Moving here from 'newcomers'. Her 37, me 47 married 15 years together 20 years. 2 kids D10 and D15 My previous thread / sitch... my sitch / thread 1
Basically W has been unhappy for years due to my depression / drinking / overall crappy life. Has wanted to 'leave the marriage' several times over the past 3 years after attending spiritual retreats in Hawaii.
In October she went to one. called while she was there, I love you and stuff like that. But on the last day was really weird. Came back and was loving and happy to be home. Next day she told me 'I want a divorce, I met someone there who is my soul mate from a previous life'. She said our marriage was unhappy anyways and she needed to 'find herself' and wasn't intending on getting into a relationship but needed to be 'free'.
After 6 weeks of phone calls and e-mails to and from him (he lives 3,000 miles away) she went to see him to 'sort out her feelings' and came back 'totally in love, he is the one, on cloud 9. He says the same thing.
We still live in the same house, she is in the extra room. We are usually pretty coordial to each other but from time to time she will exhibit old 'loving' behaviors, rubbing my hair, saying things that were special to us. Read my old thread for some info.
Now, every day she is on her computer using Instant Messenger to talk to OM, sends and receives e-mail daily and talks on the phone every other day (trying to save money as I told her that her calls to him were costing us).
From the beginning I DB'ed and have her to the point to where she says to OM: "This is weird, I have a lover named (OM) and an soon to be ex husband who is trying to be my friend. Who would have thought..."
I don't know if this is an 'affair' since she asked for a divorce before it became 'real'. But she also did everything she could to MAKE it become real.
He professes his love for her, because they are soul mates - and 'knew this' when they looked into each others eyes in Hawaii at the retreat. He was there with his girlfriend of 3 years who he broke up with when he got home, but she still lives with him.
W said when she saw him she 'felt feelings that could not be described in words'. She lamented that she would rarely see him because of the distance, and the fact that she would never leave the kids. But they would 'get together' as often as they could.
So, that's my story so far. It is very hard for me to maintain the 'getting divorced while trying to DB and be a friend' attitude. Lcukily she doesn't share info about OM unless I ask her, which I stoppped doing after her visit.
so, today...
I had to do something to W's computer to update software and while I was there I saw an e-mail from W to OM (3,000 miles away) saying something like this:
He says in a previous mail:
"I think of you all the time, it's like I know where you are at any time and I feel you. I KNOW I LOVE YOU."
She replies:
"I know, I'M IN LOVE!!!!! and HE loves me TOO!!!! I'm so happy!!!"
I am having a really really hard time believing this is 'just an affair' and will burn out in 6 months or so. It sure seems like it keeps getting more and more serious! I'm scared as hell that there is no way it will end because it's so serious.
I keep thinking "Where will she find room in her heart for me, she is so far gone now?" I don't mean a damn thing to her. But we STILL live in the same house.
Anybody have experiences to share about this kind of stuff? Is it too far gone? Am I being stupid?
