Quote: Frank...another home boy...whereabouts in LA? I grew up in Hollywood!!
Actually I live in Thousand Oaks but most people outside L.A. wouldn't know where that is!
Quote: First she is still in the house...so you can continue to DB your little heart out. Have you read DR and DB...both excellent reads.
Yes, we actually went through something like this (no OM) 6 years ago and I DB'd and we got back together. What I failed to do was follow up and make the relationship stronger because I was still in a depression.
I have been DB'ing, like I said she is comfortable that we are 'friends' and I am not going to do anything to stop her actions. We get along and as I have said in some of my posts SOMETIMES she actually does things that are more than just 'polite' but are tiny displays of affection.
Quote: 3k miles that is a long ways away...what plans has she mentioned about actually going to be with him or vice versa.
He is in Connecticut and when she got back from the weekend visit we talked about the situation. Since she had gone with the intention of being 'friends' and came back as 'lovers', she told me that she probably could only see him 'occasionally' and was very depressed that they were really going to only be 'friends' since they couldn't have a relationship under these conditions. She plans on goign to his massage school occasionally and teaching for several days so they can be together too.
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It could very well end up that she was caught up in the moment of it all and it will fizzle out...you did indicate that his GF is still living with him...so you never know if he is feeding your W full of stuff either...the GF has no reason to stick it out, she can just pack up and leave unless of course she has no idea what is going on.
Well, the 'intensity' of the 'in love' feelings for her is pretty huge and it was 'instant' when they looked in each others eyes after she and another woman gave him a massage at this retreat (for massage therapists) and he opened his eyes and told her 'I love you'. This was on the last working day of the retreat. She decided he was her long lost soulmate right then. He basically has told her the same thing.
When she came back from Hawaii thought she only told me that she wanted to 'be single' to 'find herself' and 'grow'. She said she wasn't looking for a relationship and doesn't think she will ever get married again.
He broke up with his GF the same time she did with me, which was the day after returning from Hawaii. GF lives there still and he tells W in e-mails that she "won't get it that it is over" or 'is constantly spying on him to see who he is talking to'. I am guessing GF is looking for a place to live or there is some other reason she isn't moving out. She doesn't know who he is having a (relationship?) with but does know there is someone, according to him.
This is their 'relationship' as I have been able to piece it together from looking at e-mails and phone logs:
They talk on the phone maybe 1/2 hour every couple days. They e-mail every day, couple times a day. His e-mails usually consist of things he gets from web sites, love poems, jokes, friendship cards. IN fact, he actually subscibe to a maillist where he gets them sent daily and he cuts and pastes them into e-mails and sends them to her instead of just sending the link to the website.
Sometimes he actually says something on his own in the e-mails. When he does it has lately been either to complain about his Ex GF or his new business he is starting or his 'book' he is writing. He will also maybe write a 4 sentence paragraph about how he 'thinks of W all the time' or 'knows what she is doing or where she is since they are so connected spiritually' 'or knows that he really IS in love with her and it's so wonderful' or other things like that.
He usually doesn't sign his emails 'love, OM'. Just 'OM'. Although that may have changed.
She sends him e-mails that are replies to his messages, suporting his problems, or validating that she feels the same love, although much more intensly, or she may mention something going on here but rarely does. It's almost always asking him if he really does love her like he says, or her telling him in different ways how so in love she is with him and they are meant to be together.
She also has Instant Messenger now. That was his idea after their weekend together so they could save money on phone calls since 'they didn't talk much anyway when they called'.
I have only seen one instant message on her computer and it was just him saying he was going to bed because it was late, ending with 'love you!'. I use IM and you can spend a lot of time saying nothing in IM.
She spends her days doing the usual stuff around the house, taking the kids to school and other places. Of course now she is on the computer when she can be, and checks for e-mail 3-4 times a day. We used to watch TV together and have several favorite shows but since returning from Hawaii she has spent much of her evening free time in her room (she moved out of our room a week after returning from Hawaii) reading books she has from a book club. She rarely comes out to talk to me and I give her a lot of space, trying not to be available or in her face at all. When we do talk I am always lovingly detached and smile and joke a lot.
So, this is all I know. She is so convinced he is the one, and that some day they will be able to be together and live in spiritual bliss.
But what is stopping them now?
-- She says there is no man that would ever make her leave her kids (D10 and D15). She has always been afraid that she would be perceived as a bad mother so she over compensates. She is a very good mom and loves our kids.
-- He lives in Connecticut and is starting a massage business with a friend. So he has roots there. He doesn't like Connecticut as he used to live in Florida. She thinks the business won't do well since he has lots of problems right now with his partner, and he is being sued and other stuff. I'm sure that right now she is hopeful that it will fail and he will move to California.
That's what I know. I have my own conclusions and I would like to hear what others think about this situation too.
It's been an awful 6 weeks, culminating in her actually going to him and becoming lovers. Even though it hurts a lot I am doing the best I can to look at it as a process she has to go through, not as here leaving to be with her 'true love'. Although as time goes on I am seeing myself start to build a wall around my heart to sto my feelings for her, and I see her as betraying me and not worthy of MY love.
I need to get out more but I have spent a lot of time isolated or hanging out with married friends which we can't do right now. I am thinking of joining Match.com and advertising as just looking for firends to do things with. What do others do to meet others of the opposite sex to just make friends?
