I feel like I've said these things over and over...probably because I have lol.
He's had a history of picking very domineering women, women who wanted to control every aspect of the R...and in many ways him....it's a pattern he unintentionally broke when it came to me.
I do have some similarities to the women of his past. Attractive, successful, intelligent, dominant personality.....the one thing I am not that at least 2 of the women were from his past that were big influences on him is.....controlling. I don't have the time to want to even attempt to control him, don't want to do it....get annoyed when I feel someone wants me to control them.
The two particular women I'm thinking of were very domineering women (I've had 1st hand experience to see this myself)....they are very controlling and very manipulative. While I may have the dominate personality between my H and I....I am not domineering (BIG difference). I don't want him to feel he has to ask my "permission" to do things he enjoys...if he wants to do it, great! I encourage him to do some things for himself....getting him to go do those things though is sometimes difficult because deep down there's still a part of him that feels "she's going to get pissed off at me, I'm going to have to pay for this later if I do it."...even though that is not how I am. Those two women from his past would have made his life a living he!! for doing something without asking their permission first. He was to do what they wanted, when they wanted it, and exactly how they wanted it done. Oh and one of them withheld sex (told him she could be a sexual camel)....the other (his 1st W) cheated on him while he was working 3 jobs and she refused to work.
He's just now (thanks to our MC) beginning to change about this though. He's still afraid (deep down) that I'll get angry with him for oh....going out for drinks with the guys after work, or stopping for a beer at the bar after running errands for me on the weekend)....but I never do. It's taken time for my actions to really start proving to him that what he sees with me is truly what he gets.
