I think it can mean either one of two things. It could mean she wants to date you, but, I tend to think in the context of her other questions, that this question was to find out if you're dating others. She wasn't getting an answer out of you as to your doings, and so she reframes the question to find out if you're free to date or not by asking if you'd date her. Just my hunch.
Piglet: I know it's out of context but can I print out your last post and leave it where W will see it?
VJ, Spitfire, SNS, heather, and Piglet: Thank you for your clarification. It gives me a goal to work for. I've been working on my bad side lately. Just last night the kids and I whipped some donuts in the snow at the end of my cul-de-sac. It's a start.
bigAl: A knee to the groin would the most action I've seen in a long time down there. At least it would be something different. With the cold shoulder treatment I'm getting from W right now...an ass pinch might be just what the dr. ordered.
NY: We are in agreement on W's "ask me" question. My knee jerk reaction was, whoa she wants me to ask her on a date now? It didn't fit in with any of her actions of late tho. Her quick "nevermind" says I was way off. She was being rhetorical.
Phaser: Where were you when I needed you. I need to rig up some kind of IFB microphone so someone can feed me the good answers. Oh, judging by the dark circles under my eyes, I look like I'm doing heroin.
Ron Prince's nickname is The Husker-nator.
LOL. Probably so. Right now we are focused on skinning some wolverenes. <as sweat pours from ThatGuy>
I was going to journal a little but instead I'll write about how great my kids are as a way to journal.
I posted a little thing on bigAl's thread about being a little too grumpy with the kids b/c I'm processing some stuff and the kids get to see/be the collateral damage.
I'll start off by saying D9 has my sense of humor. We laugh at the exact same things. She can conjure up a movie quote at the drop of a hat and at the perfect moment. S6 has my temperament. He's cool calm collected then something snaps causing sense and control to go out the window for a moment then it's over and he's back to cool and calm. So I have the temper of a 6 year old? Makes sense now.
Let me back up now. A few nights ago the kids and I were watching Forrest Gump. (I was editing out the questionable for kids parts.) The scene where Forrest arrives in Vietnam comes on. Lt. Dan says, "Oh, you must be my FNG's." I chuckled b/c I'd never noticed the FNG part and what it meant. D9 asks what's so funny. I danced a little and said the "NG" stands for "new guys". D9 has a quizzical look on her face then says, "Ohhhhh, the "F" is the F-word?" S6 doesn't take his eyes off the tv and says "Grampa and BIL say the F-word all the time." Well I made sure everyone understood that we don't say that word. Although the kids know that, I will throw out an F-word now and then when I snap.
Okay here's where D9 is so indispensable. Last night I'm sensing that I'm losing control and turning into "ThatGuy". Ogre dad is starting to emerge. It's getting pretty loud and an F-word or two fly out. D9 says, "So you two are my FNG's". She stopped me dead in my tracks. No more ogre dad. What an angel!
It's getting pretty loud and an F-word or two fly out. D9 says, "So you two are my FNG's".
coke.spew.monitor
Why are girls so much smarter than boys? S8 can't even remember to put on a coat when it's cold outside. And he doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut. This weekend he was over at his buddy's place and they had some sort of open fire going in their house and S8 was wearing some raggedy play pants and they caught on fire a little bit. No big deal, right? He comes home and tells me the story and I chuckle and reminisce about my misspent youth and there you have it. Then he runs off and tells his mom and flares shoot out of her eyes and she wants to know all the details and they have to have a whole, like, discussion about fire safety. Beyond just, if you catch on fire roll around until it's out or it'll hurt, and don't light a fire inside unless you know the building has fire insurance. You know, the basics.
But maybe she's right; maybe that's the only way he'll learn. To keep his mouth shut when he catches his pants on fire.
Girls are much smarter than that, is the point I'm trying to make.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
Oh yeah, as you already know 10 times over, girls/women are much more in tune with everyone's emotions. So in that regard females ARE much smarter. It's interesting to watch how D9 and her friends struggle with this quality as they develope it and interact with each other. I have an older sister (8 yrs older) so I didn't experience the stuff D9 is going through now. You are right, boys are different. The other day S6 said, "I met <problem child neighbor kid>'s classmate the other day after school. He punched me in the stomach. I almost puked. He's pretty fun to play with." The world would have ended if that happened to D9 but S6 didn't give it a second thought. He shrugged it off and played tag or something with the kid.
