You sound very much at peace...you can tell in reading your last post. You will do just fine tomorrow...I look forward to hearing how the evening goes...Merlot works!!
Regarding us, at this point in time I have moved on. It's a long story and you can when you are bored read it...but in a nutshell, he's gone...the man I THOUGHT I knew is no longer and really I don't know if I ever knew the real him...because today this is who he is. He is depressed, he's an alcoholic, he lost his business, he has nothing...he's lost himself completely. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help himself...no the door is closed on this R.
I realized that tonight was the first night at my dart tourney where I didn't look to see if he was going to show up with ow or not...every night until tonight my stomach would turn until they closed signups...and I could relax...but never even thought about it until just now...funny...
I'm kinda at a strange point...wondering what we had, why I held on as long as I did, etc...I am thankful that he taught me how to trust and love again, but then at the end that too was gone. I am thankful for the memories that we made. NO anger, no sadness, I feel kinda indifferent about it all right now. Wierd writing that...but that's what I feel tonight.
