Thanks for stopping by hope. It means a lot whenever anyone takes the time to hand out some help.

Did you read Divorce Remedy?

Oh, you betcha. I am probably over due for a reread.

...has commented (over time) that he notices them. Maybe she just needs a little more time?

Just the past few days W has commented on some changes. D9 even noticed W's semi-obnoxious noticing (attempts to push my buttons that I steered around).

Does she need more time? Probably, but I'm not sure I can give her more time (see journaling below).

Journaling...

I took a few days (Mon & Tues) off from work. I was getting nothing done at work or home so I figured not being at work was a better excuse for getting nothing done than being there and getting nothing done. Got x-mas decorations put up and some shopping done during my "sick days". Also a few pain in the butt house chores finished. Overall the long weekend was pretty good and the kids and I had a great time together (when they weren't in school).

W and I got most of the shopping for the kids done on Monday night. We were a great team. On the way home I broached the topic of X-mas morning, the who what and where. W will be staying at the house X-mas Eve night. She wanted to see the kids open Santa's gifts. Perfectly reasonable to me.

S6's daycare lady asked me to play Santa next Monday for the daycare X-mas party. Her H will be out of town that week so I get to dress up in a Santa costume. Something I would have dodged in the past but not anymore.

Last night D9 had her strings concert at school. She did wonderfully. She is pretty good at playing the cello and she really enjoys it. Amazing how those kids can pick up how to play in so little time.

W drove grandma (my mom) home after the concert. It's on her way home. I thought it was strange that W said she'd call me later as they backed down the driveway. W did call after dropping off grandma. I was getting the kids ready for bed and W asked if I could call her back when I was out of kid's hearing range. (Red flag!) I stepped into another room and we started to talk.

W said she wanted to tell me something the other day but when she received the news of losing her license she chickened out. W prefaced that she didn't want me to get mad at what she was going to tell me. (Oh boy!) Could I "be reasonable and not flip out?" She said she has a chance to go to Vegas this weekend and she's debating whether or not to go. Thinks it might look bad that she lost her license but then runs off to Sin City. She says it's "free". So I said it sounded like fun and she has been wanting to take a vacation for quite some time. Then I started in on how she got this "free" trip and who is she going with? Yup, you guessed it. OM claims he won it for buying so much seed. (He's a farmer.)

I was calm but inside I was ripping apart. I told her she could do whatever she wants. She said that I always say that, but she never does anything because she feels like I wouldn't approve. That she has turned down chances to do "things" in the past but this time she said, "What the heck." I fought like hell to resist the urge to go down the cheeseless tunnel of dabating her. I mumbled some negative passive-agressive sarcasm and she wanted me to clarify my thoughts. I refused for awhile but then caved and we took the dead-end path of hashing out our views on the R and trying to logical her. Yuck! After a few times around the circle of logic I said this is why I didn't want to go down this road of convo. I was getting emotional so I ended the call saying I had to finish with the kids. I did say it probably made no sense to her now but that I hoped she has a nice time and is happy. She said she knows it means nothing to me but that she was sorry. She's right.

I'll probably go into more analysis in another post. Why? I don't know. What good is there in it? Sorry for the defeatist attitude. I just want this all to be over, one way or another. Then I get to work and read blackfoot's posts to SAhDaddy, and think maybe there still is some drive left in me. I don't know anymore.

I had a terrible time getting to sleep last night. I fought off sending any nasty txt messages but some bad stuff went thru my head. This morning D9 woke me up 10 minutes before school. So today I'm quite a mess.

W has called a couple times this morning but I had no time or will to talk to her so she left some VM's. After reading some of blackfoot's pointers I called W back. After one question about the kids she starts in on how I slept last night and how I'm feeling. WTF does she expect? I think I pulled off sounding neutral and that I cared about her but that what she does has no bearing on me. There were very long silent moments on her end of the phone. We finished with some talk about an X-mas gift for S6. The longer I can avoid any contact with her the better. I need time to process this before I make things worse. Stupid emotions!

Sorry for the long post. If any of this makes sense you are one up on me.

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