Just journaling again ... my last thread was locked....again.
Nope, no nookie last night. Wish I could say I was suprised...or even disappointed, but I wasn't. I had a gut feeling he wouldn't go through with 2 nights in a row, much less three, but had to give it a shot first.
I did bring it up to him last night....because to be honest, I truly couldn't remember if our MC said 3x in a row, or 3x in a week. I think it was in a row, but....I'm willing to simply try 3x in one week. Perhaps I convinced myself of that last night because "I" was simply too tired myself lol. However, when I did ask him about it he said "well if it's 3x in a row that ain't happening, I'm way too tired!"....yet he wasn't too tired to stay awake watching tv in bed next to me, interesting.
I'll admit it, the way he responded to me did rub me the wrong way....but I was VERY tired myself, I would have gone through with it though had he been willing. I've decided now though since the "in a row" thingie is shot that I'm going to shoot for 3x in one week, approx. every other day. Even that is much more frequent than he's used to...or than we've ever done. I really suspect that the 3x thing she's assigned makes him feel very pressured, very on the spot to HAVE TO do this, knowing him that's definitely not appealing to him. The 1st night was fine, that was easy for him....because we hadn't done anything in sooooo long, but now he knows he has to do this again soon, and that's pressure.
I could even tell he was trying to do an AOS in order to feel like he'd earned the night off with a good deed. He'd stopped on his way home to do some shopping he knew I would have to do today (in the snow possibly) so I wouldn't have to do it and freeze my butt off....that's the kind of guy he is (he is very thoughtful that way.)
So between the facts that yes, I was exhausted myself, he had made a gesture to show me he loves me by doing that shopping for me, and the fact that I know without a shadow of a doubt he's feeling seriously pressured by this assignment I'm willing to back the pressure off a bit by not expecting it 3x in a row. I'm not going to back it off completely though.....that would be shooting myself in the foot (instead of the toe).
I'm working on getting myself in that sex frame of mind that I need to be in for tonight in order to initiate and knock his socks off. I do truly believe that I'm going to have to do that this time (initiate that is) in order for it to happen twice in a short period of time.....I might even have to be willing to do it the 3rd. I'll do it though, if that's what it takes.
GEL, Did you tell him that you will shoot for every other day?
I was unclear on whether you discussed it or just sorta figured that's how it would play out.
Also, I don't know about you initiating it. It's supposed to be HIS assignment. I wouldn't be so strict as to say that you can't do anything but it sounds like this could be a learning experience for him--one that he won't learn if you do all the work, kwim? If he so much as makes a comment about it, I say go for it! But maybe not doing the whole kit and caboodle FOR him.
If you both verbally agreed to do it tonight, then I would send out "I love you and want you" signals but let him do the rest.
Just my two cents; feel free to ignore it if you feel that it'd be a disaster in the making.
The actual intent behind the assignment is to find out if when we do ML more often, he finds he wants it more.....or at least does his body want it more, do the signals get louder for him?
The assignment is geared at him, but not specifically that HE has to be the one to initiate each and every time. It's to find out if his twinges of SD grow louder or not. I do truly feel if I waited for him to initate the next one.....I'd be left waiting. I can say without hesitation that the pressure I'm sure he's feeling from this assignment is most likely overwhelming to him....but perhaps I'm being too nice about the whole thing.
I understand what you are saying Honeypot...but for me expecting my H to initiate 3x in a row, especially in that short of a period of time, would be like you expecting your H to suddenly turn into that Macho Marine again and phyiscally haul your butt off the the bedroom and have his way. Sure I'd love that....but it's simply not happening yet, there's still too much baggage in the way.
Long time no talk to. I've not been here in months. But just reading this post blows me away. You're actually having sex??? Our MC told us to simply stop - that's been over 2 months and it's killing me.
Your H sounds like he tries a bit (shopping), and I'll never relate to his not wanting it - as a guy it just seems so unnatural. But maybe I'm not the norm.
Be very greatful he's doing the exercises and making efforts.
