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#596109 01/06/06 12:05 PM
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GEL:

Way to go. Hope it keeps up for you and your man.

#596110 01/06/06 12:17 PM
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Thanks CeMar, I appreciate that


Well behaved women rarely ever make history!
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Thought some of you might find this interesting....

As I mentioned in a previous post, my H has very recently really started acting much different at home. Last night was no exception. He wasn't as physically affectionate as the previous night, but he was so talkative when I got home...this isn't something he's normally all that prone to either.

I didn't know his employee review was due, but apparently it was, and it happened yesterday....normally, he wouldn't mention a thing about it to me. It wasn't a great one either, but it lead to a much better spot for my H at work...and several realizations for him. In the last year he'd been promoted to what is basically a first line management position, although it is still union related. He has had some personality clashes with people at work, people have made things difficult on him, and for the longest time he felt like they were sabotaging him. One of the reasons his review was less than spectacular is that the person doing the reviewing is one of the people he clashes with. So, they sort of hashed things out in the office and both arrived at what seems to be a much better spot professionally/personally speaking (gee, imagine that...communication making things better?!)

I listened while he told me all about the review without interrupting him. I just let him keep talking since he was on a roll and the most interesting things came out of his mouth after awhile.

#1 - It wasn't just the other people making his work life difficult, it was primarily him doing it to himself (sound familiar Honeypot?). He was often taking situations and making them worse by being stubborn and refusing to budge on an issue out of pride....primarily because he would take someone's comments (mine or a co-workers) as saying something like "You HAVE to do it my way."

#2 - He automatically jumps to the defensive whenever someone (anyone) challenges him....at that point he stops listening to what the person has to say....and he puts up a wall to shut them out.

#3 - (this was the most impressive thing to me) His behavior at work has to change in order for things to improve. He's recognizing how much he's contributing to his own difficulties!!!! Woooo Hooo!!!

To me, the fact that he's recognizing these things right now is BIG progress on his part. He's taking what he's learning from our MC and trying to apply things at home and at work, IMPO this is GREAT! When things go easier at work, they go easier at home as well....he's more relaxed, he's more fun, he's more affectionate....he's less defensive. His blinders are coming off and he’s starting to see how much he’s contributed to, or caused, his own problems.

I wanted to jump for freakin joy when I heard these things, but managed to contain myself LOL. I’m really beginning to believe firmly now that he has been doing some work mentally on himself and now it’s beginning to come out. I also think though that seeing how much he works against himself at work made it clearer to him that he does the same thing at home.

These are some of the issues he's really needed to deal with in order to be more open to ME at home. There was no way he was going to be able to jump into a more "intimate" R with me with all this crap undealt with and standing in the way.

I’m really quite proud of him!!

GEL


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This is great Lass!

Makes perfect sense too. If you change yourself, all areas of your life will be affected. His interpersonal skills have not served him well, so it's high time he ditched them for something that works better.

He is so lucky to have a woman like you by his side so that he can make these huge changes.

Wtg, Mr and MrsLass!

xo

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Thanks Honeypot,

I'm just so glad he's finally seeing how much he's contributed to his own situations. Until he had this realization he might have thought he was doing what he needed to....but he'd really have been making stabs in the dark as far as the work HE needed to do on himself. I think ACME arrived and finally dropped the anvil on him for me

GEL


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GEL,

That is soooo great. I'm joining you in the "gals with cuddly H's club." It is soooo nice. More sex would be super, having everything EXACTLY like I like would be great but having an H who is giving of his own love and desire to give is better. Plant one on Mr. GEL for me.

karen

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Karen,

Absolutely....and I'm optimistic that if this behavior continues (as I hope it will) that our SL will improve too. I mean, in my sitch, my H is beginning to act a bit more sexually aggressive towards me...so I'm optimistic this will eventually lead to more sexual activity for us as well

GEL


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Ok, I'm now beginning to become convinced that my H is really trying to make some real changes in his behavior. Partly because he wants to please me I'm sure, but it's also evident to me that he's doing this because he wants to as well. He appears so much happier lately, so much more at ease around me, so much less guarded.

Over the last week to 10 days or so his behavior has really noticeably changed towards me. He's become much more physically affectionate towards me, much more open to talking to me about...whatever, and is making many more loving/romantic/sexual gestures towards me.

For example...last night, I could tell he was tired so I wasn't expecting anything to happen except to hear him snore on the couch, but after I put our son down for the night my H invited me over to lay next to him on the couch (parallel so we were both facing the same way and he could put his arm around me to snuggle). This is something he hasn't done in the past, so I made sure not to turn down that offer. So I snuggled up next to him and he proceeded to tell me and show me what parts of me he finds really attractive. This just about sent my analytical mind into overdrive, but I squealched that and just enjoyed myself LOL. It didn't lead to sex, it was really just some heavy petting (primarily cuz it's that time again for me, what fun, mother nature does have a wicked sense of humor doesn't she?!) but it was just soooooo nice. It's stuff like this that has been completely missing from our M. The things that make me feel special to him....the things that foster that EC for me...and apparantly for him too. Then later that night...when we went to bed he comes to bed naked, yet another unusual thing for him to do, just to snuggle up with me, it was really a nice evening.

He's more fun to be around, he jokes more with me, he does more of the physical things that I like to me, and he's talking to me about important issues in a more relaxed manner, not so defensively. We talked about a variety of things last night.....his job, my job, porn (yes, I said porn LOL). Actually the porn topic was broached because of a game that he has...someone at work had mentioned that if he had the previous version of it they could give him a code to access a CGA porn movie hidden in it. He mentioned at that point that he told the guy he wouldn't want it, and his wife (moi') would have a fit anyway. I looked at him and kinda laughed and told him..."I don't have a problem with porn honey as long as I am aware of it and I know you don't use it to avoid me, that I get to reap the benefit of your viewing it. I'd have a problem with you hiding it from me though." He completely agreed with what I said. He told me he doesn't use it now, but he used to....but that he never thought I would have been open to it. This is a conversation that would NEVER have taken place a year ago for us....and we discussed it like it was nothing, very easily, no tension, no defensiveness, just like we were talking about anything else in our lives.

It's going to be so nice to tell our MC tomorrow when we see her, that I see definite improvement now....and that things are getting much better. Oh, and before anyone tells me I need to tell my H these things....I already have

GEL


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GEL,

Good for you. Don't get too upset with the inevitable stumbles. These are some huge improvements.

Karen

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Karen,

BEEEEEELIEVE me, I know to expect the inevitable stumbles, I've warned others about thos pesky things...I'm not getting my hopes up there too high. Right now I'm trying to enjoy this...and remind myself to allow it to happen rather than do my instinctive pull-back because I fear the stumbles. This is working for me at this point :-)

GEL


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