It's been a few weeks since I've given an update on the GEL household...so here goes.
We're not exactly burning up the sheets yet, although I can join the group starting the year off right with last night (I know, what a shock huh?) but I do see my H venturing out a bit more and trying some things. He's not as reserved when it comes to sexual banter, and actually plays along now with it sometimes too. He's also getting better at talking through some of our little blips in the road map.
He's beginning to speak his mind more with me, which I've been really wanting him to do for quite some time. If he doesn't agree with something I want, then tell me....either I'll give in to what he wants, or we can talk about it and find some common ground....but it does NOT always have to be my way, which is something he's had stuck in his mind from his X's.
An example of this, and this is really pretty silly, but it shows me that he's not only trying, but he's still battling with some conditioned responses as well. I'm planning on redoing our living room curtains and he was trying to tell me what he'd like me to do. Well...we have a bit of a problem sometimes when he tries to describe ideas in his head. He sees what he wants perfectly in his mind....but when he tries to tell me, I don't always understand it the way he's trying to communicate it. I know we aren't the only couple who suffers from this LOL. Anyway....he wanted me to cover some small windows above our big picture window with heavy curtains to block out the light. Well, I like natural lighting and really didn't want to cover them completely. But when I asked him..."you mean you want me to put curtains all the way over those...but I like the light that comes in from them." He said..."well, yeah that's what I said, but apparantly that ain't gonna happen."
Ok...folks, normally that little comment of his would have had me stewing. Instead I told him "that's not fair, I didn't say that it won't happen...don't make me sound like a dictator. There are plenty of things I can do with the windows that will make both of us happy, I just have to put some thought into it." I could see by the expression on his face he didn't expect that response from me...I was supposed to get pissed off I guess LOL.
I know this may seem like a trivial conversation to many of you....but really, it's quite telling in how far we've come in our communication. #1 My H would have NEVER let that little comment out a year ago, he'd have just gotten frustrated and shut up....he wouldn't have risked saying something like that because he would have assumed I'd just blow up at him like his X would have done. Did I? No. But I also in the past would have (had he said it) let his "it apparantly ain't gonna happen" comment go and fumed on it instead of saying....whoa buddy.
This little exchange is just an indicator to me that we are both becoming more comfortable with speaking our minds and communicating better.
We even had a couple little exchange during our trip to Texas (or as my little Ian says Tucus). Where we just simply worked through them, instead of holding in things we wanted to say and letting them fester...we got them out, and got past them....and yes, they were over silly things.
Another thing we did manage to do was spend time alone together quite a bit several days of our vacation....we really needed to do this too. He's commenting more on some of the clothes and nighties I've been wearing and letting me know what he really likes.
To top it off...last night I asked him if he'd would not wear himself out working outside so we could spend somet time together. He looked at me and said "I was already planning on that. I figured we could put Ian to bed an then go to bed early ourselves and snuggle and let whatever happens happen." Well we did, and it did. It was just nice to know....he had already been thinking that way.
So...it seems that so far 06 is starting off pretty well for us