Mine's totally checked out emotionally 100% and is only around b/c she knows she'd have to split custody with our kids - I'd go bankrupt fighting to get every second I could with them and she knows it. Our addict son is no longer living with us - hence her world would be totally gone. No addict son, no 2nd best daughters - but on the bright side she'd be done with me.
Take care and I'm happy for you.
So be glad for what you - talking from a ditch in the road.
Do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=UBB24&Number=896649&fpart=&PHPSESSID=
Actually this is the 1st exercise she's given us that has directly involved sex. She's never instructed not to ML, but she's never given us an assignment that directed us to have it either, until now.
I believe she's doing this for a couple of reasons.
#1 See if his SD increases #2 See if increasing the frequency will kind of push him past some of the barriers he's resisting. #3 Try to help restore some of the EC that took a serious nose-dive for me (but I believe this is a minor reason).
GEL, I gotcha now. I was misunderstanding what the assignment was all about.
Let me ask you this: Do you think your H has an aversion to initiating?
I know mine does and he has only recently been doing things to get past it.
I'm wondering if this first assignment goes well, if that should be part of the next one: For H to initiate ML for one week. Or however they go about de-aversionizing someone.
Do I think he has an aversion to initiationg......uh, DUH! LOL Yes, this is a HUGE hurdle for him.
I like your suggestion, but in some ways he's already doing this....initiating for one week, but that's only one time. He will do it once, and that's it....not more than once in a row. If she were to give him an assignment to initiate ML more than once a week....at least at this time, it wouldn't get done...he'd bury his head in the sand.
Right now he's got such a fear (and it's an obvious one) that if he starts ML more often that I'm going to expect him to do this ALL THE TIME....this is where quite a bit of his resistance to upping the frequency comes from. I believe even if he had wanted to have sex last night...he probably still wouldn't have done it.
With him....she's going to have to very slowly up the ante in the assignments.
Does all the sex you have require penatrative sex? Can he give you sex in other ways on some days? I personally would be happy to have an orgasam evey 2-3 days, but I love to give HER orasams as often as possible. If I could, I would give her head at least once every day, if not more.
"I" do not require penatrive sex each time.....he's the one who takes it there. I have actually told him that (and shown him) many things that I would be perfectly happy with that would satisfy me and wouldn't require penetration. I have also offered the same for him....and have tried to do that in the past, but he always goes for penetration eventually.
This is a really interesting assignment to do IT 3x a week.
Quote:
#1 See if his SD increases #2 See if increasing the frequency will kind of push him past some of the barriers he's resisting. #3 Try to help restore some of the EC that took a serious nose-dive for me (but I believe this is a minor reason).
When I first came on this board for a little while about 6 months ago there were some people here reminiscing about their past sex-life and how many orgasms they had managed in one session. I think the record was about 30! But who's counting - LOL. Anyway this kind of inspired me a little so I jumped my H's LD bones that night and managed to knock up 6. It certainly revved my engines so I did the same the next night and the next. In fact we kept things going at about 4 X a week for about two weeks!
And I would definitely say that all three points above were right on - yes even the EC which you have doubts about.
So what went wrong I'm not really sure. I think I might have got my period or something and then when I tried again to get that frequency back H just seemed really switched off and I couldn't get past that barrier.
I raised it with him a few weeks ago, because sometimes when he is mad with me and we have a row he will throw these accusations that I never do anything for him (his LL is AOS) and he will include sex in that. I have told him before not to make it a "wifely duty" as that would just kill off my desires for sure. Anyway I said to him "what about a few months ago when I was pouncing on you practically every night and we were going great and then suddenly you didn't want it anymore?" He didn't make an answer, just looked kind of like I had picked up on something he didn't want to talk about.
But that is us GEL, and our problems. I would say that what your MC has suggested is a really good idea especially if it includes him initiating some of the time at least. I guess when H and I were ML with that frequency it wasn't with the help of MC so we never talked about how each other felt about what was going on and we never talked about why it stopped
take care
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
I'm not really sure. I think I might have got my period or something and then when I tried again to get that frequency back H just seemed really switched off and I couldn't get past that barrier.