Thought some of you might find this interesting....
As I mentioned in a previous post, my H has very recently really started acting much different at home. Last night was no exception. He wasn't as physically affectionate as the previous night, but he was so talkative when I got home...this isn't something he's normally all that prone to either.
I didn't know his employee review was due, but apparently it was, and it happened yesterday....normally, he wouldn't mention a thing about it to me. It wasn't a great one either, but it lead to a much better spot for my H at work...and several realizations for him. In the last year he'd been promoted to what is basically a first line management position, although it is still union related. He has had some personality clashes with people at work, people have made things difficult on him, and for the longest time he felt like they were sabotaging him. One of the reasons his review was less than spectacular is that the person doing the reviewing is one of the people he clashes with. So, they sort of hashed things out in the office and both arrived at what seems to be a much better spot professionally/personally speaking (gee, imagine that...communication making things better?!)
I listened while he told me all about the review without interrupting him. I just let him keep talking since he was on a roll and the most interesting things came out of his mouth after awhile.
#1 - It wasn't just the other people making his work life difficult, it was primarily him doing it to himself (sound familiar Honeypot?). He was often taking situations and making them worse by being stubborn and refusing to budge on an issue out of pride....primarily because he would take someone's comments (mine or a co-workers) as saying something like "You HAVE to do it my way."
#2 - He automatically jumps to the defensive whenever someone (anyone) challenges him....at that point he stops listening to what the person has to say....and he puts up a wall to shut them out.
#3 - (this was the most impressive thing to me) His behavior at work has to change in order for things to improve. He's recognizing how much he's contributing to his own difficulties!!!! Woooo Hooo!!!
To me, the fact that he's recognizing these things right now is BIG progress on his part. He's taking what he's learning from our MC and trying to apply things at home and at work, IMPO this is GREAT! When things go easier at work, they go easier at home as well....he's more relaxed, he's more fun, he's more affectionate....he's less defensive. His blinders are coming off and he’s starting to see how much he’s contributed to, or caused, his own problems.
I wanted to jump for freakin joy when I heard these things, but managed to contain myself LOL. I’m really beginning to believe firmly now that he has been doing some work mentally on himself and now it’s beginning to come out. I also think though that seeing how much he works against himself at work made it clearer to him that he does the same thing at home.
These are some of the issues he's really needed to deal with in order to be more open to ME at home. There was no way he was going to be able to jump into a more "intimate" R with me with all this crap undealt with and standing in the way.
