I hadn't really thought about whether my leaving for a business trip would send my H into a "withdrawl", but I suppose it is possible. His XW was a highly successful woman, monetarily speaking, and did travel frequently....it is possible that my trip triggered a response in him based on her behaviors. Logically and rationally....he knows I'm nothing like her...but that doesn't mean he won't have a pavlovian emotional response to my being in a similar situation as one she would have been in. Fortunately my job does not require me to travel very frequently, otherwise this could be come a BIG problem for us.
I can certainly see how it is possible that he would want me to prove I'm still interested when I return from a trip....due to his past experiences. Unfortunately his providing me with such a lack of enthusiasm at my return leaves me not wanting to even go near him. I do often overcome this feeling, but it's the feeling I have nonetheless. As I explained to him, it hurts to have the lack of reception I had....it came across as he didn't care whether I was at home with him or somewhere else. It's not like I expected a red carpet, or anything like that.....just a heartfelt "I missed you" and a kiss would have been sufficient for me to feel welcomed. I've explained all of this to him though since that time....he says he understands how I would feel that way.
You, I and, our MC get the feeling that he's tentatively "feeling me out" so-to-speak emotionally. Our MC believes that he's doing this because he is beginning to trust me, and his feelings (as our MC put it) are growing more tender and deeper towards me....so one plays off of the other. Right now, I'm being tested big time I feel, but that's ok.....the person he's testing, the person I've always told him I am, will pass the tests. I am exactly the woman I've told him I am, no fronts, no pretense.....so really his tests aren't tests in my eyes, I simply react to them the way I normally would.
As for your last question....yes, he has been to a MC before, and that was a HORRIBLE experience for him. He's often mentioned to me and our MC that he felt his W just brought him to counseling to find fault with him, to tear him apart and justify ways of changing him. That whole experience is why I've had to be so very careful about how I go about addressing problems and finding solutions now. If I take the wrong approach it could trigger that "she's trying to change me" response which would be counterproductive. So instead I try very hard to concentrate on "us" learning to communicate more effectively, on "us" finding a middle ground to compromise on as far as sex goes. I work very hard at letting him know I'm willing to compromise, things don't always have to be "my" way (which is what he's used to from his X's)....and things aren't always "I'm right, you're wrong!", yet another thing he became conditioned to.
I cannot tell you how many conversations we had over our first year of working on this where he would try to manipulate me into saying "I'm right, you're wrong!"....but I wouldn't bite. Things simply are not that black & white to me, so not biting was easy....frustrating for me because I felt like he was trying to manipulate me to be what he expected I'd be.....but easy nonetheless.
Honestly....looking back over the past year with our new MC he has made progress. Sure the progress may not be in the area I'd really like to see it (physically) , but I do believe the progress emotionally has to take place first. He has to learn to trust me, trust that I will still be here, trust that I'm not going to try to turn him into someone he's not, trust that it's ok to be himself when he's with me (which he's beginning to really loosen up more around me), and trust that what he sees with me is really what he's getting. Until that trust is built within him he's not likely to be open enough to risk being the sexual aggressor with me, that's bitten him in the butt too many times in his past.
