Phaser, you're asking for a long complicated post.
...let him pick up that slack. Maybe he will without thinking twice.
Here's a factor in my timing of letting W pay for her own insurance very soon. OM's D will be final early next month. The reason that is important is...if he does start throwing $$$ at her it will only be *his* money and not his XW's money. OM and his X have a business (farming) fund that is/will be used to pay off their huge loans until the D is final. This summer OM already used some of that money to pay for W's rent! He got his hand slapped by his X (and caught in lies to X and W). Thus W's motivation to move to the super cheap rental house close to him. He wouldn't have to "steal" from his X since I was cutting off paying for W's higher rent here in the city. I felt slightly responsible for indirectly causing his X's money to be taken. So I gave W the money to pay back OM and X.
So there's a long example to show that OM will be ready and willing to help with $$$. At least now it will be his and only his money.
It will be a night and day comparison between OM and me too. Over the years and many years ago I was given a nice bit of money from my grandparents. It was intended (and is my plan also) to be left alone and allowed to grow over the years. Then some of it could be used for kids college and so on. Normally in the past we'd use a little of that money to just make a large CC debt go away. W had some money from her mom when she died 6 years ago. It's gone. So you can see how W thinks money should be used. Her reasoning is that her mom died and didn't get to enjoy her money and life is too short so... Dovetails nicely with the WA credo, doesn't it? OM is of the same mindset. What I don't get (actually I do cuz I know WA's) is that FIL lived the same way with money. W rants and raves about how her F spent every penny he made and now has a huge debt that is now complicating how he's being cared for.
Makes me think someday everything is going to come into alignment in W's head and she'll see what is happening. She's not dumb. She's very intelligent. When will the conficting WA haze burn off so she can see? Maybe she already sees but pride and stubborness are in control now?
This probably sounds like I think I'm the only one that can save W. I'm no saint. I can burn through money as fast as the next guy. I now see that I should have been less stringent with the dollars in the past and been open to some of W's ideas for trips and such. There can be a happy medium between our monitary philosophies. But for now, until I can get the financial ship righted again, I have to be bit of a d!ck.
