You are making an assumption that I do let him speak for me at the MC's....I don't, I always stop him. I don't like ANYONE speaking for me. What I was writing was what I know he will start off with saying. I do always stop him and remind him that he's not to speak for me. He's notorious for saying "we were both too tired, busy, stressed...whatever"...I always remind him that he's not to speak for me on things like that.
Oh...and I am always up front in the C's office, have no doubts about that. I speak my mind in there, I'm paying enough for her to listen that I'm not going to waste my money lol. I don't hold back in her office, if he doesn't go through with the assignment she'll know about it, and he knows I will tell her too.
I don't "think" he fears I will expect sex....he's said this himself in our last session. He's afraid that if we start having sex for a bit at oh...lets say our assignment frequency of 3x a week, that it will raise the bar for what I will expect as a minimum from him...then if for whatever reason we don't ML 3x in a week all hell will break loose and he'll have to somehow pay for it. Now, with that said...he has experienced similar situations in his past R's that make him think this way. I don't know that it was always sexually related, but I do know that he was made to feel a failure many, many, many times. He does however know "I" am not this way and said so in the C's office. He knows I am not unreasonable. BUT, just so ya know...when he made the statement I assured him that if we did ML that frequently that sure, I'd like that.....but that I honestly would just love to rely on 1x a week as a goal for us. If it happened more often great, but I wouldn't hold him to that frequency as our "norm"....I couldn't hold myself to that frequency as our "norm".
Cally, my H has issues...big honkin, white elephant in the middle of the room issues!!! it's that simple. That's one reason that I don't take so much of this personally as I used to....oh man did I used to!!!
So many of his issues, while frustrating, aren't reflections of me....they are reflections of his past. I have similarities to his X's, which is some of what attracted him to me...but the major thing that attracted him to me....was my differences from his X's. He's told me himself he's never had someone who cares for him the way I do, who wants him for who he is, who wants him around literally for richer or poorer...that just wants "HIM", MR. GEL. So, trying to adjust to that is very difficult for him because there are big parts of him that, due to conditioning in the past, don't always trust my behavior. He is still waiting for that other shoe to drop I guess and have some mask fall off my face to reveal yet another woman like the ones from his past......but that's not happening, and it won't happen.
