GEL, I think the numero uno thing I would address in the next session is H's passive aggressiveness.
If he is thinking in his mind, I can't ML 3x a week cause then she will expect it, then why the hell did he verbally agree to it in the MC's office? Why say one thing, just to appease the counselor, all the while having NO intention on follow through?
For me, *that* would be the maddening aspect of the whole thing--not necessarily his failure to cough up the lovemaking sessions. To both your face and hers, he agreed to something which he had no intention of completing.
That is a problem.
Oh and fwiw, I don't see you as gloomy at all! Isn't it funny how people perceive things so differently.
"Oh and fwiw, I don't see you as gloomy at all! Isn't it funny how people perceive things so differently."
Thanks for mentioning that HP. It is possible I am projecting my own gloominess. I definitely don't want to encourage gloominess by suggesting it is present when it is not. Maybe I should call it glOOm to go along with Cobra's FOO.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Nope not hypocritical I am gloomy to a degree, but definitely not depressed where my R is concerned, but that is the only aspect of my daily life that I am down in the dumps about. Really, right now I've just stalled from putting in soooo much effort for so long....I need the down time in order to get back in there again at another time.
I may come across gloomy on here at times, but that's definitely not me on a normal basis Chrome, I'm definitely a glass half full type of gal....it's just that here I'm telling you about the disappointments I'm experiencing now. There are still many good things about my M, many good things about my H.
I do fully intend to address his unwillingness to do the assignments we're given next week in the C's office.
I sometimes wonder if it's a matter of he talks himself out of the assignments. You know, he probably means to go through with it when he says "yes" in her office....then later comes up with excuses (that are valid to him) as to why he can't, or even worse (and I'm sure this happens to) assumes that I won't because of (being tired, headache etc) whatever reason...which he also knows is not gonna fly. THAT, to me is what really needs to be looked at.
Perhaps it's a combination of both that need to be looked at, and really....those are things we do talk about in the sessions. That's partly where my frustration comes in so much lately, these are both big issues. H makes tiny improvements here and there, but still for whatever reason still doesn't "do" whatever it is he needs to do to get over the hump to really improve. He still says he doesn't know why he doesn't do things...he says he thinks about sex, but doesn't know why he doesn't tell me that. He says he lays in bed or sees me during the day and thinks about having sex with me....but doesn't act on it and doesn't know why.
You know....It's possible he truly doesn't know the answer to those things. I guess I'm getting frustrated because from my perspective...it doesn't really matter if he knows "why" he doesn't do something, just that he makes the effort to "do" it. Hmmmm....that made me think of something...perhaps he's getting too caught up in figuring it out rather than just "doing" it. I dunno.
Lass, What about instituting another schedule? The Sunday night thing seemed to be working very well for a while, didn't it?
I would be very clear in the MC's office about your need for specifics. Him agreeing to ML 3x per week is no longer enough. I would request a more specific assignment, in light of his refusal to cooperate. Something like: ML on Tues, Fri and Sun. Or, give your wife a french kiss upon returning home from work. Not "incorporate more real kisses into your day".
This is not bashing your H either. We are ALL like this. Give me an assignment in which I am supposed to change a long term bad habit of mine and if you give me so much as a millimeter of screwing around room, I will probably procrastinate and not do it. Schedules are great things for breaking habits and, furthermore, I think you need something more concrete so that your mind is not waiting, wondering, every single day. That's called torture, eh.
Place a calendar somewhere in plain sight where your husband will see it every day. The calendar should have at least three months always visible.
Every time you make love, put an X over the appropriate day. When he eventually figures out what the X's are (or asks), he may very well start to compete with himself to increase the number of Xs. After all, having an entire month with only one X will be very disconcerting for him. Most guys are very visually oriented.
With at least three months visible, he can see progress, or be reminded when there is none.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Well my Christmas blessings are starting early this year, but not quite the way I expected.
My H just stepped up and showed me yet again one of the major reasons I love him so much...he has a HUGE heart!!!!
This morning an e-mail was forwarded to me at work, from a lady who found out that we are collecting toys for Toys 4 Tots, she found herself in a very tough spot this year as a single mom and has NO money to buy any gifts for her kids this year (a 4 & 7 yrd old), so she was simply wanting to find out who to contact over the Toys 4 Tots program in order to see if they qualified.....unfortunatley they don't qualify for most programs as they aren't on Welfare. She manages to just barely pay the bills, buy groceries, gas and pay for her books & tuition for school from her salary. I felt so for this woman, she asked for no money, she asked for nothing for herself....just a few things for her kids.
As soon as I received this e-mail, I knew there was a reason it came to me. My first thought was to pick up the phone and call my H. I thought well if nothing else he'd be willing to donate some money for my collection here at work for her. Nope, he didn't even let me get the whole story out before he said. Get a list from her, we're going shopping this weekend!!! Not a moments hesitation, not a 2nd thought....he wanted to help her out as much as I did....he is even willing to pay for it all. Yes, this is coming from the man who stresses about money....but when it comes to something like this, if we have the money....he won't hesitate to help. If we don't have it.....he'll find a way to raise it.
So, between he and I six hours later we have raised $800 in money for her and have arranged to have fixings for Christmas dinner delivered as well. My husband and I will take the money and buy whatever is on the lists those kids sent off to Santa.....whatever is left I will put on a Walmart gift card for her, so she can use it anyway she needs to.
I firmly believe there was a reason that e-mail came to me, and I'm sooooo very truly thankful that it did. It came as such a wonderful reminder that my H has a beautiful heart.