Well as I expected...my H is beginning to flat-line again. Not like he has in the past, it's not that he's not continuing his behavior (which BTW is a HUGE improvement)...it's that he's at that spot again where he's starting to revert a bit again.
Am I worried, nope. I know that this is my time to step up again and bring this to his attention. My mistake in the past would have been to sit back and silently seeth that he was going backwards. This time, I'm going to catch it before he backslides too far. I feel too that part of this backslid, in all honesty, is partially my fault.
Looking at my own behavior recently I think I've probably been sitting back too much waiting on him to come to me since his new behavior began. I'm not validating him enough, this is something I need to work on. I'm sure some of this is risidual from my "dontgiveashititis", but it's something I need to work on. Part of it is simply that I don't trust this behavior will stick around....well guess what? It won't if I don't step up too. So my resolution this week (I take things a week at a time) is to do more of the things I know he enjoys and be more verbal with him too...affirmation-wise. I haven't been doing enough of that.
I have lots of work on myself to do right now, and that's primarily just due to the pain etc of what I've experienced this past year working on this....and the major fact that I learned I couldn't trust that his "attempts" would stick around for long. Now that he's making changes and they are truly staying around....I've got to let go of that mistrust of the effort and work on truly accepting it....that's not so easy, but it's something I simpy have to do, otherwise it will come out in my behavior in other ways. So I'm working on it.
I've found that without really realizing it I'm still withdrawing from my H. I realized this last night while sitting on the couch. Instead of curling up with him...I was as far in the corner as possible, it was just something that dawned on me "GEL you got work to do!" I haven't hugged as much, but he's continued to do so. I haven't gone to him for kisses as much, but he's come to me...etc. He's even continued to come to bed naked almost every night for the past 2-weeks....this is something I do tell him I really enjoy and I have made attempts to cuddle up with him in bed as he likes....but during the day....I'm the one slacking really. So, that's why I say his backslide is partially my fault as well.
I believe I have fallen into that pattern where subconsiously I'm expecting "I've done all the work in the past...it's your turn now!"....and that's not fair. Just because I have been the one to do the largest portion of the R work in the past doesn't mean I get to sit back now and let him do it all. Right now, when he's trying to make these huge changes is when I really need to step up the most...otherwise I'll end up accidentally sabotaging these improvements....and wouldn't that be stupid!
I don't know if this will help anyone at all, I just wanted to give you all my observations...especially since this time I'm noticing "I'm" the one who needs the swift kick in the butt!!!
