So OM has called my house on numerous occasions. W has (allegedly) told him to stop, but he still does from time to time. He did today. I brought it up to my W, generally venting (which I know isn't a good thing) but also to ask the question - why will he not respect W's wishes. Problem is I don't know if W even will say a word about it. Why do I get crucified for every small mistake, but OM gets to deliberately flaunt her wishes and that's just fine and dandy?
So I'm thinking I shouldn't have even mentioned it to W, we were doing well together the past week or so, and I have a feeling this might instigate a new deep freeze. But what other option do I have? Am I supposed to just sit here and do nothing while OM just calls my house? That seems a little extreme to me.
I'd think confronting your W as to someone else's actions that are out of her control is unproductive. Expecting her to be able to answer the question of why OM won't respect her wishes is not a question she's in a position to answer. If she's made that wish known to the OM, maybe.... you could call him and calmly and concisely tell him to respect that wish? Or change your number.
Has she made a formal request to OM that he no longer contact her? When my ex did, after her EA was discovered and she decided to work things out with me, I later was told by a third party that he went ballistic and tried every which way to contact her. It's probably normal for these goons to try and retrieve what they've just lost.
BTW, the thought that also occurs to me is that when we see the OP disrespecting the WAS's request, it says a lot about how frickin' selfish and unconsidering of the expressed wants and wishes of the WAS the OP really is deep down inside when push comes to shove, doesn't it?
Well my feelings have always been that you shouldn't contact the OP, because it will always backfire on you. So in that sense, I feel a little stupid - for some reason I let my emotions get out of control, and now I am a little concerned that if OM tries to turn it around on me (he did say that he was returning a call - I guess I'm thinking he might tell W that I contacted OM, which is something I told her I wouldn't do), she will believe him over me. So, in a nutshell, this might backfire on me the same way calling the guy and telling him to back off might.
But, the thing is, W hasn't told the OM not to contact her. That might be the issue with my outburst, I don't know. I feel like if W took the step of cutting off contact (or even asking him to back off for a while), that OM would either a) move on, or b) hang himself with his neediness. But W is hesitant to take that step, which makes me feel a little foolish for letting it slide.
I agree wholeheartedly on the selfishness. I don't know this person from Adam, but I do know that he has whined to her about her having dinner with her family instead of him (even though he lives 400 miles away - what's that about?), he has ignored W's wishes not to call the house, and he ignored my wife's wishes when she asked him not to contact her around the time of my Grandmother's funeral - which makes me believe that he would be terrible if W was to tell him to cool it for a while.
Out with the old, in with the new
2006 will be better than 2005
It sounds like your answering when he calls. I wouldn't be doing that! If W is there, let her answer. If she is not, let it go. I assume you have caller ID.
Quote: I feel like if W took the step of cutting off contact (or even asking him to back off for a while), that OM would either a) move on, or b) hang himself with his neediness. But W is hesitant to take that step, which makes me feel a little foolish for letting it slide.
I'm not sure I understand this. Sounds like you are saying you think you have the formula to break them up and feel foolish for not making W go through with it. Seems like a bad idea all around. You are not in charge of breaking them up. Sorry if I am off base. Haven't read your whole thread...
BTW I was struck by the title, because in my case, OM called the house AFTER wife had moved out. He always called her cell before then. I answered (knowing who it was from caller ID and half assuming it was wife at his house or something). He pretended to have the wrong number and hung up. I'll never understand that one. He had to have known she moved out. Maybe he was going to tell me something and chickened out, LOL.
No, I've only answered twice - the first time I didn't know who in the heck it was, this time I was on the phone and it came in on call waiting (our phone doesn't display caller ID in that instance). Both times the guy tried to play it off, so I am sure he thinks I'm an idiot.
I don't really have a formula for breaking them up, I do, however, feel like for us to move forward (together - I'm moving forward alone right now) she needs to cut him off. From what I have heard from her and from his actions, that will probably make him act like a complete jerk and push her off.
Out with the old, in with the new
2006 will be better than 2005
So of course we end up here. W contacts OM and asks about it. OM denies it. W believes him. Not wanting to disbelieve me (at least to my face), W tells me that OM had left our phone number at a friends' place, and that the friend most likely called. Are you kidding me? Why in the heck would a friend of OM's call my house? It's BS, plain and simple, is what it is.
But, it does prove a lesson, it's just like approaching the OP - if the S doesn't want it to end, they're going to believe the OP, and you're just screwed trying to talk about it. Oh well, live and learn.
Out with the old, in with the new
2006 will be better than 2005
