For the longest time I know my H was afraid I was trying to change him as well. I didn't want to do that, I wanted him....I just wanted him to share more of himself with me, and to treat me as I felt I should be treated as his W and lover not as a roommate.
You know what....IMPO if your W thinks this then your actions are going to have to speak volumes for you...and you are going to have to have patience. Also, when she does do something (no matter how small) in the right direction...validate it, let her know you noticed and appreciated it.
No one wants to feel like someone is trying to change them....that makes you feel like you aren't good enough the way you are. Your W is likely to feel like you are trying to change her to be someone else, simply because you are now really trying to address issues and let her know what behaviors you need from her. She's going to be suspicious...just stay consistent, and remind her you want that from her, no one else