It makes me sad (although I should call it a silver lining) that it's taken this stupid sitch for me to sit up and take notice of the many wonderful qualities in my kids.
First some journaling then an interesting new twist.
Last night W and I took the kids to see Santa. I think D9 knows the truth about Santa but she's milking it just in case. The whole outing seemed like an eternity. I had no ambition to DB at all. W had started the day in a crappy mood. Very short with me. Very little eye contact. I was very quiet like a whipped puppy. I tried a few times to lighten the mood but I lacked the will to keep it going. Seemed too phoney to me. When we got home W gave the kids hugs and kisses and I got a "see ya" as she went out the door.
Around 9:30 as I was finally getting the kids to bed, W called. D9 answered b/c I was trying to find S6's bed under a mound of toys. I could hear from D9's side of the convo that W was asking why I hadn't answered the phone. D9 hung up after a minute. As I tucked in D9 she said that W wanted me to call her back. D9 said W wouldn't tell her what it was about. Fifteen minutes later I called and got W's VM, left a friendly message, W never returned the call.
This AM I got a call from W (her third attempt to reach me since I was away from my desk). She sounded very sad and wanted to know if I could get away from work to talk this AM.
Here's the interesting new ingrediant in the sitch. W was upset b/c she got a letter today that says she has lost her drivers license due to too many speeding tix. So I got to listen and validate W for 90 minutes as she vented about many things:
<TG takes huge deep breath>
- Losing her license - Her dad needs more care than her family can give but can't afford to put him in a home - Her siblings are all bigger basket cases than she is - D9 is still angry about mom leaving - Her new career always involves rushing here and there - Trying to stay involved with the kids requires rushing here and there - She left her old job b/c she was always rushing to beat the clock - Her H doesn't tell her much about his life now, he's not wearing his wedding ring, he must be seeing other people, whenever he talks to her he's arrogant - She only works, sees the kids now and then, looks in on her dad, stays home alone most nights, occasionally she goes to a friend's candle or jewelry party - All of the above is occuring during the holidays and she has no clue what will be happening on X-mas day
<Gasping exhale by TG>
I caved and told her I'm not dating. I wouldn't drag someone into this mess then possibly hurt them. I'm in no shape emotionally or financially to be dating. I'm just meeting new people, making new friends male and female (180 for me). Otherwise I didn't offer any fixes. I just empathized and agreed that there's a lot of crap hitting her fan.
I also probably yacked too much and said I didn't like being perceived as being arrogant. For some reason when I try to be confident, it looks arrogant to her. She says it's b/c she knows me. To her I've never been confident. When I show a back-bone she views it as arrogance. How do I overcome this?? My lack of confidence is so intrenched in her mind that I don't know how I can change it. Keep displaying confidence till she accepts it?? Am I not warm enough when I'm confident? Is there a book that I can learn from? Would a C help us find a way?
I'm sorry you've had a rough stretch. And don't worry that you didn't feel like being upbeat when you took the kids to see Santa; we all have times we can't do it; I know I have many. Did you read Divorce Remedy? I have so many books but this one really offers good advice and techniques. Seeing as you post here, you may already have it. About the confidence thing, maybe just keep at it? I made a lot of positive changes after WAH moved out, and he has commented (over time) that he notices them. Maybe she just needs a little more time?
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Thanks for stopping by hope. It means a lot whenever anyone takes the time to hand out some help.
Did you read Divorce Remedy?
Oh, you betcha. I am probably over due for a reread.
...has commented (over time) that he notices them. Maybe she just needs a little more time?
Just the past few days W has commented on some changes. D9 even noticed W's semi-obnoxious noticing (attempts to push my buttons that I steered around).
Does she need more time? Probably, but I'm not sure I can give her more time (see journaling below).
Journaling...
