There is a big difference between relaxing in an R and taking for granted. It is ok to relax a little but it isn't ok to set yourself up to be pissed when he doesn't relaxes too. KWIM? In my sitch I know that I get better results with H if I relax once in a while and let him relax too. I do think it is partly "acting like a girl" like HP says. OTOH it is great to recognize when we are falling down our our end of the job. I guess what I am getting at is that working on the R at the same, constant, intensity is hard on folks. So - give H some WOA, snuggle with him and once in a while relax into whatever the current mood is (even if it is only companionate) and let him relax too.
