re-tell the 'starting' story again.
She was in Hawaii at a retreat for massage therapists. The last 3 days before she went we were intimate. Things looked like they were getting better. I was starting to pick myself up emotionally and I saw some progress.
She was unhappy with our relationship and shared that in the 'talking circle'. During the week she called me and was missing me, loved me, etc.
BUt apparently on the last day she was doing a two person massage on OM and he opened his eyes afterwards and said to her 'I love you'. She then felt a rush go over her and knew she was his soulmate from another life, where they were whales and lovers. (she told me this later). They didn't really get togehter while in Hawaii but ever since she got back she first dumped me, then started calling him to see how he felt. He apparently thought the same things, or at least agreed with her. He dumped his live in girlfriend of 3 years, who had also gone to Hawaii to this retreat. Eventually it turned into a visit to 'be friends' but became a full blown affair.
Quote: Where is her sense of respect for the family's integrity and sacred spaces? Who is this woman?.
It's really crazy, the obsession with him is there all the time.
Quote: I'm telling you, Frank, it sounds like she's going off the deep end; sorry if that sounds insulting, but she's acting very strangely. Could *she* be depressed?
Well I would think so. She has been unhappy for a long time with our marriage. Now she feels 'high' on love, which is a potent drug. She still functions pretty normally, she just has this bizarre relationship with OM.
And, she goes from being my really good friend, hugs, playfulness, to cold as ice. She also will say things to me like she is annoyed, only to come to me later and apologise. When she apologises it feels like she thinks I might leave her or not want to be around her any more. It's strange.
