Quote: DonH If only some of these S's could see that their reactions are in many cases far worse than our origional actions.
Yes, because in the case of the people who are HERE, it is VERY clear that we are the exceptions to the 'divorce game'. Think about it. Thousands of people are in various stages of divorce right now. Yet only a small group get the DR book or join this BB. Why? Because we are more enlightened, smarter, stronger and loving and ALWAYS WERE. Were were just lost souls in our marriages, and our lives.
So, I submit to you all that our WAS's did not do the 'hard' stuff needed to motivate us to change, 'tough love' and such, and neither did we. BUT when they did the 'easy' thing, which is run away, WE woke up from our slumber and did the hard thing, which is CHANGE OURSELVES and do our best to fix the problems.
I just got back from seeing my counselor, and I don't know how many of you believe in the spiritual concept of 'light' and 'dark' energy.
My C said to me that another way to look at things is that the WAS got stuck in the dark energy. They were used to getting the 'light' energy from US when we were our old, powerful selves. When we changed, they had no source and since they could not stand ON THEIR OWN without US as a source, they eventually either A) Find someone else, an affair, someone they think will fill in that hole in them. or B) Just shut it all out, so they don't feel either the light or the dark, they just 'are'.
When WE BECOME truly sources of light enregy by being positive, loving, strong and sure of ourselves and our goodness, we will once again be that source of light that they NEEDED and they will be attracted to it. They will be wary for a while but they WILL be attracted to it if it truly is there. Without needyness coming from us.
BUT, in order for the 'new' relationship to work, THEY also have to not NEED to get their energy (self esteem) from US or we are doomed to repeat this. They have to have found themselves, and their own inner strength during this time of growth and change or they will not be the person we need to be with. They will still be the person we had problems with.
In my case, I love my wife, I really do. But as I look at the past years, coming from my perspective of strength, I see that when I was up and positive she was up and positive. When I was down and negative she was also down. When I STAYED down she had no capability to be the balancing force in the relationship and did not help US to get back up. That is not a woman I need to be with. We need to be a TEAM, each capable of uplifting the other during our ups and downs.
I keep saying in my prayers "Come on W, please grow up! I want you to be with me and to heal our family. Please don't make me have to leave you behind!"
That, is my fear. She won't grow up and come with me and I will end up having to leave her behind to live her own life, whatever it will be.