I took a few days (Mon & Tues) off from work. I was getting nothing done at work or home so I figured not being at work was a better excuse for getting nothing done than being there and getting nothing done. Got x-mas decorations put up and some shopping done during my "sick days". Also a few pain in the butt house chores finished. Overall the long weekend was pretty good and the kids and I had a great time together (when they weren't in school).
W and I got most of the shopping for the kids done on Monday night. We were a great team. On the way home I broached the topic of X-mas morning, the who what and where. W will be staying at the house X-mas Eve night. She wanted to see the kids open Santa's gifts. Perfectly reasonable to me.
S6's daycare lady asked me to play Santa next Monday for the daycare X-mas party. Her H will be out of town that week so I get to dress up in a Santa costume. Something I would have dodged in the past but not anymore.
Last night D9 had her strings concert at school. She did wonderfully. She is pretty good at playing the cello and she really enjoys it. Amazing how those kids can pick up how to play in so little time.
W drove grandma (my mom) home after the concert. It's on her way home. I thought it was strange that W said she'd call me later as they backed down the driveway. W did call after dropping off grandma. I was getting the kids ready for bed and W asked if I could call her back when I was out of kid's hearing range. (Red flag!) I stepped into another room and we started to talk.
W said she wanted to tell me something the other day but when she received the news of losing her license she chickened out. W prefaced that she didn't want me to get mad at what she was going to tell me. (Oh boy!) Could I "be reasonable and not flip out?" She said she has a chance to go to Vegas this weekend and she's debating whether or not to go. Thinks it might look bad that she lost her license but then runs off to Sin City. She says it's "free". So I said it sounded like fun and she has been wanting to take a vacation for quite some time. Then I started in on how she got this "free" trip and who is she going with? Yup, you guessed it. OM claims he won it for buying so much seed. (He's a farmer.)
I was calm but inside I was ripping apart. I told her she could do whatever she wants. She said that I always say that, but she never does anything because she feels like I wouldn't approve. That she has turned down chances to do "things" in the past but this time she said, "What the heck." I fought like hell to resist the urge to go down the cheeseless tunnel of dabating her. I mumbled some negative passive-agressive sarcasm and she wanted me to clarify my thoughts. I refused for awhile but then caved and we took the dead-end path of hashing out our views on the R and trying to logical her. Yuck! After a few times around the circle of logic I said this is why I didn't want to go down this road of convo. I was getting emotional so I ended the call saying I had to finish with the kids. I did say it probably made no sense to her now but that I hoped she has a nice time and is happy. She said she knows it means nothing to me but that she was sorry. She's right.
I'll probably go into more analysis in another post. Why? I don't know. What good is there in it? Sorry for the defeatist attitude. I just want this all to be over, one way or another. Then I get to work and read blackfoot's posts to SAhDaddy, and think maybe there still is some drive left in me. I don't know anymore.
I had a terrible time getting to sleep last night. I fought off sending any nasty txt messages but some bad stuff went thru my head. This morning D9 woke me up 10 minutes before school. So today I'm quite a mess.
W has called a couple times this morning but I had no time or will to talk to her so she left some VM's. After reading some of blackfoot's pointers I called W back. After one question about the kids she starts in on how I slept last night and how I'm feeling. WTF does she expect? I think I pulled off sounding neutral and that I cared about her but that what she does has no bearing on me. There were very long silent moments on her end of the phone. We finished with some talk about an X-mas gift for S6. The longer I can avoid any contact with her the better. I need time to process this before I make things worse. Stupid emotions!
Sorry for the long post. If any of this makes sense you are one up on me.
How do I overcome this?? My lack of confidence is so intrenched in her mind that I don't know how I can change it. Keep displaying confidence till she accepts it?? Am I not warm enough when I'm confident? Is there a book that I can learn from? Would a C help us find a way? 
After a few times around the circle of logic I said this is why I didn't want to go down this road of convo. I was getting emotional so I ended the call saying I had to finish with the kids. I did say it probably made no sense to her now but that I hoped she has a nice time and is happy. She said she knows it means nothing to me but that she was sorry. She's right.
Then I get to work and read blackfoot's posts to SAhDaddy, and think maybe there still is some drive left in me. I don't know anymore.